Gay Erotic Stories

Dear Readers: This is the all true story of a short period in my life where I was involved in the television industry, when someone hired me to produce a program about sex. Go figure. I've had to play detective and even filch some stuff from other people's computers to find all the correspondence, notes, e-mails, etc. that tell the story, and while I didn't find everything, I've got enough to tell the whole sordid tale, I think. You decide. As with all of my writing, you should be over 18 to read it. I don't know exactly how the TV channel is going to get around having underage viewers watch the show, but that's not my problem, so I'll let them deal with it. They'll probably just flash that little [TV-MA] box in the upper left corner of the screen when the show starts, and then all the kiddies will know to turn off the set and go to the basement and play Doctor or something. I figure the TV rating system has to be at least as effective as these disclaimers. Thanks for reading. Cordially, s/M1KE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Am M1ke's Dick - by M1KE HUNT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. Hunt: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Harry Throckmorton, owner of a small television production company in Abilene, Texas. We have produced many television shows for such cable networks as A&E ("Pyramids of Cairo" and "Pyramids of the Incas"), The Discovery Channel ("Pyramids of London" and "Pyramids of Abilene"), the Weather Channel ("Pyramids of Ice") and HGTV ("Pyramids In Your Backyard"). The Public Broadcasting Corporation has commissioned Pyramid Productions to produce a documentary on male sexuality and reproduction. We're thinking of calling it "Pyramids of Pleasure", although the title hasn't really been decided yet. At any rate, we are in the beginning process of our research, and have been referred to you as a noted expert in the field of human sexuality. If you would like to join us in this project, would you please forward your resume and credentials to me at your earliest convenience? Thank you for your time. Cordially, s/ Harry Throckmorton -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. Throckmorton: Thank you for your letter and expression of interest. I don't know where you got my name, (and I would be curious to find out), but I'm afraid that some of your facts are wrong. I am not an expert in the field of human sexuality, although I guess I've gotten more than my fair share of pussy, if you know what I mean. I am, however, a writer of some note in the sex field, so perhaps that is how my name fell into your hopper. Yes, I would be interested in participating in your project, depending on the terms and conditions, work required, pay schedules, etc. What I lack of scientific credentials I make up in enthusiasm, and I am enclosing my resume and other vital statistics so that you may make an informed decision as to whether I could be of benefit to this project. Thank you for your interest. Sincerely, x/ M1KE HUNT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Resume M1KE HUNT 232 Willow Morton Lane Wanachunukee Falls, KS 23185 Objective: To secure a role in production of television documentary Experience: 1971: First sexual experiences with Jimmy Vertis. Discovered pornography. 1972: Felt up Jenny Sue Rhodes on my basement pool table 1974: First blow job from my cousin. 1977: Fucked former high school girlfriend in the ass. 1979: Got a hand job from a nurse while in the hospital. 1982: Helped during a Wet-T-Shirt contest. 1982: Fucked a transvestite in front of the post office. 1983: Screwed a girl just minutes before she got married. 1984: (various) Rented car to college friends so they could get laid. 1984: Returned vacuum cleaner to neighbor. Fucked her. 1985: Short stint as a Lingerie Salesman 1985: Brief romance with neighbor in a Chicago high-rise. 1987: Took dirty pictures of a couple. Fucked the wife. 1987: Fucked the wife again. Husband not around this time. 1988: One night stand in Boston with unnamed married woman. 1990: Got married to June. 1992: Visited June's old college roommate. Fucked her. 1993: Had interracial sex at the O'Stikkit Inn. 1994: Involved in divorce lawsuit. Was discovered fucking a guy's wife. 1995: Artificial insemination experiment with the neighbors. 1996: Two girl gang-bang with identical twins. 1997: Watersports with June in Denver. 1997: Began writing stories. References: Available on request -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. Hunt: Thank you for your letter and candor. While your resume is interesting, to say the least, it is not exactly what we expected, and I'm not sure if it will fit our needs at this time. I will keep your information on file, and will be in touch in the event that we can use your services. Cordially, s/ Harry Throckmorton -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. Throckmorton: I was disappointed in your response, but understand completely. I'm sure that for a documentary on Public Television you will need to have consultants with academic credentials and big sounding titles, even if they have no fucking clue what sex is like out in the real world. I remind you that I am a writer, and might be of value when you are trying to make such intellectual and arcane information accessible to the general public. I have "real world" experience, and have been told that I write at about a 3rd grade level. Most people have completed at least that much education, so I believe I am quite qualified. Hoping to hear from you, s/ M1KE HUNT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: Harry Throckmorton from: John Tyler - CPB Harry: Have you had any luck in enlisting M1KE HUNT for the project? John -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: John Tyler, PBS from: Harry Throckmorton John: I've contacted him, but he has no credentials at all. I'm looking for someone who's recognized in the field, and certainly who has more experience in the television industry. Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: Harry Throckmorton from: John Tyler - CPB I gave you M1KE's name because I think he'd be helpful to the project. He *is* a writer, and he has a ton of experience with sex. You can find all the "experts" you want and interview them and include as much or as little of them in the program as you deem necessary. I wish you'd take another look at M1KE. And I wish you'd take another look at our contract. I work for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, not PBS. It's just politics, but it's important to note the difference. John -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: John Tyler - CPB from: Harry Throckmorton Thanks for the note. I have M1KE's credentials on hand and I've talked it over with the staff here, and we're just not sure how he fits in. He has done *no* writing for television, he has no academic background to speak of, and he barely writes a literate letter. I don't mean to argue with you, John, but you've commissioned my company to produce this documentary and so far, at least, he simply doesn't fit the "vision" that I have for the program. I'll keep looking, though. Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: Harry Throckmorton from: John Tyler - CPB Harry: I decide how to allocate over $6 million dollars a year in Public Television production funds. I decided to entrust you with $400,000 to produce this documentary. I know that crap you do for the cable networks comes in at about $125,000 per. There is enough money here to put the guy on the payroll and see if he produces something. I happen to like M1KE HUNT's work. Have you read any of his stories? He has a style that's not often found when writing about sex, and I think it could add a flavor that could set this project apart. Some people think his work is quite sophomoric, but I'd say that's an overestimation, frankly. Still, he has a different viewpoint. Why don't you decide for yourself? Visit his website at http://baird.pair.com/mrm1ke.htm and see what you think. John -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins I just got a pretty strong letter from John Tyler about hiring this HUNT guy. On his advice I also visited HUNT's website and read a couple of his stories. Talk about LAME! Do me a favor, go to the site (http://baird.pair.com/mrm1ke.htm) and read a couple yourself and let me know what you think, OK? Maybe I'm crazy. Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Harry Throckmorton OK, I read a couple of the stories. LAME doesn't begin to describe it. Can't imagine what John is thinking. Sally -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: John Tyler - CPB from: Harry Throckmorton John, I've had a couple of people here check out M1KE HUNT, and we just don't see the need or how he might contribute. You've entrusted us to produce a documentary worthy of the vaunted reputation of Public Broadcasting, and we *will* deliver. I am sending under separate cover a "first look" at our script. I've put in the names of some of the experts who have agreed to participate; you'll notice a lot of Ph.D.'s and medical types. We've even made contact with a couple of "porn" stars, which we think will add a titillating edge to the project. We'll handle it with good taste, of course. Let me know what you think. Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: Harry Throckmorton from: John Tyler . Senior Vice President . Corporation for Public Broadcasting I'm going to say this slowly and pronounce each syllable so you understand. Hire the guy or I'll rip up your shitty little contract and you can go back to doing Pyramids of Mashed Potato shows for the Food Network. I wouldn't have even thrown this project your way except you convinced that schmuck at BBD&O to hire my daughter. Now DO IT. John -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear M1KE: I apologize for the delay in getting back to you. It's been hectic around here, and I've barely had a moment to talk to the staff, much less keep up with correspondence. Good news! We're working up the production schedule on the doc and have what we think is a marvelous opportunity for you. If you're still interested, please let me know. To try to keep this simple, I'd propose we hire you as a freelance writer for 3 months, at $500 per month. Any work you produce during that time, of course, is the proprietary property of Pyramid Productions, to use or not use as we deem appropriate. At the end of that period, we will either retain you for another 3 months during actual production at a rate of $750 per month, or pay you a "kill" fee of $1000 and sever our relationship. If these terms meet your approval, please sign and return one copy of this letter of agreement for my files. Cordially, s/ Harry Throckmorton -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins Sorry to do this to you, but John is fucking forcing me to hire this HUNT guy. I gave him a *low-ball* offer hoping that he won't take it, but if he does, we're stuck. You have to find something for him to do. Try to figure out something where he can play where he won't get in the way, OK? Sorry again. It's just politics. Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to: Harry Throckmorton Thanks for the pain-in-the-ass. I know it's not your fault, but like we have to babysit some idiot friend of John's. How about we have him do a "The Making Of..." instead of working on the actual project? That way he's not involved in the doc at all, and whatever he gives us we can just deep-six and say "it didn't work." Sally -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to: Sally Wiggins Brilliant! I'll let you know if he decides to take it. Oh, and I don't think he's a friend of John's. John just likes his stories or something. You believe that???? Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Harry: Thank you for the offer, it's more generous than I imagined! I'd be thrilled to participate. You didn't outline exactly what my responsibilities would be, however, and if you could give me a brief outline of just what you envision my role to be, I'd be most appreciative. The creative juices are already starting to flow. Can't wait! The signed letter of agreement is attached. Appreciatively, s/ M1KE HUNT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to: Sally Wiggins Sal. Got the letter from M1KE HUNT. He took it. Sorry. He even said "the creative juices are starting to flow." Oh, brother! As much as I hate to do it, he's your problem now. I guess that's why you get the BIG BUCKS. Ha ha ha. Take him off my hands, get him started, leave him alone. Wish I had better news, but that's life, I guess. Harry -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to: Harry Throckmorton Thanks for nothing. Will do. I deserve a raise. Sally -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. Hunt: Harry Throckmorton just gave me the good news! I can't wait to begin working with you. I've even read two of your stories and found them mildly amusing! Harry and I had a little conversation in the hall and he mentioned that you were wondering just what you'd be doing. Good question. I like that. Shows that you're on the ball. We pretty much have the actual doc scoped out, and I'm in charge of the production on that. What we thought would be just terrific is to have a "Making Of..." documentary going on at the same time. It would be sort of a "camera behind the camera" angle on how the show is produced. That way PBS can use it in a separate time slot to promote the actual show, and perhaps run it immediately following the program for viewers who are curious about how a program such as this gets produced. Since I'll be tied up with the production of the show itself, you'll have unusual freedom to work. In fact, it won't be necessary for you to get approval for your ideas, your thoughts, or anything really. I should note that any expenditure over $25 must be approved in advance, but other than that, you're pretty much on your own! That's rare in the television industry, but these "once in a lifetime" chances don't come along too often, so I'd grab it if I were you. Actually, I envy you. Anything I do has to be approved by Harry, then by the guy from PBS who's hired us, then by some committee of whoever somewhere. It's all politics, but I guess it's part of the game! Welcome aboard. There's no need for you to correspond with me further. As I say, you have total creative freedom here. Sincerely, s/ Sally Wiggins -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sally: Thanks for the letter and the exciting opportunity! I know you said I don't need to correspond with you further, but I do need a little help getting started. For instance, since I have no experience in the television field, how do I prepare a budget? For that matter, how do I write a script? Isn't there supposed to be a director involved? How many cameras do you think the "Making Of..." project will take? I have a thousand questions, and a little preliminary direction would be helpful. And by the way, you've been hard to find for the past few days. Maybe you should have someone check out your voice mail, because I think it might be dropping some messages! Thanks again. Looking forward to hearing from you. Cordially, s/ M1KE HUNT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear M1KE: Of course you have questions. Perfectly legitimate. I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't communicate with me, only that it wasn't necessary. However, since I'm going to be so busy with the production, I'm probably not the best person to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I'm going to hand you off to one of our Production Assistants, Lori Walker, who has more free time and should be able to assist you. Lori just graduated from Carver Technical, and did an internship at Channel 6 here in Abilene, so she's very qualified to answer any of your questions. Please direct your future correspondence to her. Cordially, s/ Sally Wiggins -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Lori Walker A guy named M1KE HUNT will probably be calling you or writing you. Harry has hired him to do a little "behind the scenes" story on the new doc we're working on. I don't have the time to deal with him, so he ends up in your lap. He'll probably have a bunch of really elementary questions, but I'd appreciate it if you would hold his hand and help him along as necessary. He's a friend of some bigwig, or something, so treat him well, but don't let him get in the way of your own job, OK? And don't let him spend any money. He's a writer. All he needs is some paper and maybe a little telephone expense. Sally -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins: OK. M1KE HUNT. Funny name. I'll wait for his call. Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RING. RING. RING. "Lori Walker." "Hi, my name is M1KE HUNT, and..." "Oh hi. I've been expecting your call." "Oh good. Hey, do you mind if I record this? I have one of those little suction cup recorder thingies and it saves me from having to write everything down while I'm talking. Sometimes I mess up my notes. Heck, I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time." "No, sure, go ahead." "Thanks. I have a thousand questions, and Sally wrote to me and said you were the person to talk to." "I'll do my best." "Great. First, uh, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, exactly. They want a "The Making Of..." thing, so I guess I need to know what it is you're making. I'll need a script, or whatever you call it. And I guess a production schedule. Those would get me started, at least. And then I'll need some help figuring out how to make my own script about your script. And budgeting. And, like, how many cameras to use, and how much that costs, and who to hire, and... "OK. Let's get started at the beginning, OK? I'll send you the script as it exists today. It'll probably change here and there, but it'll point you in the right direction. Of course you won't know what the "experts" are going to say, because we haven't interviewed them yet. But we know what we're going to ask, and we've done enough research on them to know kind of what they'll answer, so it should be close." "I see." "But you should know that sometimes an interview goes badly, or the guy looks like a nerd and we won't end up using the interview at all. So like I say, it all could change." "I see." "And as for budgeting, well, I can help you with that. A camera operator gets... \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / "Wow, I can't believe we've been on the phone for an hour, but my cassette just popped up! Anyway, I guess that's enough for now. Thanks! I'm sure I'll have more questions. I'll probably think of a couple right after I hang up! So I'll call, but I'll try not to be a pest, OK? "No problem. Glad to help." CLICK. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins: Just got off the phone with M1KE HUNT. And I thought *I* was a beginner. Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to: loriwalker@juno.com from: mrm1ke@aol.com Dear Lori: Hi there, it's me again. You've been kind of hard to get hold of lately, and I haven't been able to get either Harry or Sally on the phone for the past two months. I guess they travel A LOT! Say, I've had a real problem here. My computer crashed and wiped out my hard drive and most everything on it. I have some of my early correspondence from a few months ago on a back-up disk, but I've lost everything from the last 60 days. You wouldn't happen to have a copy of any of it would you? Obviously especially important is the script I sent you about two weeks ago. That's gone too, and I'm not sure if I can recreate it from memory. I'll do my best if you don't have it, but what-a-pain. I guess I should have been a little more diligent about doing back-ups, but I wasn't. Live and learn. Hey, help me out here, would you? Thanks. M1KE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to: mrm1ke@aol.com from: loriwalker@juno.com M1KE: Sorry to tell you but I don't have the script around anywhere. You only sent one copy on paper, and I can't seem to find it anywhere in my file. How about if you drop back to that other idea I suggested? Just hire one guy with a video camera, and one sound-guy to roll audio, and put it together "after the fact." After all, that's sort of how the folks in the TV newsrooms do it. Anyway, we start production on Tuesday, so I don't know that you have much choice. Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Sally Wiggins: Just got an e-mail from M1KE HUNT. I know you said not to bother you, but he's blown up his computer and lost his script. I suggested he hire a camera guy and audio and just roll tape. God knows what that would accomplish, but at least it would be pretty cheap. Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- interoffice e-mail to Lori Walker I kicked your note up to John, who had a conversation with the PBS guy. Seems like we're to do whatever it takes to keep this schmuck around. Budget's tight. Make it as cheap as you can. Chances are we won't use the damn stuff anyway, but don't tell him that. Sally -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to: mrm1ke@aol.com from: loriwalker@juno.com Just got approval for one videographer and one audio guy. I think that's our best shot now. I'll hire them, and see you Tuesday. Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to: loriwalker@juno.com from: mrm1ke@aol.com OK. Thanks. Very disappointing, though. I had some good ideas in that script. I especially liked the pinhole camera in the vagina idea. Ah well. M1KE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memo to: Tom Wilcox and Wilfred Barleff c/o Jangles Productions OK, I've gotten approval for your day rate for 3 days, Tuesday through Thursday. You'll be shooting a verite style documentary of us doing our real-life documentary. I'd suggest you just stock up on tape and roll as much as you can. For audio, try to keep the thing running 100% of the time; we can always cover some portions with B-roll if we don't have the video at that moment. For the video, Tom, you should also try to roll as much as you can. Hey, it's only tape, right? We're rolling film in the big cameras, so the lighting might not be just what you want for video, but do the best you can. Sorry. Remember to stay out of the way of the "big" production. See you Tuesday. Your paychecks will be available Friday from Lynda in Accounts Payable. You can also submit receipts for the tape and other casual expenses you may have. Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {transcribed from audio tape} "Does anybody know where the goddamn stud is?" [breathless] "Oh shit, I just got a call from the service. He's not coming. Had a car accident or something last night and has some lacerations." [explosive] "FUCK! You're shitting me! We've got crews here, lighting directors, producers, catered lunch. What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK!" "Hey, I'm just the messenger, OK?" "Yeah, sorry Lori. FUCK! ... FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" [silence] "OK, how about you get on the phone pronto and call some escort services and see if you can dredge up a guy. Try to find somebody decent looking. FUCK!" "OK. Right on it." \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / "Nothing. The escort services all deal with girls. Nobody calls for guys. They don't even have any suggestions." "FUCK! DOUBLE FUCK! This is 10 grand, easy, pissed away. TRIPLE FUCK!" "OK, everybody, listen up. I think we're going to wrap for the day. We'll get it all straightened out I FUCKING HOPE by tomorrow. Call back around 4:00 to see if there's a shoot tomorrow..." "Excuse me, may I interrupt?" "Huh. You have something to add? Who the fuck are you?" "M1KE HUNT" "Oh brother. I mean, uh, sorry. Just frustrated. Sure, go ahead champ. What 'cha got?" "Well, you could just do the close-up shots today, and then reschedule some of the longer shots, you know, with the 'actors' tomorrow, and then splice it all together later, couldn't you?" "Yeah. Terrific. In fact, that's exactly what we were going to do. Great thought. See, the close-up shots require a male organ. See? No actor, no penis. See? Thanks for the idea, but..." "Well I could volunteer." "Beg pardon?" "I have some experience in the sex field. I've been naked in front of people before. It's no big thing." "Uh, what? Uh, you mean, use you?" "Sure. Why not?" "Well, uh, maybe. I mean, uh, yeah, maybe. You could do this?" "Like I said, no big thing." "Hey LISTEN UP everybody. We'll take a 20 minute break and try to regroup at, uh, 10:30, OK?" [sounds of people moving around. tape cuts off.] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {this section recreated from memory as best I could} "Listen, I didn't mean to be short with you. Sorry about that 'who the fuck are you' remark. I just saw the whole thing crumbling in front of me..." "No sweat. I understand the pressure. Uh, you'll pay me for this, right?" "Pay you?" "Well, you were going to pay the actor, and now you're not, right? So I think I should be compensated the same as him." "I guess you kind of have me over a barrel." "I don't mean it that way. But fair's fair." "Right. $1000 for the day." "ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS? HOLY SHIT! I'm working for $750 a month doing all this other shit and this guy gets $1000 for a day's work??? HO-LEE SHIT!!!" "Yeah, well, performers, you know." "Done!" "OK, let me see." "Let you see?" "Yeah. Drop trou. If you're going to be center stage in this thing, I have to see. See?" "Uh, yeah, sure. No prob." "Well, you were right." "How so?" "You said 'No big thing.' You weren't kidding." "Hey, that's unnecessary. If you don't want..." "No, no, it's fine. Just not what I was expecting, that's all. It'll be fine. We'll use trick photography." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {transcribed from audio tape} "OK, is everybody back? Goddamn it it's 10:35. Where's Lori?" "Right here. Had to make a pit stop. There was a line." "OK everybody, let's get cracking. Fred, you all set with the lights? Good. OK, honey, your name was what, Melanie? Fine Melanie. Take off your clothes and go stand over there. Yeah, there's a robe for you to wear until the cameras start rolling. Lori? Get her the robe. Tom, you all set with the camera?" "Not yet. I need to have him over here for focus." "M1KE, go stand over there. You can wear the robe. I'll tell you when to lose it. OK, is everybody fucking ready? I'm going to have a breakdown." "Ready" "Ready" "Ready" "Ready" "OK M1KE, the first shot is of a penis while it's hardening. It'll be done in silhouette for dramatic effect. Talk to us while it's happening. Tell us what you're feeling, what's going through your mind." "OK Sure. Stand over here?" "Yeah, that's it." "Sound?" "Sound!" "Camera?" "Ready" "OK, everybody, ACTION!" [silence] "Talk to us, M1KE" "Oh yeah, sorry. I'm just standing here. This is a little weird. Is this good?" "It's fine. Don't 'talk to US', *talk* to us." "Oh, sure. Yeah, well I can feel my dick." "Use the word penis. This is for TV." "Right. I can sense my penis. There's just the slightest tingle, almost like the tingle in your skin when you've been out in the snow and you've gotten a little too cold and you feel like there's a tiny electric current running through you. Like I say, just a tingle. But it's enough to let me know that I'm beginning to get aroused. At least it has my attention. It would help if I had something to look at. I'm quite visually oriented." "Most guys are. Melanie, would you mind?" "Not at all." "Oh that's lovely. She's opening up her robe and letting me peek inside. Definite arousal as I look at the cleavage between her tits...." "Please use the word 'breasts'" "Yeah, sorry. I can't see all of her breasts, but that makes it even more arousing, because I know there's more to come, and I enjoy the slow, delicious tease as much as any other part of the encounter itself." [silence] "Keep talking." "Yeah, well the tingle in my dick, er, penis, is growing stronger. More insistent. I can definitely feel the blood flowing, and I can tell I'm enlarging in size. It feels as though I'm gaining length first, but now here comes some sensation on the outer circumference of the organ, so I guess I'm growing in all directions. The sensation doesn't feel like a tingle anymore, it's more of a sensation of a light throbbing of the member, and it extends all the way from the base to the tip. The sensation feeds upon itself, and from this point on it's pretty much all automatic. I've done this before. Thousands of times. "Thanks for the personal history." "Yeah, uh, well, just rambling here. Hope you can use some of it." "It's fine. I shouldn't have interrupted." "OK, I'm only about quarter way to full erection, as you can tell. No jokes, please. But once I'm here, about the only thing that will kill the journey is a major interruption of some kind, like my mother showing up in the door or something. Sorry if this is too personal..." "You're doing fine. Keep going." "I don't know if it's like this for most men, but from this point on, I'll go complete erect in a minute or two, then maybe soften a little. Yep, still growing. This gets embarrassing sometimes, like if I see some woman at the mall bending over to check out something on a lower shelf and I can look down her blouse, even for a second, the process starts and then I have to go all the way to having a full erection inside my pants before I can get control back again." "Would you stick to the sensations? I don't know if we can use the personal highlights." "Sorry. So as I say, from here on it's a predestined journey. Uh, can I touch myself?" "No. We need to see the erection only." "OK, it just feels so good when I do. OK, uh, where was I. The feeling seems to be moving back toward the base of my, uh, penis. I'm filling with blood, and I can feel the little sacs or whatever it is that holds it all filling. In another couple of seconds I'll be at full erection, and then I'll even be able to feel my heartbeat as my body tries to pump even more into my dick. Sorry, my penis..." [silence] "Uh, lost in my thoughts for a second. So I'm looking at Melanie's breasts, here, and now I know that my sexual feelings are centered in my head as I look at her magnificent, uh, body, but the physical feeling is centered in my penis, and as you can see, I'm almost fully erect." [grunting noise] "It feels as though the tingling is moving around on my penis. Not dancing around so much as migrating, from the base, around one side, then down to the tip, back up the other side. It takes many seconds for the cycle to complete, and it's not really a cycle, exactly, just a feeling of arousal here and there in my penis." [another grunting noise] "Oh boy, I am almost there. Feels like there's a pencil right down the center, actually, it must be the wall of the shaft that's as erect at the outer wall, because I can actually feel it throbbing against the inside while the outside pulses. Whew! Never sat back to analyze it before. Man what a boner!" "M1KE!" "Sorry. There. Fully erect. Whew! What a feeling, Toyota." "What?" "Sorry. Bad joke. I do that sometimes. I'll try to get control." "OK." "OK, everybody, CUT!" "Cut?" "Yeah, cut. We're done with the shot. We'll do it two more times to make sure we have it..." "Two more times?" "Yeah, have to have a safety in case the film doesn't come out or there was a hair in the lens or something. Is there a problem?" "Well, uh, I wasn't expecting.... Yeah, I guess I can do that. I need a little cooling off period." "Of course." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {recreated, again to the best of my recollection} "M1KE that was pretty good. The first take was the best, but we've got enough to work with out of the three. Nice job. Lunch time" "Thanks." "But for this afternoon, let's try to cut down on the personal history part and pick up on the 'what you're feeling now' motif, OK? I mean, you did well this morning, but this afternoon we only get one take, understand? We have to get enough material the one time. Unless you can promise me you're some kind of stud muffin and can go twice..." "Well, it's happened, but I wouldn't want to guarantee it. Maybe maybe, but not probably." "OK, then let's keep in mind the purpose. Your feelings, as you're having them." "When does all this get used?" "In the doc? Like when one of the scientific experts is talking about male arousal, we'll do a squeeze box of your dick, uh, I mean, your penis in silhouette. The science guy makes it OK to show it on TV. Without him, no go. Of course we'll have to pixellate the shot to camouflage it a little." "So what do you need my personal reactions for? You're not just going to play the whole thing, right?" "Right. But from time to time we may want to dip into the soundtrack, or as we cut from one noted expert to another, maybe we hear a sentence or two from you before we bring on the next expert. It's a production technique that keeps the scene changing fast enough so people don't get out the clicker." "You think somebody's going to change channel while there's a dick on TV?" "Hey, we might be against Monday Night Football. We're just as competitive as the next guy." "Oh." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {transcribed from audio tape} "OK, everybody back from lunch? Where the hell is Lori?" "She went out to get some condoms. She said she forgot to pick them up yesterday." "We're not doing condoms. We'll see the roll in the closeup. It'll ruin the mood. Talked it over with John. We're not doing condoms. That OK with you, M1KE?" "Yeah, sure." "You, Melanie?" "Yeah, I guess. Either way. Doesn't matter to me." "OK everybody, let's SET UP." "Melanie, you go sit on the bench. Sort of scoot forward and open your legs." "M1KE, you go kneel in front of her." "Like this?" "Yeah, fine." "Melanie, sorry. You have to lose the robe and the negligee." "Why?" "It's Public TV. Negligee is sexually arousing, full nudity is, uh, scientific." (whispered) "Weird." (whispered) "I know. I'd like you better in the little outfit." (whispered) "Me too, but she's the boss. (whispered) "Yeah." "OK M1KE, get an erection." [silence] "M1KE?" "I'm working on it. Gimme a minute." "OK, sorry." [silence] "OK, that looks good. Sound?" "Been rolling for 5 minutes." "Camera?" "Ready." "OK let's go....and....ACTION." "So now I just slide into her?" "Yes. Slowly, please. And talk to us, remember?" "Right. OK, I'm feeling hard, I have that pulsing back in my penis, just like before. Whew, bone-a-rama." "M1KE!" "Sorry. No slang. I forgot. OK, I'm pointing right at her cunt..." "M1KE!" "WHAT???" "Can't say 'cunt'. Use 'vagina.'" "OK." "I'm aimed right at her vagina. Do you notice? I can see her arousal, too. Her vaginal area is starting to swell a little, I think. Yes? No?" "Yes, I'm feeling a little dampness. That's what it feels like to me. Maybe there's some swelling, I can't tell." "Excuse me guys, we're here to hear him, not her. It's a doc on MALE sexuality." "But it helps ME to hear her." "OK, let her talk. But keep it down. I mean UP. You know what I mean." "Right. And if I look really closely, I can see her clitoris beginning to move, ever so slightly. See it? It's trying to stand up a little. Barely moving, really, often you can't see that. But with Melanie I can see..." "No names please." "Right. But I can see her whole area responding, getting softer, puffier. Probably wetter, too. Lubricating?" "You bet." "Thought so. OK, I'm putting the head of my penis right up against her cu...uh, her vagina. I'll just leave it there for a few moments. This is my favorite part, just as I enter. The head of my penis feels the contact with her skin, but I don't push through because I want to prolong the moment." [silence] "And now I like to stare her in the eye. It's a sort of power thing, I guess, really. I think it's probably left over from when I was 13 and knew that girls didn't do this sort of thing, and yet here I am about to do this, and I want to watch her as I push my way into her. More than that, I want her to look me in the eye, too. Much more satisfying than if she closes her eyes or looks away." "M1KE, you're getting a little off track." "Really? I thought this was what you wanted." "Physical sensations." "Right. OK, I'm looking at her with wonder, knowing I'm about to have sex, and with just a tiny push, I can feel the head of my penis slip inside her. WOW! Always great! Boy is she lubricated!" [silence] "Sometimes you have to fight your way in, but not today. She's pouring it out there. With one good push I could seat myself right up to my groin, but I don't want to do that. I want to slide in, slowly, deliciously, deliberately, a little at a time. And I want to watch her to see her reaction all along the way." [silence] "Pushing. Pushing. Uhhh." [a grunting noise] "OK, that's it. All the way in. You guys getting all this?" "We're fine, M1KE. You concentrate on your job." "Right. Sorry. So now I'm pulling out, and I can feel her sex grabbing at me, and I can feel the most delightful wetness surrounding me. And I feel heat, and cold. Half of my dick is still in her, and it's so wet and warm, and the half that's outside is cool. The moisture evaporating, I guess. I'll have to push back in before I catch cold." [silence] "Keep talking." "Yeah, well, not much to say. Just fucking. I'll speed up a little. Wack-a-wack. That's what happens. I start slow and work my way faster. Boom-ba-la-boom. Faster, faster." [noises] "Did you see that? She pulled her legs farther apart. I thought they were as far apart as they could be and she pulled them even farther apart. I LOVE that. Love it when a woman shows reaction, instead of just lying there like a lump. Even if they can't move because they're pinned down, when they try to move it's incredibly erotic because it means they're into it. Dirty girls. Ha!" [silence] "Bango bango. Uh, can't really talk now. Is that OK?" "Yeah, whatever. We've got enough, I think. Have to have the orgasm though." "Sure. Glad to. You want a cum shot?" "God NO! This isn't a porno. You cum inside her, just like you would in real life. Who the hell pulls out and shoot all over the woman's face or whatever? We'll watch you from the back, here. Make it obvious, though." "Don't worry, it will be. It always is." "Bango bango. Sorry, I know that sounds dumb. Can't think of anything to say. Just working on my, uh. uh..starting the build. Starting the build. Starting..." "Oh, amazing sensation ... feel the build ... starting right at the back of my dick ... tingly ... more than tingly ... pleasure ... feels like a vibrator... electricity ... WOW ... know I'm going to cum ... building ... feel it ... AHHHHH.... there it is ... AHHHH ... again .... Ahhhh ... really good .... ahhhh ..... some more .... ahhh ... oooo . uhhhh." "Whew." "Double whew." "Whoa nice. Slipping out, now. Thank you Melanie. Eternally grateful." "Glad to help. Not bad, actually." "Thanks." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Harry: Thank you for sending the check so quickly. On top of the regular fee, it really comes in handy. I bought a brand new color TV so I can watch the show when it finally airs. By the way, I'm looking forward to putting together "The Making Of..." with Lori and Sally next week. Thanks again. s/ M1KE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- M1KE: I just wanted to drop you a note and tell you what a wonderful time I had putting together "The Making Of..." with you last week. I'm not sure if the folks "upstairs" will be able to use it on TV, but it sure was fun sitting there with you in the editing room watching all that HOT action. I suppose it would have come out even better if we'd paid more attention to the editing and color correction and a little less to what was going on under the table, if you remember what I mean. Anyway, thanks again for showing me those moves. I won't soon forget the production of this production on reproduction. Love, Lori -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear M1KE: The program is finally done. I'm sorry that I had to keep calling you back to Abilene for those minor changes, but at least I convinced Harry to pay all your travel expenses and pop for another two months' fees, so I hope you thought it was worth it. I know those late night long sessions were hard on you, but they were even harder on me! (giggle) I'm still thinking about them, and I'm trying to figure out a way to get you back here at least one more time. Maybe we could have a big premiere party for the crew when the show is finally broadcast. If I can squeeze a couple of bucks out of the tight-ass upstairs, I'll let you know. And if so, it would be nice if you could come in early, 'cause we wouldn't have much time together during the actual event, if you catch my meaning. Thanks again. Nice, ah, working with you. Fondly, Sally -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear M1KE: Congratulations are in order all around! The project has been approved by the powers-that-be at PBS and will go on the schedule in another couple months. I'm surprised at the amount of time you're in the show; originally the part of the actor was to be quite a bit smaller than that of the experts. But I guess Sally and Lori got other ideas during the post production and changed it all around. I should tell you I'm glad you were there on the first day of shooting. Saved my ass, if you know what I mean. I'm enclosing a special bonus of $100 with this letter as my way of saying thank you. It's too bad "The Making Of..." didn't work out. Maybe we should have spent a little more and gotten a full crew and used film instead of that shitty videotape. We knew the lighting wouldn't be perfect, but who could have guessed that everything would come out with that greenish tint? Ah well. Once again, thanks for your input. The girls can't stop talking about it. Sincerely, s/ Harry Throckmorton -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Harry: I'm not one to say I told you so, but I told you so. Of course I wasn't expecting you to use M1KE HUNT in the piece itself; I recommended him because I enjoy his stories and thought his writing might perk up the production. Perk Up? Brother! It's a winner. Maybe he'll even write a story about it and help us promote the darn thing. s/ John -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to: mrm1ke@aol.com from: tylerj@cpb.org Please add me to your mailing list for stories. I certify that I am over 18. Hell, I'm old enough to remember when Public TV was called Educational TV. Hope that does it. Thanks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear M1KE: As your attorney I must say I'm disappointed in the documentary I just saw on Public TV. You had a major role in the production, but you barely got a credit. I would suggest you write to the appropriate parties and see if they would consider adding your usual boilerplate to the credits for any future rebroadcast. Sincerely, s/ Wilford Hannings, Esq. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Wilford Hannings, Esq. Dear Wil: I've taken your advice and sent a letter to Harry Throckmorton. I wouldn't hold out too much hope, as they told me once a show is in the can, it's done. They probably won't make any changes unless somebody threatens a lawsuit or something, and I don't want to do that. Still, it couldn't hurt to try, so here is what I sent them: "M1KE HUNT's stories are available by e-mail. Send a note to M1ke@hilarious.com and certify that you're over 18. There is an alternate address you can use for correspondence: Bannerboy1@aol.com. There's really no reason for it, but it sure did come in handy for a few people when AOL crapped on him for using the name M1KE HUNT and took it away and made him change it to mrm1ke, so maybe it wasn't so dumb after all. "M1KE HUNT's stories are copyright 1997 by M1KE HUNT. Archiving is permitted on free sites or anywhere somebody doesn't have to pay to get them. This is a public service, and no other rights should be inferred from this notice. All other rights reversed. "M1KE HUNT's stories are available at his website: http://baird.pair.com/mrm1ke.htm. There are lots of other good reasons to visit besides just M1KE's stories, but this is running past you so quickly during the closing credits, and you're probably changing the channel over to Monday Night Football or you're so hot from the preceding show that you're sitting there on the couch jerking off, so I'm sure you couldn't care less." "M1KE HUNT's stories are Almost All True. However sometimes people get upset and claim that they're in the stories and they should be paid. That's bullshit, and if you're thinking of doing something like that, please be advised that the story in which you think you appear is completely fictionalized, except for the parts that aren't. Anyway if you make a claim like that you'll deal with my attorney, and he's a real prick so don't try it. "M1KE HUNT wants to apologize to Malinov for copping his idea on how to write something that's almost all present tense. Even if it isn't almost all true. I hope Malinov doesn't have an attorney. "M1KE HUNT thinks the name they chose for this show is really lame: 'Pyramids In Pants.' Now that's weak. I think 'I Am M1ke's Dick' would have been much catchier. "M1KE HUNT wishes to thank you for reading this, and will stop now, because he can't think of another way to start a sentence with his name and get some free publicity on TV." That's about it, Wil. Don't know if they'll use it; I should have talked to you before the damn thing was finished. It's good for me to have a lawyer's advice. I've always found attorneys have some of the best ideas, and that they're useful and helpful in my business dealings. Sure. M1KE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear M1KE: You moron. It's "All Rights Reserved" although in your case "All Rights Reversed" might make more sense. And what do you mean "Sure."? s/ Wil