Can't Cum? Hey! See Your Doctor!
submitted April 11, 2003
Categories: Doctor
After two years of marriage, my wife and I decided to conceive a baby. We tried repeatedly for about two months, oftentimes making love several times a day. I would even sneak home at lunch for a quickie, thinking that would be the one that “took.” As we continued to try, something very weird overcame my body: I could no longer ejaculate. This was indeed a problem, considering we’re attempting to have a baby. But we kept trying.
One time, I must have screwed my wife for two hours in an attempt to cum. No luck. And frankly, she was sick of being fucked for one and two hours at a time. Finally, she insisted I see a doctor. Not exactly what a young virile (questionable apparently) man wants to hear.
So I make an appointment with a Doctor recommended by one of my business associates. I didn’t know much about him, other than he was relatively young. This was okay with me, since I didn’t much want an old fart that couldn’t appreciate my predicament.
The day of my appointment arrived. I checked in with the receptionist, who had me fill out some new patient and insurance forms. “And why are you here to see the Doctor?” asked the receptionist. She looked like a bitch, and I was tempted to say, “Can’t cum.” But I didn’t. Rather I replied with, “Just some male problems.” I could tell she snickered a bit. Bitch.
After waiting about 30 minutes, a nurse fetched me from the waiting room and ushered me to a small examination room. Everything was very white and clean. Since there was no chair, I hopped onto the exam table and waited.
Finally the door opened and the Doctor entered. A young chap, probably about 32 or 33. We exchanged introductions, and the Doctor looked over my paperwork.
“Okay sir, what’s the problem?” asked the Doctor.
“Well Doc, my wife and I are trying to have a baby, but for some reason I simply can’t cum, err, ejaculate. I have no idea what’s wrong,” I said, totally embarrassed.
“I see,” said the Doc, “Do you have any trouble with erections?”
“No, can’t say I do,” I replied, noting to myself how hard my dick was during intercourse.
“Have you tried masturbation sir?” asked the Doc, straight faced.
“Doc, I’ve tried everything … nothing works,” I replied.
“When you’re having intercourse or masturbating, are there occasions when your penis is … you know … overcome with … you know … ‘that feeling’” asked the Doc, still straight faced.
“You mean when you’re about to unload, err, ejaculate?” I asked, seeking clarification.
“Yeah, that’s right,” replied the Doc. I told him no.
“Okay sir, the first thing I want to do is get you checked out … let’s see if there’s any physical problems. If you disrobe, we’ll get started,” said the Doc, motioning me to the hangers on the door.
This wasn’t exactly what I’d counted on. I thought for sure the Doc would simply give me a few pills, which would solve my problem. So I removed all my clothes and resumed my seat on the exam table. I was really embarrassed, sitting nude in front of another man. But hey, he’s a Doctor, right?
The Doc proceeded with the exam in a very methodical manner. Finally he got to the body part in question. “Just stand up now sir, and I’ll get your penis and testicles checked out,” said the Doc, as he snapped on a pair of surgical gloves and had seat on a small rolling stool.
“Just relax sir,” said the Doc, “this won’t hurt a bit,” as he examined my dick and balls.
“Mmmmmmmmm,” said the Doc as he cupped my nuts in his right hand, “Your testicles are about to explode sir. There must be enough semen in there to populate an entire city! Does this hurt? ” The Doc gently squeezed my nuts. “Yeah, kind of,” I replied, never having had a man touch my family jewels.
“We have to get that semen out of there, sir!” said the Doc, “Let’s get you back on the exam table.” I hopped back on the table, and the Doc told me to lie down. “We can to this one of two ways sir,” said the Doc, “First, I can remove the semen using a syringe, or we can do it the old fashioned way … take your pick.”
“What’s the old fashioned way Doc,” I asked, not wanting to be in the same room with a needle.
“Well, we’ll simply masturbate you until we get that load out,” said the Doc, still straight faced serious.
“But Doc,” I said, “I’ve tried that. It won’t work!”
“Yeah, maybe so sir,” said the Doc, “But let’s give it a try anyway. I’m going to use an enhanced method.”
“Okay, what ever you say Doc … I just want to return to normal,” I said, and sincerely meaning it.
“The first thing we’re going to do is get you hard,” said the Doc, as he applied a lubricant to my balls. He then massaged my balls until my dick started to rise. This was truly embarrassing. Once I was hard, the Doc rubbed some lubricant on the tip of my dick, inspecting my piss hole along the way.
“Do you feel anything sir?” asked the Doc, as he continued his treatment on the head of my dick.
“Ah, no Doc,” I said, “Can’t say I do.”
“Mmmmmmmmm,” said the Doc, as he then grabbed my shaft, now fully engaged in masturbating me. “How ‘bout now?” Still nothing.
“Okay sir, we’re going to get that fluid out if it’s the last thing we do,” said the Doc, as he lifted my legs, exposing my butt hole. “Just relax while I insert this vibrator into your rectum. It will massage your prostate, which should stimulate an ejaculation.”
So picture this. The Doc has a vibrator up my butt hole with one hand, and is jacking me off with his other hand. Well, whatever works I guess.
Fifteen minutes went by. Nothing. The Doc was silent, and still on his mission to make me a man again. Another fifteen minutes. Still nothing. Doc continued his treatment.
After forty-five minutes, my dick was starting to turn purple. Doc said it wouldn’t hurt anything. My butt was getting kind of sore, as the vibrator continued to dart in and out of my hole. I sure hope this worked … and soon!
Finally, after about an hour, I started to feel something. “Hey Doc,” I said excitedly, “Something may be happening here.” Pressure was mounting in my balls and the tip of my dick. And then suddenly, “Jesus Doc!” I screamed, “I think I’m there!”
Doc did double time, jamming the vibrator into my hole at a rapid speed and jacking me off as fast as he could go. “You can do it sir!” said the Doc.
“HERE IT COMES!” I shouted, as my entire body started jerking uncontrollably.
“Suck you stomach in sir!” said the Doc, for whatever reason I don’t know.
And it was indeed a gusher. My entire chest was covered with huge spurts of cum. Doc’s hands were covered as well. The vibrator kept a steady pace up my ass. After about forty-five seconds of exploding, there were only dribbles coming from my dick. I was completely exhausted. I think the Doc was too.
“Jesus Doc,” I said, “You think we emptied them suckers?”
“Well if we didn’t sir,” replied the Doc, “You’re testicles are bigger than they look!”
Doc cleaned me up and told me to get dressed. He cleaned himself up too. “Okay sir, here’s the deal,” said the Doc, “apparently you have been suffering from stress, which your body is reacting to. And while you had no difficultly with erections, your testicles didn’t have a clue as to their function. Go home, relax, but refrain from sex until you see me next week.”
I followed the Doctor’s orders, and returned the following week for another consultation. The nurse put me in the same room I’d been before. Doc came in shortly thereafter.
“So sir,” said the Doc, “how are you feeling?”
“Yeah, okay Doc,” I said, “but I’m anxious to have sex again.”
“Okay, but first let’s make sure your body is producing a proper amount of semen. Just stand up and drop your pants. I don’t think this will take long,” said the Doc, again pulling up the stool on wheels.
I dropped my pants and underwear, exposing my dick. The Doc put on some gloves and started examining my balls. “Looks good sir,” said the Doc, “feels like they’re producing the proper amount of fluid. But let’s make sure.”
With that, Doc grabbed some lubricant and started masturbating me. My dick got hard immediately. And he was right--it wouldn’t take long. After less than two minutes, I announced my intention to cum. “Let her rip!” said the Doc, as he continued to stroke my shaft, but moved out of the line of fire. A steady stream of cum came flying from my dick, landing on the floor. Wow! This felt great.
After Doc cleaned me up, I pulled my pants up. Doc scribbled something on my chart. “Okay sir, your job is to go home and produce that baby!” said the Doc, as we exited the room.
Nine months later, my wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. There was quite a commotion in the nursery when my son was taken there. While I hadn’t actually seen “it”, word was out that this child had the biggest penis the staff had ever seen on an infant.
Hey, that’s my boy!