Gay Erotic Stories

As a medical professional specializing in men’s health, many of my patients encouraged me to start an on-line Q&A that would deal with sexual health of men (and their partners). Most of the questions are serious in nature and are answered accordingly; some of just plain stupid which results in a stupid answer. Following are samples of some recent questions.

Dear Doctor: I’m a healthy twenty-four guy, 6’2”, and 210 pounds. Next month I will be married to the girl of my dreams. Both of us agreed not to have sex until our wedding night, which was OK with me, as I am a virgin (I think she is too, or so she says). While I’m a pretty big guy, my penis is only 3 inches erect. I am terrified that I will be unable to satisfy my new bride. I would appreciate your advice. Signed, Small Dick

Dear Dick: Not to worry pal. While you are indeed somewhat small considering your size, you will find your sexual experience quite satisfying. If it concerns you so much, I recommend you speak with your fiancé and express your consternation. As an alternative, you might also suggest a “test drive” to calm your fears. Let me know. I care!

Dear Doc: I’m a corporal in the Army. Last night my sergeant and I got drunk and ended up in bed together. I gave him head and he poked me in the ass. Am I gay? Signed, Butt Fucked

Dear Butt: I seriously doubt it. But I think your sergeant is. Did he use a condom?

Dear Doctor: I’m a forty year old healthy male, married with two kids. My wife bullied me into seeing a doctor for a physical exam. After waiting forever, the doctor finally arrived, asked me a few questions, and had me strip naked. Is this normal? Also, he spent an inordinate amount of time examining my testicles and penis, plus he had his finger up my ass for over two minutes. Signed, Examined

Dear Examined: Being completely naked during a physical exam (especially for men) is not necessarily abnormal. Typically the man either remains in his underwear or is offered a gown. Examination of the genitals and prostate takes no longer than thirty seconds each. Find a new doctor.

Hi Doc! Last Saturday, l went to the club to play tennis with my future father-in-law. After he beat my ass, we headed to the locker room for a shower. On our way to meet the women for dinner, he pulled me aside and told me “there was no way his daughter was going to ‘sleep with that’”, referring to the fact I am uncircumcised. Well Doc, there is ‘no way’ a knife is going to find its way within a mile of my dick. My fiancé is siding with her father. What say you? Signed, Foreskin Forever

Dear Skin: Dump the bitch.

Hey Doc! I’m a nineteen year-old guy in my sophomore year in college. I share a dorm room with my best friend, who I’ve known since high school. Last night we sucked each other off, just to see what it was like. Anyway, this morning we are both wondering if we’re gay. Thanks for your quick response, as we both are extremely worried! Signed, BJ

Dear BJ: No, I don’t think you and your buddy are gay. You were simply fooling around with one another and exploring your bodies, which I assume are in hormone overdrive. That said however, if you and your buddy are still sucking cock ten years from now, then yes, you’re both queer.

Dear Doctor: My wife caught me masturbating in the shower, and now refuses to have sex with me, noting that apparently I have a new partner (my right hand). I think she’s being unreasonable. Do you agree? Signed, Cut Off

Dear Cut: Yes, I think she’s being somewhat immature. Ninety-five percent of men have masturbating at one time or another. Tell her you can hold out as long as she can, since you have (according to her) another partner. Let me know. I care.

Dear Doctor: I am studying for the priesthood, so I think you know my problem. How to I reconcile this celibacy thing with my needs as a man. I think I’m about to explode. Signed, Father John

Dear Father John: You need to immediately go to your room, lock the door, drop your pants, and commence to masturbate yourself. It is not healthy for a man not to periodically ejaculate. In fact, it can do permanent damage to your plumbing. Now get to it!

Dear Doctor: I took your advice and discussed my condition (small penis) with my fiancé. She didn’t seem to care. I then suggested a test drive, which she agreed to (actually, it went fairly well). Now however, she now wants sex two and sometimes three times a day. I’m fucking wore out. Thanks a lot, asshole. Signed, Small Dick

Dear Dick: I’m sorry you’re calling me something I’m not. Seems to me you’re a lucky man.

Dear Doc: When home on spring break, I was caught driving drunk. Fortunately my Dad bailed me out. But when we got home, he removed his leather belt, told me to drop my pants and bend over, and then he commenced to whip my ass. In the process, I popped a boner, which did not go unnoticed by my Dad. Now he thinks I’m queer. Help! Signed, DUI

Dear DUI: I assume you’re somewhere around twenty years old, which would preclude in my estimation, your Father taking a belt to you. Tell him next time he tries that, you will punch his lights out and call the cops. And no, you’re not queer.

Dear Doc: I’m in the Navy and up for promotion. But my Chief has told me that until I give him a blowjob, he will hold up the paperwork. Can I catch anything by sucking him off? I really need the promotion. Signed, Petty Officer Third Class

Dear Class: No, you can’t catch anything by performing oral sex on the Chief. You might mention to the Chief that you’ll be glad to accommodate his request, but have a concern that your gum disease might be contagious.

Dear Doctor: I recently took up racquet ball with a colleague at work. When we were getting dressed in the locker room, I noticed he had an extremely large penis. He also wears a size 14 shoe. Is there any relationship between the size of a man’s penis and his shoe size? Signed, Curious

Dear Curious: Where’d you get this shit? The answer is no. Now shut up.

Dear Doctor: I’m leaving for college next week, and my sole objective is to find a man who comes from money and has a big pepe. I can figure out the money part, but how do I determine the size of a man’s pepe without sleeping with every jock on campus? Signed, Sorority Queen

Dear Queen: First, I think you’re an awfully shallow young lady if all you want out of marriage is money and a big penis. You might try asking the men what their shoe size is.

Hey Doc! I finally talked my girlfriend into giving me a blowjob, but when she saw my penis, she freaked (I’m uncircumcised). What should I do? Signed, Uncut

Dear Uncut: Tell her that unlike seventy percent of the men in this country, you’re a whole man and therefore special. Let me know. I care.

Dear Doctor: I took your advice and masturbated myself in the privacy of my room. It was great! What a load! But now, I jack-off three and four times a day. Is this normal? Do you think this will disqualify me from being Pope? Signed, Father John

Dear Father John: I would say masturbating three and four times a day is a bit excessive, but you’re penis won’t fall off. And I doubt if you’ll ever be Pope. Are you Italian?

Dear Doc: I’m an associated in a large law firm. Yesterday, a partner called me into his office and wanted me to have sex with his wife (while he watched). I’m fairly well built and told I’m half way good looking. Also, I’ve seen his wife … she’s not that bad for being in her fifties. This could be a career building opportunity. I have to give him an answer tomorrow. What do you think? Signed, Perry Mason

Dear Perry: I think this is an awful idea, which could lead to more trouble than you can imagine. Tell the partner you’re gay. That ought to do it.

Dear Doctor: My wife is a screamer when we have sex. The instant I stick my penis into her vagina, she starts screaming. It’s not that I’m hurting her; it’s just that she’s having a grand old time (as am I, absent the screaming). The apartment manager has told us to put a lid on it, or we will be evicted. What should I do? We don’t want to move. Signed, Noisy

Dear Noise: Two suggestions: First, try gagging her. Second, stick your dick into her mouth and your finger into her vagina. Let me know if this works. I care.

Dear Doctor: I’m a twenty-four female who has been sexually activity for the past five years, with about seven different partners. Just so you know, I always insist using protection, which has never been a problem. The question I have is why are some men well so endowed and others (in my opinion) fall “short”. I’m currently sleeping with an Asian American, who has the smallest dick on the planet. In fact, the condom actually came off while we were having sex. He’s a nice guy, but I need a bit more dick, if you get my drift. Signed, Active

Dear Active: As you have discovered, men come in many sizes. In the future, you might ask what their shoe size is. That might give you a clue.

Dear Doc: My identical twin brother and I decided to play a joke on his girl friend. You see, I picked her up, had dinner, and ended up at her apartment where we had sex. After we were done, she told me who I was, noting that my brother had a bigger dick. Returning home, I demanded to see my brother’s erect dick, which was about an inch larger than mine. What’s the deal? We are identical twins; even our parents can’t tell us apart on most occasions. Signed, Short end of the Stick

Dear Short: Shit happens I guess. Was your brother first out? That may account for it, but please cool it; it’s not what you have, it’s how you use it.

Dear Doc: Five of my fraternity brothers got together and measured our dicks. Three of the brothers insist the correct measurement is from the base of the balls to the tip of the penis. The rest of us say the correct measurement is from the base of the penis (top side) to the tip. Who is correct? Please hurry your answer, as the losers have to suck the winner’s dicks. Signed, Frat Guys

Dear Guys: Well first of all, I was under the impression you all were at college to get an education. That said, you and your two brothers are correct. Enjoy your blowjobs.

Dear Doctor: I think my wife is frigid. When we have sex, she just lays there and tells me to “get it over with.” It’s like masturbating in a vagina. I need your help! Signed, Hubby

Dear Hubby: You need to have a frank talk with your wife. I would also suggest counseling. If she refuses to go, then go by yourself. This is not normal.

Dear Doctor: I recently had surgery for an inguinal hernia. When I recovered from all the drugs they pumped into me, I discovered that they had shaved my pubic hair. Can they do that? Signed, Hairless

Dear Hairless: Chill my friend, your pubes will grow back. So how’s the scar looking?

Dear Doc: Remember me? My wife cut me off after she found me masturbating in the shower. It’s now been four weeks, and she refuses to budge. What now? Signed, Cut Off

Dear Cut: Tell the bitch to either put out or you’re walking out.

Dear Doctor: I am scheduled to have a vasectomy next Friday. Is there any possibility that I will be unable to get an erection after the procedure? I’m scared shitless! Signed, Snip & Clip

Dear Snip: Chill my friend. The odds that you will be unable to perform are nil.

Dear Doctor: My younger sister confided in me that she would like to have sex with my best friend. Before that occurs however, she wants to see an erect penis (mine) so she knows what to expect. What do you think of this arrangement? Signed, Big Brother

Dear Big: I think this arrangements stinks. You’re on your own on this one pal. But if you do agree to go through with this, I think she should at least show you her tits.

Dear Doc: I’m eighteen and still live at home. When doing my laundry, my Mom found cum stains in my underwear and told my Dad. He made me go to confession where the priest slapped me with 10 Hail Mary’s. I didn’t think the punishment fit the crime. What do you think? Signed, Stained

Dear Stained: I agree with you. Next time take a box of tissues to bed with you. Dear Doctor: There’s an extremely good looking guy at the office who I am very attracted to. Frankly, I’d like to have sex with him. How do I get this guy into bed? He doesn’t seem to interested in anything but work. Signed, On the Hunt

Dear Hunt: You might try asking him for a date. What’s to lose? Let me know. I care.

Dear Doc: Against your advice, I let my sister see my erect penis. After I zipped up my pants, I asked to see her tits (at your suggestion). The bitch slapped me in the face. Thanks, dick head. Signed, Big Brother

Dear Big: Well, it was worth a shot. Some you win, some you lose.

Dear Doctor: I’m a twenty-four year old guy, and have been dating this girl for about six-weeks. We’re getting pretty serious. Last night after dinner, we went to my apartment for coffee. I suggested we “get to it” (if you get my drift). She refused, but offered to give me a hand job, which I readily accepted. Doc, it was the most erotic sexual moment of my life. You would not believe the load I produced. So why don’t I get the same satisfaction when I jack off myself? Signed, Hand Job

Dear Hand: I suspect it’s the excitement of having another hand do the work for you. Not to worry, just enjoy!

Dear Doctor: I took your advice and asked the guy at the office for a date, which he accepted. We went to an afternoon movie and had an early dinner at a sidewalk café. It was very romantic. Wanting to get in his pants, I suggested we go to my apartment and “see what came up.” He refused, saying that his religion precluded him from having pre-marital relations. I thought this attitude went out with the Stone Age. Signed, On the Hunt

Dear Hunt: Apparently not. As I said previously, some you win, some you lose. You lost.

Dear Doctor: My sister tossed her husband (my brother-in-law) out of their apartment after a heated argument. Feeling sorry for the bastard, I invited him to stay with me while things “cooled” down. Anyway, that night we got drunk and ended up in bed together having man-to-man sex. My brother-in-law is now back with my sister, but keeps calling me wanting to “get together”. How should I handle this? Signed, Brother-in-Law

Dear Brother: Tell the guy that if he doesn’t stop calling, you will tell your sister that he’s queer. That ought to stop the calls.

Dear Doc: My sister and I married two brothers in a dual ceremony. This morning over coffee, my sister asked how my sex life was going. I confessed that my husband “Brad” was a bit short in the dick department. My sister offered up her husband “Scott”, so I could see what a real man was all about. While my husband was away on a business trip, “Scott” came over and we had sex, if you could call it that. “Scott” is no bigger than “Brad”. Both have about a seven inch penis. I feel cheated. What should I do? Signed, Short Changed

Dear Short: Are you kidding me? Your expectations are slightly unrealistic. Seven inches is about all you’re going to get. Now shut up.

Dear Doc: My sister apologized for slapping me in the face when I asked to see her tits after she had examined my erect penis. In the meantime, she had sex with my best friend, who has now asked for a blowjob from her. She wants to “practice” on me before she accommodates my buddy. Do you think I ought to do this? Signed, Big Brother

Dear Brother: Up to you pal, but I still say she should still show you her tits!

Dear Doc: I’m about to enter college and had to have a physical exam. My Dad took me to the Doctor’s office and sat in during the exam. During the “cough test”, I popped a boner, which did not go unnoticed by my Dad. On the way home, he yelled at me and wanted to know if I’m queer (I am not). He’s still pissed, saying it was the most embarrassing moment of his life (mine too). How do I convince him I am not gay? Signed, Popped One

Dear Popped: Getting an erection during the examination of the genitals is not uncommon. Believe me, most Doctors have seen this more than once. Next time, leave Dad in the waiting room and tell him to chill.

Dear Doc: I’m a thirty year-old single guy. Recently my company required me to have a physical exam. The doctor asked me whether I was sexually active, to which I responded “I wish.” He then asked how often I masturbated. I think this was over the top. What say you? Signed, Horney

Dear Horney: First, I don’t think it’s unusual for the doctor to ask about your sexual health. That said, how often you masturbate is probably none of his business.

Dear Doctor: On a recent business trip to the west coast, I decided to make a surprise visit to my dad (he’s divorced from mom). Upon arrival at his home, there was no answer, so I let myself in with a house key I had. To my surprise, I caught my dad in the shower with another man. When we talked about the incident later, he admitted that he was gay. Now I think I might have the “gay gene.” Can that be? Signed, Maybe Queer

Dear Maybe: There is no such thing. Where’d you come up with this shit anyway? Chill.

Dear Doctor: I’m forty years-old, married, and have what I believe is a normal sex life with my wife. For some unknown reason, I have a desire to have sex with a guy, just to see what it’s like. There’s a young man in our office who I think is gay. Should I just ask him to have sex with me? What do you suggest? Signed, Bi-sexual

Dear Bi: You THINK he might be gay? What is he’s not? I suggest you find a reason to have a drink or two after work with him and see where this goes. Let me know. I care.

Hey Doc: For my thirtieth birthday, my wife gave me a gift certificate for a massage. When I showed up for my appointment, I was told to disrobe and lay flat on the massage table. Once the masseuse had done my back side, he flipped me over and continued with the massage. With about fifteen minutes left on my appointment, he asked if I wanted a “happy ending.” Not knowing what that was, I said OK. And then he commenced to masturbate me! What should I have done? Signed, Jacked Off

Dear Jacked: Obviously you were uncomfortable with the situation, and should have told the masseuse to stop. So how was your hand job?