josh grew up in kansas. josh grew up gay in kansas and that meant that he grew up in his kansas, a kansas that he was different from the kansas seen by the people around him. as he grew up, he realized in what way his kansas was different. the people around him—he was sure—did not see the world and its inhabitants as he did. he believed they saw the guy who worked at the gas station as a regular joe doing his job. josh looked at him and only saw a man whose being was all about sex. every movement the man made, each word he spoke or glance he gave was connected—somehow—to sex. josh did not know how this was possible—or why the world was made that way—but he knew it was true for him as surely as he know that the earth revolved around the sun. josh would watch the guy at the gas station and wonder what it would be like to have sex with him. he was aware that he could not tell anyone this, but he found that he could not help but think it, none the less. he had the same thoughts about the guys at the feed store, the truck drivers who stopped at the pancake house, the men who worked on the farms in the area, and the factory workers driving home in their cars. in josh’s eyes, kansas was a world of men and the impossible possibility of sex with them. there was enough talk around for josh to know that these men had active sexual lives. sometimes it was their chief topic of conversation. he admired—and envied—their ease in being sexual. when he was around them, he thought that he could actually feel their sexuality as a force that came from them in waves. the force was strong and seductive. the men mesmerized him, and he felt himself under the spell of their unintended charms. when he was a teenager, he would lay in bed at night and jerk off thinking about them. thinking about a truckdriver he had seen that day. or how bill bryant had been working in his yard with his shirt off and his hairy muscular chest on display. josh would lay in bed and think of these men—and other men—while he spit into his hand and jerk on his cock until he came. then he would lick his cum off his hand and swallow it to hide the evidence. thinking about boys his own age at the high school could occasionally get him off, but not so much as thinking about the older men. the boys of his own age didn’t have their sexuality fully developed yet. he knew that many of them were getting laid, but it didn’t seem to have seasoned them. when they stood in the showers after gym and shook their dicks in their hands and said how they were really going to give it to someone that night, he looked at their cocks and felt some minor interest, but they didn’t arouse him all that much. they seemed too babyish, no matter how big their dicks were or how much hair had started to grow around their cocks and balls. once in a while he could think of some guy’s dick from his high school class and get off, but it was only if the guy didn’t really seem like a high school student at all. greg duvall had only been a year older than the other guys in josh’s class, (he had been left behind one year because of a long bout with chicken pox), but had seemed older because of his tired and cynical face still scarred from the illness. more than once josh had thought of him. greg had a long and lean body—muscular and taut from working on his father’s farm—and a long thick red cock that seemed to belong to someone else, someone much older. josh would lay in bed at night—sometimes—and wonder what greg’s cock would look like when it got hard. when it was soft, it hung loose and long. josh would lay in bed picturing what a hardon like that might look like. he thought it would probably be about a foot long, thick and red like an arm stripped of its skin. like a horse. josh thought about that long thick red dick sticking out in the air, sticking out from the dark thick hair of greg’s crotch and he wondered what would happen if he found greg somewhere—somewhere far away from everybody else—and went down on his knees and started to suck on that cock. josh thought about it and jerked on his own cock until he came. and then he swallowed his cum. something like that wasn’t going to happen, he knew. but it was something to think about. like thinking about the men. and so he grew up—in kansas—thinking about the older guys. guys in their twenties and thirties who had started to get that look about them. the look that said that they were men now. he watched them, in their baseball caps and their white tshirts and jeans and their workboots and wondered what they knew that he didn’t. and he wondered when—if ever—he was going to find it out. — he left kansas when he was eighteen and went to the university of nebraska for a year, but then he had to quit once the money ran out. there had been hopes that somehow he might have gotten some kind of scholarship, but he didn’t, and they did not make enough money on their small farm to be able to keep him there. josh felt bad about this, but it had been a long shot anyway. his father—his birth father—had divorced his mother when josh was six and had moved to texas to marry some other woman. his mother had remarried, but she and his stepfather could not make the money needed for josh and his two stepsisters to all get college educations. so josh had only been able to go for one year. he moved to colorado, where an uncle of his owned a construction company. although he wasn’t really skilled at doing anything along those lines, he could paint, haul lumber, and do the menial jobs the others didn’t want. the work was sometimes hard for him, but he had no other plans, and working kept his mind off his failure at school. the crew—usually about ten guys—sometimes teased him since he was the baby of the bunch, but mostly it wasn’t too bad. for a while he lived with his uncle, but then that got to be a little confining. his uncle had three children, all younger than josh. he started looking for his own place to live. after a while—after he had some money saved up—he found a small house a little ways out of town. it wasn’t much, just a couple of rooms, but it had a small piece of land attached. josh felt that he should be out in the country again. he got a dog and a couple of ducks and thought that he might as well try to live a normal life for a while. after he got off work each day he went home, fed the dog and the ducks, ate his dinner, and watched tv. when he went to bed, he would lie awake wondering what was going to happen to him. he thought that once he got away from kansas—and the men he had grown up around—he would not jerk off so much. but he found that when he got to colorado, he would still end up lying in bed at night thinking of the men he saw there on the streets and in the town. he thought about the guy with the crewcut and the blue eyes who worked in the hardware store. he thought about the guy he saw one day standing by the side of the road while working on an asphalt crew. he realized then that—wherever he went—the men would be there. there were men on his uncle’s workcrew, but most of them weren’t much to think about. they were middle-aged or paunchy like his uncle. there were a couple of guys his own age, but he didn’t really have much interest in them. they were the same as the boys had been in high school. a couple of the older guys were goodlooking enough. kevin used to be a football player and had maintained some of his blond good looks, although his beer belly was growing. darryl and harry were brothers who played in a local country band and had a certain kind of happy-go-lucky way about them. but none of them had that special something that held josh’s attention. except for doug. doug lefleur. doug was from louisiana. he had a mixture of french and indian blood that made him darkeyed and darkhaired, with a perpetual five-oclock-shadow across his chin. he was intense and cool at the same time, keeping his own to himself. while the others sat around in the bar after work harassing the waitresses and making loud, doug placidly observed them through the smoke of his everpresent marlboros, drew on his beer, and smiled dismissively whenever they tried to include him in their hijinks. he didn’t seem to want to be bothered, although he was willing to tolerate the others for his own amusement. he didn’t say much. and when he did speak—in a deep and soft southern baritone—josh was so enthralled by the sound of his voice that he scarcely heard the words that doug was saying. josh watched him, and wondered what doug was really like. he volunteered nothing up about himself, and josh didn’t feel he could ask the others somehow, he and doug formed a kind of bond. they were the quiet ones, the ones sitting side by side in the booth while all the others were carrying on. sometimes doug would look at him, grin slightly, and shake his head as if to say “who are these bozos?” josh would sit quietly and hold his breath and say nothing. he didn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing and being included in the category of ‘bozo’. he would sit there in the booth and drink his beer, intensely aware of doug’s denim-covered leg next to his. he felt small beside doug. doug was a barely larger, in height and weight, but josh felt smaller because doug had presence. as josh saw it, doug had attained real manhood. doug was older than him, but it was as if he knew more than a difference in age could account for. he had wrinkles sunburned around his eyes, and sometimes showed a weariness that could only be from too much experience for someone of his age. he was thirtyone. josh would lay in bed at night and think about doug. when josh would lay in his bed at night and think about doug, he didn’t jerk off very often. that only happened on days when something particular had happened. like the day when he had seen doug in a black tanktop. that would not normally have been his work outfit. he usually wore a blue workshirt, but—one day—he had taken that off in the late afternoon. josh watched as doug hammered some siding into place. he saw the ridges and pebbles of doug’s muscles across his back. he saw the way doug’s chest stretched against the fabric of the tanktop as he hammered. he looked at the dark curly hairs growing wet on doug’s chest as the sweat collected there. when josh got home that night, after he had fed the dog and the ducks and ate dinner and watched tv, he lay in bed and thought about the way the tanktop had pulled itself out of doug’s pants as he stretched to reach some higher hammering. he though about how he had seen the bottom of doug’s stomach and the top of his belly. he thought about the line of dark hairs that reached down into doug’s pants. when he thought about putting his tongue on that part of doug’s body, he came. but sometimes he didn’t jerk off when he thought about doug. sometimes he just thought about him. his face, his manner, his smile, the way he carried himself. and his deep and sexy voice. he imagined conversations he might have with doug. conversations where doug and he would talk about all kinds of stuff. about work and life. and getting on. about moving away. conversations where doug would open up to him and where he could open up to doug and tell him the things he had been thinking about for all those years. he began to get very nervous around doug. he didn’t want to betray himself. he didn’t want doug to see how he was being affected. but if there was a way in which josh tried to hide himself, there was also a way in which doug could see, no matter how much josh thought he was hiding it. josh found doug watching him. one time, when they were working together on a house—away from everyone else—josh was trying to get a two-by-four pushed in to brace a wall. doug came over and stood next to him. he put his hands next to josh’s on the board to help him. their bodies were so close. josh could smell the cigarette smoke on doug’s breath. when doug turned to say something to him, their faces was only two or three inches away apart. before he could stop himself, josh jumped back. doug looked surprised for a second, then he smiled. “what’s the matter, boy?” josh stammered “nothing,” knowing he was turning red. doug reached over and took josh by the arm and said “come back here.” he guided josh’s hands to the board and said “just push right there.” josh did what he said, and the board went into place. josh tried to act like nothing had happened, but he could tell that doug was watching him. watching and thinking. after that, josh was even more nervous around doug, but doug was still smiling, as if he was amused by josh’s skittishness. and although it might not seem as if doug was treating him any differently in front of the others, josh could tell that he was being treated differently. when they were sitting in the booth, doug’s leg seemed—somehow—to be touching josh’s leg more often. when he was smoking a cigarette, he let his hand rest on the tabletop next to the hand with which josh tightly clutched his beer. doug would let his arm lay along the back of the booth—not touching the back of josh’s neck—but back there, somewhere. josh would go home at night and cry, he was so tense. — it got to be the end of may. the crew had to work on a saturday to get caught up. josh drove to the site but when it was time to go his car didn’t start. all the guys looked at it, and had their various opinions, but it was generally agreed that nothing could be done that afternoon. doug said he would give him a ride home. when they got in doug’s truck, josh’s mind went blank. doug was so close. although doug was his usual self, smiling and smoking cigarettes and maintaining his own peace, josh found he could only sit and stare straight ahead through the windshield. when they got to josh’s place, doug began. “aren’t you goin’ to ask me in? josh felt the panic finally grab his brain, but he managed to speak. “yeah, sure.” when they got inside, doug glanced around approvingly. “this reminds me of my first place.” the dog came in. “hey, fella. what’s your name?” doug whispered, crouching down to rub the dog’s head. “tobias,” josh said. “hey, tobias. how ya doin’?” doug looked up and smiled at josh. “you got any beer?” josh got two beers out of the refrigerator. they sat at the kitchen table and drank. josh found himself looking all around, avoiding doug’s eyes. words were said, but josh couldn’t have told you what they were. after a while a silence fell. they sat there a few minutes like that, until doug pulled out his marlboros and a pack of matches. “you got a nice place here.” “thanks,” josh said. “i remember when i used to live off by myself. i liked it, mostly. but it could get to be awful lonesome sometimes.” “it’s alright,” josh murmured. doug lit his cigarette and shook the match out. he tossed it into the ashtray and squinted at josh through the first cloud of smoke. “don’t you wish you had someone out here sometimes, someone to pass the time with?” “it’s alright,” josh repeated. doug’s eyes narrowed. “you know, boy, you’re goin’ to have to learn to be more assertive than that. you’re not goin’ to get anywhere in this world if you don’t.” josh said nothing. doug continued. “i may not know much, but i know that when i make up my mind about something, i know to do something about it. if there’s somewhere i want to go, i go there. if there’s something i want to say, i say it, and damn whoever’s listening. if there’s something i want, i go for it.” an edge had crept into his voice. josh looked up. there was something in doug’s eyes, in doug’s face, that he had never seen before. it scared him a little. it was as if doug had become someone different all of a sudden. it was all josh could do to drink his beer without shaking. maybe he was shaking, just a little. and doug was smiling again. but josh was not calmed. it was a different smile. they sat there drinking their beers as the sun went down. the cigarette smoke hung in the light coming through the window. doug didn’t say anything more. he just drank his beer and watched josh. josh didn’t know what to do. he was paralyzed. he stared at doug’s boots, planted square on the kitchen floor. then he heard doug ask, quietly, “do you know what you want?” josh didn’t answer. doug said, “look at me.” josh raised his head. doug looked at him and said, “do you know what you want?” josh whispered, “no.” doug kept at him. “do you know what you want?” josh said “no.” doug considered him. he took a drag off his cigarette as he leaned back in his chair. “i think i know what you want,” he said. josh waited. doug was surrounded by a haze of blue cigarette smoke. it was beginning to burn josh’s eyes. “you think i don’t know?” doug whispered. josh couldn’t move. he was hypnotized. “i asked you a question, boy. don’t you think i know what you been wantin’?” josh sat there, unable to speak. doug said it. “you want me to take you into that bedroom there?” josh looked at doug. at his dark hair and dark eyes. at his smile. doug’s voice pressed onto him. “answer me, boy.” josh heard himself say, “yes.” doug’s smile twisted slightly as he put out his cigarette. “well then, let’s go.” josh found himself getting up and walking into the next room. doug followed him. — once inside, josh froze. he stood there—facing the bed—unable to look doug straight in the face. doug walked around and stood in front of him. “look at me,” he said. josh looked up. doug unbuttoned josh’s shirt. josh stood there and let doug undress him. when doug took josh’s shoes off, josh had to put his hand on doug’s shoulder to steady himself. he felt the solidity of the muscle underneath the cloth. when doug was done undressing josh, he took his own clothes off. when he pulled his tshirt over his head, josh’s glance dropped down to doug’s chest. it was wide and tanned and muscular. doug shook his hair loose after pulling his shirt off. he sat down on the chair by the bed and took off his shoes. when he stood up again and unzipped his pants and pulled them off in front of josh, josh couldn’t resist looking down. he saw doug’s cock, thick and soft in its nest of black hair. doug dropped his pants and stood naked before josh. he said “let’s lay down.” when they were on the bed, josh lay on his back as doug moved down beside him. doug put his hand on josh’s chest and started rubbing it in slow circular motions. josh looked over at him. doug was smiling. josh lost his breath as doug moved in closer. he leaned forward and kissed josh. he felt doug’s tongue lick his lips. he could taste the beer and cigarettes. he kissed back and then doug reached over, put his hand behind josh’s head, and pressed josh’s mouth deeply against his own. as they kissed, josh put his hand on doug’s chest. it was harder than he had imagined it could be. he ran his fingers through the hair. doug responded by pushing his tongue even deeper into josh’s mouth. they hadn’t kissed for long when doug moved the hand that had been holding josh’s head. he took one of josh’s nipples between his fingers. he held it and squeezed. he squeezed tighter and tighter until josh had to break away from their kiss with a cry of pain. doug looked at him calmly. he dropped his mouth down to josh’s nipple and took it in his mouth. his tongue worked over and around it. josh lay back. doug’s hand moved down now to josh’s cock. josh was kind of embarrassed that he was still soft. but once doug started holding it, pulling it and stretching it, he got harder. doug said, “look.” josh looked down. doug’s cock already lay hard up by his belly. it was so much larger than josh’s. doug took josh’s hand and put it on his cock. “do you like that?” he asked. “what?” josh replied. “do you like having my cock in your hand?” “yes,” josh whispered. “do you like having my big hard cock in your hand?” “yes,” josh whispered. doug paused. “i’d bet you’d like to suck my cock.” josh looked up into doug’s face. doug looked back at him. “i bet you’d love to suck my big hard cock, wouldn’t you.” josh couldn’t speak. doug lifted himself slightly on the bed. he reached his hand out, put it on the back of josh’s head, and pushed him down toward his cock. josh took it in his mouth. it tasted like meat and sweat. he felt it in his mouth, he felt the hardness. it was large enough to fill up his mouth. there was a big ridge underneath the head. he felt doug’s hand pushing his down. “suck it,” doug said. josh started to suck doug’s cock. he felt doug shift position beneath him on the bed. he felt him lay back more, and push his cock up into josh’s mouth. “yeah,” doug said. “suck my cock.” josh sucked. he held it with his hand and sucked as best he could. he didn’t know what to do with it at first, but he kept going. he felt doug’s hand drifting up and down his back. there was a curious taste in his mouth when something began to come out of the end of doug’s dick. then he realized that it was something like cum. but it didn’t taste like his own. it was thicker and more bitter. doug began to move his hips up and down. he started to hold josh’s head and fuck his face. josh had a hard time to keep from gagging. it was all going too fast. he choked a couple of times, but doug didn’t ease up. he kept trying to stick his cock up into josh’s head. he became more insistent. he kept going “yeah” and “suck that cock.” josh kept trying. after a while doug pulled him off and pushed josh back down on the bed. he got over him, straddling his waist. as he held josh down, doug’s cock stood out thick and hard and red and wet from his body. “you know what i want?” he said. josh said, “what.” doug said, “i want to fuck your pretty ass.” josh didn’t say anything. doug put his hand on his own dick and slowly started to jerk on it. he looked at josh. “don’t you want my cock up your ass?” josh didn’t say anything. doug started jerking his cock a little faster. “yeah, you do. you want my cock up your ass.” josh looked up at him. doug looked so different now. he said, “you want my big cock up your ass. you know you do. you want me to fuck you with my big cock.” josh looked at him. “yeah, you know you want it. you know you want to get fucked up the ass with a big cock.” josh didn’t know what to do. doug looked at him, calmly and determinedly, while he stroked his dick. “lift up your legs,” he ordered. josh did what he was told. doug positioned himself. he let go of his dick long enough to lift josh’s butt higher into the air. he let josh rest against his thighs as he spit on his dick and massaged it some more. then he looked down and put the head of it against josh’s ass. you could see the concentration on his face as he tried to get the head right up against josh’s asshole. he pushed but it wasn’t going in. he looked down at josh and said, “loosen up a little bit.” josh didn’t know how he was supposed to do that. doug put his finger in his mouth and then put the finger up against josh. he shoved it in. it didn’t hurt as much as josh thought it might have, but he couldn’t stop himself from arching his back and whimpering. “don’t,” doug said. “you know you want it.” he worked his finger into josh’s ass. he turned and twisted it while josh turned and twisted beneath him on the bed. then he pulled it out and put his cockhead against josh’s ass again. and pushed. josh cried out—once—but then he kept his mouth clamped shut while doug worked the cock into him. he didn’t want doug to think he couldn’t take it. it got harder not to cry out when doug reached up, grabbed josh’s calves, and started to fuck him more intently, but josh didn’t know what to do. he had to let doug fuck him. doug’s strokes got deeper each time. as doug fucked him, his body started to get a rhythm. his hips went forward as his pushed his cock into josh, and his shoulders would go back. he held josh’s legs high in the air and rode him. he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. as he kept going, he closed his eyes and bucked away. josh’s ass began to burn. the inside of his thighs hurt where doug was pushing his legs far apart. doug let go of josh’s legs and moved himself more directly over his body. he reached over josh’s head and held onto the top of the bed. above josh now, he shoved his cock down into him. josh looked up to see doug’s chest. he watched the muscles strain as doug fucked him. he looked down to where doug’s stomach muscles flexed with each thrust. he looked further down and could see—when doug pulled out—the base of the wide hard shaft that was going up his ass. when doug shoved forward he felt the long dick going up into him. it filled him up. and every time doug fucked him, he could feel doug’s balls banging up against his ass. doug opened his eyes and looked down. “do you like that?” he said. “what,” josh managed to say. “you like my cock fucking you?” i don’t know, josh thought. “you like my big cock fucking you, don’t you?” josh didn’t say anything. “yeah, you like it. you like that big cock up your ass. you like getting fucked up the ass, don’t you. yeah, you like getting fucked up the ass with a big cock. say ‘yes’.” josh said “yes.” doug sped up his fucking. “yeah, i know you do. i know you like getting your pretty ass fucked with a big cock. you like it when i shove my big cock up your ass, don’t you. yeah, say you like it.” “i like it.” “what do you like?” silence. “say it.” “i like getting fucked with your big cock.” “yeah, say it.” “i like getting fucked with your big cock.” “yeah, you like it. and i’m gonna fuck you good. i’m gonna fuck your ass good with my big cock.” and he pounded away at josh’s ass. sometimes he would slow up and say “goddamn.” then he would build up speed again until the headboard of the bed was banging against the wall. josh stopped feeling anything down there after a while. he concentrated on watching the tanned chest and hard body above him. finally doug shouted “fuck!” as he slammed it in hard four or five times and came up josh’s ass. when he was done, he fell down beside josh on the bed and went to sleep. josh lay there not knowing what to do. his back hurt, but his ass was numb. his mind was numb, too. after about two hours, with doug snoring away, he fell asleep. he woke up when the first light came through the window. doug wasn’t there. — after that, doug showed up at about nine oclock every saturday night. josh would hear a knock on the door and there would be doug, saying “aren’t you goin’ to invite me in?” josh always said yes. doug would say “don’t you have any beer?” and then josh would get two beers and they would drink them without saying anything and then doug would say “do you know what you want?” and josh would say “yes” and they would go to the bedroom. where doug would fuck him. nothing ever changed there. doug made the first moves to get them undressed. then they would get in the bed and—after making josh suck him—he fucked him. he would always ask josh if he wanted to get fucked by a big cock and josh would say “yes.” and he would always make josh say “i like getting fucked by your big cock.” sometimes he took josh on his back with his legs in the air. sometimes he made josh get on his hands and knees and take it from behind. or he stood by the side of the bed and make josh stick his ass up in the air to get fucked. it always ended the same way. with doug shooting his cum up josh’s ass. then doug would fall asleep. josh didn’t come when doug was there. it didn’t happen. and after that first time, doug didn’t kiss him or do anything with josh’s body. doug never did anything with josh’s cock and josh was afraid to do anything with himself in front of doug. they got in bed and doug fucked him and that was it. sometimes josh stayed awake for a while. he would watch doug while he lay there heavily snoring. he would see the dark tan of doug’s arms and chest and then the sudden border at doug’s waist, below which lay the whiteness of his belly, butt, and legs. he would look down at his own body, soft and smooth, and compare it with doug’s hair and muscles. doug had a scar down his right side. josh wondered how it had happened. he would look at the wrinkles on doug’s face. he would look at doug’s cock. even when it was soft, it would hang thick and large. josh would look at the way the pale foreskin halfway covered the dark pink head. and the way the shaft was lined and veined. he would wonder at the thick dark curls around the base of the cock, and the size of doug’s balls. he would remember what all that looked like when doug’s cock was hard. and splitting his ass. josh realized that—all those years—he had been right about the men. but—as josh lay there—he found he didn’t have those fantasies anymore about him and doug lying in bed and talking. josh knew it wasn’t going to happen. it would have been nice if it had, but somehow josh knew he wasn’t going to rock the boat by trying. he wasn’t exactly afraid of doug, but he knew he was unable to do anything to risk losing whatever kept doug coming around in the first place. he found that—when doug wasn’t there—he had lost interest in thinking about other guys and jerking off. and then he found that he couldn’t think about doug and jerk himself off either. as if somehow he was supposed to only wait for doug. he couldn’t think of anything else besides saturday night and getting fucked. — at work, doug treated him as he had before that first night. as if nothing had ever happened. and in the bar, although they still sat next to each other in the booth, doug acted no differently for a while, but then he went back to the way he had acted when they first met. he didn’t put his leg next to josh’s. he didn’t put his hand nearby. he didn’t put his arm behind josh’s shoulder anymore. — the summer passed this way. — until one saturday in the middle of september. doug usually came by on saturday night at about the same time. but on that saturday, nine oclock came and doug didn’t show up. ten oclock and eleven oclock passed. josh got nervous. where was doug? he kept going to the window every ten minutes and looking out. he didn’t know what to think. he sat at the kitchen table and drank a beer by himself, staring at the empty chair where doug was supposed to be. then—not knowing what to do with himself—he went and laid down—fully dressed—on his bed. he was wide awake. when midnight and one oclock came around without doug appearing, he was in a state. he was tense. he found himself unzipping his jeans and pulling his cock out. as he lay there he started to play with himself. he was surprised at how hard he got, and how fast. he lay there jerking on his dick and thinking about doug. he thought about doug’s body. he thought about the way doug talked to him. he thought about the things that doug made him do. he thought about the things doug made him say. he thought about doug fucking him and he came. it shot up all over his shirt. he got up and took off his clothes. when he got under the covers, he fell asleep right away. he awoke—probably not much later—to find doug standing beside the bed. he had apparently been out drinking. without saying anything, he took out his cock. he pulled josh’s head over to it. it took him a little longer than usual to get hard, but he did. he stood there by the side of the bed with all his clothes on and his dick sticking out into josh’s mouth. he said “suck it.” as he wavered by the side of the bed, josh sucked him. after a while, doug pushed josh away and lay down on the bed. within seconds he was giving off the heavy breathing that meant he was asleep. josh looked at him lying there. doug’s cock was still out of his pants. josh got off the bed and moved around to doug’s side. he took doug’s cock back into his mouth and started sucking it again. doug was either passed out or asleep, but either way he didn’t respond. josh kept sucking doug’s cock and it got a little harder, but not as hard as it could get. while he sucked doug, josh started to masturbate himself again. he thought of himself there—as he was—sucking doug’s big soft cock. he jerked on his dick and it got hard again. he sucked on doug’s cock while he beat his own meat until he came again, onto the floor by the side of the bed. — the next morning josh was already lying there awake when doug came to. doug was dazed at first. he looked down in confusion at his own cock still outside his jeans. he swung himself over to the side of the bed and sat there, collecting himself. he stood up and—with his back to josh—put his dick back into his pants. he half turned and—without looking at josh—said, “you know, you make me sick.” and he left. — on monday, josh went to work as usual. something minor happened and doug tried to punch him. the others didn’t know what was going on. doug got fired on the spot. after he left the site that day, nobody saw him around town anymore. speculation was that he had gone back to louisiana. josh didn’t stay around much longer himself. when the construction slowed up in the depths of winter he went back to kansas for a little while. when the next spring came he moved south to houston. now—there—he goes out looking for guys—guys who are older than him and a little bit bigger than him, guys who look like they’re been around—to fuck him in the ass. he’s set for life. it’s a man’s world.
