Action in the ER, Part 3
submitted January 24, 2003
Categories: Doctor
It was my last month at the ER, and I was anxious to start my own urology practice. Needed to make some serious money.
I’d been shuffled around between the day shift, night shift, and weekend duty. Frankly the day shift was best, since we began work at 6 am and were off by 2 pm. This allowed for an occasional round of golf in the afternoon when the courses we not so crowded.
It was Monday morning. Arriving at the ER, I was immediately summoned to an exam room to assist another doctor with setting a broken arm on a young lady who apparently had fallen down a flight of stairs. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d been pushed. Anyway, this procedure was complete by 7 am. I needed a cup of coffee.
Returning from the snack bar, I noticed a chart hanging on the exam room 2. This was an indication that a patient was waiting for a Doctor. Setting my coffee down, I picked up the chart. “Patient is complaining of serious rash” read the admissions form. This should be fairly easy. A free sample of ointment, and they’re out of here.
I opened the door to the exam room and there before me sat a cop, in uniform. “Good Morning Sir,” I said, “What’s the problem?”
“Good morning Doc,” said the cop, who I was guessing was about 30 years old and about 6 feet tall. “Got a rash all over my groin area. It itches like hell.”
“Okay Sir, we’ll have a look,” I said, “But first, if you could remove your gun and holster.”
“Oh yeah,” said the cop as he handed me his weapon. I very gingerly set the gun on an opposite counter. Didn’t want any accidents, especially in the ER.
The cop lay down on the table and I pulled his trousers and underwear down to his knees. Jesus! This was awful. The rash had completely engulfed his entire groin area as well as the side of his hips. “It’s on my rear end too,” said the cop. This would take more than a couple swipes of ointment. First however, I had to figure out what caused this mystery.
The cop was a big guy, but had the smallest penis I’d ever seen. It was actually hiding in the pubic hair. Interestingly, the rash almost resembled the exact outline of a pair of underwear. Several thoughts crossed my mind. “What kind of soap do you use in your laundry?” I asked the cop.
“I don’t know,” replied the cop, “My roommate did the laundry last week.” I reached down to his white briefs now parked on his knees and felt them. They were unusually stiff for just having come out of the laundry. Then I smelled them. Disgusting, but I had to figure this out. The briefs smelled like soap.
“I believe Sir, that your roommate has pulled a prank on you. It appears your underwear have been soaked in laundry detergent, not rinsed but dried, leaving you with a rash.
“That bastard!” shouted the cop, “I’ll murder him!” (Somewhat serious language for an officer of the law.) “What can be done Doc?” asked the cop, still visibly pissed at his roommate.
“Well the first thing I need to do is shave the affected area,” I said, knowing the cop might go berserk.
“You’re going to shave my bush?” asked the cop, as if I was pointing his gun straight at him.
“Got to,” I replied, “To properly treat the rash.”
The cop finally agreed to the treatment, but obviously wasn’t happy about it. I had the patient remove his uniform and spread him out on the exam table, fully naked. He was not a happy camper. I grabbed some gloves and snapped them on.
Gathering a straight razor and some shaving cream, together with several hot towels, I began the task of removing all hair from his mid-section. The rash had crept down to his balls, which were larger than I would have suspected, given the small size of his penis. First, I removed the hair from the side of each hip, and then started on the pubic hair. Holding his penis in one hand, I successfully removed his bush and “happy trail,” which is that hair from your belly button to the base of your dick. Next I worked on the scrotum sack, being extremely careful due to the sensitive of this area.
The cop watched me intently, making sure I didn’t make a slip up with the razor. Can’t say I blame him. I was not satisfied with the first round of hair removal, so I lathered the area up once more for a final pass. As I was shaving the shaft of his very small dick, it began to grow.
“Hey!” said the cop, “What’s going on down there?” as he looked intently at his now rising penis.
“Well Sir,” I said, “Looks to me like you’re about to have an erection. Don’t worry, I’ve seem them before.” The cop mumbled something about “that bastard,” meaning I assumed his roommate.
As I finished the second pass on his front, the cop’s very small dick had become very large, about 7 inches erect and reasonably thick. The head was smaller than most, but pointed in almost a perfect (upside down) “V”. Who ever had circumcised this gentleman should be shot, as the cut was in my opinion, definitely sub-standard.
“Okay Sir,” I said, “If you’ll turn over on your knees, we’ll get the back done.” The cop complied; resting on his knees with his arms on the table, butt straight up in the air. I adjusted his legs and pulled his crack apart exposing the rash. His now baby faced balls hung squarely between his legs, in full view. I’d done a pretty good job. There was an unusual amount of hair in the crack area, so it took several minutes to remove. The rash had actually found its way up the anus, which was not a good sign.
“Okay, the worst is over Sir,” I told the cop, “Stay put, while I prepare the medication.” Stepping to the medicine chest, I pulled out a bottle that contained a potent solution of anti-itch medication. It was also effective in healing a rash of any kind within 24 hours.
I changed gloves, and grabbed some cotton swabs, applying the solution over the rash area on the cop’s backside. Carefully opening the crack with one hand, I bathed the anus area several times; still concerned the rash had found its way up his hole. I grabbed several “Q” tips. “Sir, it’s going to be necessary to medicate your rectum. This may sting a bit,” I said, as I stuck several tips up the anus. And sting it did, as the cop quickly reacted to a foreign object being stuck up his butt. Finishing his rear end, I asked the cop to resume his original position on the table.
When he turned over, his penis was stiffer than ever. I knew we were going to have an accident soon. Grabbing some more swabs, I bathed the rash all around his erect penis, lifting his balls to accomplish the treatment. Because his penis was the most affected by the rash, I spent additional time applying the solution. The cop still had an erection. Lifting his manhood, I stretched the head of his dick to apply medication inside the piss hole.
“Oh God!” shouted the cop, as sperm came shooting out from the hole I was attempting to medicate. “Doc, I’m sorry!” apologized the cop. My left hand was soaked in cum, effectively voiding the previously applied solution. “I’m really sorry Doc!” the cop repeated his apology.
“Hey no problem Sir,” as I washed up for yet another application.
Finally we were done. The cop admitted he felt much better. Well, I’d probably feel much better as well had I just shot my load. While dressing, the cop said to expect his roommate in the ER, since he was going to break his fucking neck.
“Broken necks are an issue here in the ER,” I said, “But we do really well with gun shot injuries.” The cop laughed.
Prior to leaving the exam room, the cop handed me a card that said, “Get out of jail free.” He had signed it and noted his badge number. “If you ever get stopped by a city cop, just give him this card. It’s on the house,” said the cop.
“Thanks!” I said, as the cop left the ER.
Several weeks later I was late for an appointment and was speeding down a residential street, doing 45 MPH in a 30 MPH zone. All of the sudden, a patrol car pulled out from a side street, cherry top flashing. I pulled over; pissed as hell I’d be late for my appointment. I pulled my registration and insurance card from the glove box, together with my “free” card the cop had given me. The patrolman approached my car. It was my patient!
“Hey Doc!” said the cop, “Going a bit fast, aren’t you?” Explaining my behavior, I handed the cop the card he had given me. “Aw, forget it,” said the cop, “You may need it again some time.”
“How’s the rash, Sir?” I asked, really wanting to know.
“Yeah, it’s gone,” replied the cop.
“And your roommate?” I asked.
“Oh this is great Doc,” the cop replied, “I’ve been slipping some salt peter in the orange juice for the past several weeks. He told me just yesterday he couldn’t seem to get it up.” We were both laughing hysterically.
“Well, send the guy over to the ER Sir,” I said, “I’ll pump his dick full of a solution that will produce a perpetual hard-on! That ought to make him happy!”
We both continued to laugh and then went our separate ways.