Examination of the Police Force, Part 2
“The police officer is here for his physical exam Doctor,” said the receptionist, as she handed me the paperwork. “Oh yeah, right,” I said, “Just put him in the exam room.” It was the second cop that month. I read over the paper work. A 51-year-old man, married, two grown children. Been on the force 25 years, mainly as a patrolman. Damn! Next time I hope they send me a rookie. The younger ones are so much more fun to examine. I headed towards the exam room.
Opening the door, I almost fainted. There stood a cop, about 5 foot 5 inches, weighting at least 300 pounds--an old fart to boot. This wasn’t going to be pleasant…or would it?
“Good morning officer,” I said, as he stepped forward to shake my hand, “Let’s review your paper work.” I was in no mood for chitchat, given the subject--a fat slob, who obviously didn’t much care about his body. I noticed a pack of cigarettes in his pocket … overweight and a smoker--deadly to say the least.
After a brief discussion, I handed the cop a urine specimen bottle, and directed him to the restroom. “After you have urinated in the cup officer, please remove all your clothes for the examination,” I said.
“Yeah, okay,” responded the cop, as he headed towards the restroom. Hopefully he wouldn’t pop a boner like the last cop, although I was certainly interested to see what this little prick’s prick look like. Bet it was small.
Several minutes later, the cop came out of the restroom and handed me the urine sample. His gut was huge, hanging predominately over his groin area. I couldn’t even see his dick.
“Okay officer, let’s get your temperature,” I said, directing him to bend over the exam table, as I reached for the rectal thermometer. “Will that hurt, Doc?” asked the cop, as I started to insert the instrument into his butt hole. “No, not really, just relax,” I said, now trying to even find his butt hole. His butt was so huge; I practically had to pry his crack apart to find the hole. Finally, I was able to stick the thermometer up his butt, leaving it there for about three minutes.
“Doc, it hurts!” said the cop. He hasn’t seen anything yet. Wait till we do the flexible sigmoidoscopy. “We’re almost done, officer,” I said, as I pulled the thermometer from his ass.
“Let’s get you weighted,” I said, directing him to the scale. Hopefully the cop wouldn’t break it. “Two hundred and ninety-eight pounds!” I said, noting it on the chart. I then measured his height. As I suspected, five-foot, five inches. Short little shit, to say the least.
“Just have a seat on the exam table officer!” I said, pointing the way.
While the officer made a valiant try, he was too fat to lift himself up on the table. I retrieved a stool, and finally the officer was positioned on the table. Once the officer was in a horizontal position, it was the first time I’d seen his penis. The officer was so fat, that his dick had practically imploded into his body. As a result, the length of his penis was about one inch. His balls were about this size of jellybeans. Oh well, we all can’t be blessed like my last cop. After all the standard stuff, I ran an EKG, which produced mixed results. His ticker was working an excessive overtime, due to his weight and lifestyle.
After the EKG, I did the usual examination of the chest and groin area, pressing in strategic places to determine any issues. “Do you feel any pain officer?” I said, as my examination continued.
“Ah, no, not so far,” replied the cop, whose stomach was protruding like a pregnant woman.
“Okay officer, if you stand up, we’ll get your penis and testicles checked out,” I said, thinking there wasn’t much to check out.
The cop stood up, while I pulled the stool up to his groin area. I picked up his balls in one hand and started my examination of his penis in the other. It was the smallest dick I had ever seen. I wondered how much of his dick was buried under all that fat. I further wondered how big his erection was, and how in the world he could have sexual intercourse. I’d get to that issue later.
“Okay officer, have you ever had a flexible sigmoidoscopy?” I asked, assuming he wouldn’t have a clue as to what I was talking about.
“Ah, n …what’s that?” the cop inquired.
“It’s where I insert a flexible tube into your colon to ensure there are no polyps which might cause you trouble later,” I said, holding up the scope. Must have scared the guy to death.
“Is that really necessary, Doctor?” asked the cop, standing naked before me.
“Well, it’s recommended for all men over 50…trust me, it won’t hurt,” I said, knowing full well it would.
“Well, okay,” said the cop, “but let’s get it over with.”
“First officer,” I said, “you will need an enema. Just bend over the exam table, and we’ll get started.”
I prepared the necessary solution, informing the cop what he should expect and what to do…specifically, go to the restroom, hold the solution as long as possible, and release into the toilet. “This doesn’t sound like fun, Doc,” said the fat cop, whose butt hole was about to be invaded.
After inserting the solution into the cop’s butt hole, I directed him to the restroom. Giving him some privacy, I listened intently for the inevitable fluid gushing from his ass. After several minutes, the cop returned to the exam room, where I directed him onto the table in the customary horizontal position.
Lifting his penis and balls out of the way, I first did a prostate exam, but had some trouble given the amount of flesh I had to plow through. Once complete, I prepared the scope for entry into his colon.
About the time I was about to pull the scope out, I noticed the cop’s penis start to move. Apparently the cop felt the movement. “Ah, Doc, I think I’m getting hard,” said the cop, whose face had turned crimson red.
“That’s okay officer, I’ve seen ‘em before,” I replied, anxious to see how big (or little) the sucker was. Once the scope was out, I announced to the cop that his colon “looked good” but that I was concerned about his prostate.
“How often do you have sex, officer?” I asked, assuming his answer would be “never” due to the size of his prick. By now, the officer’s erection was fully formed…it looked to be about three inches…about the size of a well-used pencil.
“Well, Doc, it’s been a while. With my weight, it’s difficult to achieve penetration,” said the cop.
“Do you masturbate?” I asked, anticipating the answer.
“Ah, yeah, now and then,” replied the cop, “but that’s okay, isn’t it?”
“Oh of course,” I said, “In fact, I recommend three or four times per week. Keeps the prostate healthy.” It was now time for the sperm sample.
“Okay officer, I need to collect a sperm sample. Just relax while I stimulate you to ejaculation,” I said, assuming he’d object.
“Yeah, okay,” replied the officer “looks like I’m ready, wouldn’t you say?”
After lubricating the officer’s weenie, it didn’t take long for an ejaculation to materialize. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much there, as it dribbled out, making it difficult to collect a sample. I was tempted to ask the officer to return for another sample, but decided I could do with what little I had.
“Okay officer, we’re done. You can get your clothes back on,” I said, motioning the cop to the restroom.
Once the cop was dressed, I asked him to sit down. “Officer, I am concerned about your weight…and those cigarettes aren’t exactly doing you any good. Perhaps you need to consider a diet”
“Yeah, Doc, I suppose so, but I’ve tried about everything. Nothing seems to work,” replied the cop, who was anxious to leave. What the cop didn’t know, was the fact I had to power to flunk him on his physical exam, rendering him off the street onto a desk job.
“Well, why don’t you give it a try…my receptionist will mail you some material,” I said, knowing full well he’d toss it in the trash.
“Yeah, okay doc,” replied the officer, as he got up to leave. “By the way Doc, would you mind if I grabbed one of those doughnuts in the reception area on my way out. They look awfully tasty.”
Jesus. “Yeah, help yourself officer,” I said with disgust.
Our next officer to visit the Doctor is a real problem. First, he refuses to get naked for the examination…and eventually the Doctor discovers why. Be sure and read Part 3.