kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . josh heard the cricket chirping. it pulsed above the other noises. the steady low rush of the water. the occasional whisper of wind through the trees above him. josh couldn’t sleep. at first he blamed it on setting up his tent hurriedly. he should have searched out a different campsite. the ground was hard here. then he blamed it on the three cups of coffee he had drunk that afternoon in the diner. he had sat there and had stared out of the plate-glass windows into the parking lot, nervously drinking cup after cup. now he blamed the cricket. kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . he turned onto his side. maybe it was the ground after all. the earth was ungiving underneath his body. as he shifted his pillow, he thought about the effort required tomorrow to get up, strike the tent, look for another place, and set it up again. further up into the woods. set it up again. he remembered that taking last weekend off hadn’t been his idea in the first place, anyway. they made him do it. they had insisted—he had worked all the saturdays throughout the summer and had the time coming to him. he had decided to go camping, like now. only last weekend he hadn’t made it here. he turned onto his back, clutching his blanket to his chest. josh found that—as he lay there—his eyes were open and staring out. into the darkness. kree . . . last friday had started out well enough. he had packed the gear into his car the evening before and gotten a good night’s sleep. he woke up at six, like he usually did. all it took was a quick shower and he was on the road a half-hour later. going north, he was able to get out of the city before most of the rush-hour traffic appeared. he kept driving, not thinking much about anything, until he felt the hunger beginning to gnaw in his stomach. he started to look for a diner that had a lot of trucks outside of it. that was the way you knew where the good food was. Although, he had other reasons for liking diners like that. around eleven he pulled over to one that seemed to be popular. the pickups and semis were constantly pulling in and out of the lot. josh had grown familiar with places like these over the years since he had left kansas. those had been the years of his early twenties. it had been easy to find what he needed every weekend. going down to the park. driving out of houston to the places like this. and the rest-stops. but time passed and things changed. he started to worry about what he was having done to him. every weekend. he began to have headaches all the time. he couldn’t sleep. so he packed up and moved out to austin. he heard it was quieter there. maybe he would be safer. away from the big city. it was o.k. he liked all the trees and the hills of the area. but then he found that one city is pretty much like another after a while. he took to driving out of town on the weekends. to places like this. truckstops with diners. and trucks and truckers. but only to watch. he had stopped doing the other. this one was like all the rest on a late friday morning. there was the smell of frying bacon and the clang of metal and cups. and the constant voices of the men. last friday, he had taken his place at end of the counter. he would have preferred a booth, but being alone couldn’t justify it. still, after he had ordered his food, he was able to lean back against the wall, his head next to the telephone hanging there, and watch them. it was a pleasure he could indulge in for the most part and not worry about being caught. they were so intent on their conversations that they didn’t notice him watching them. he looked at their tanned faces. the worn flannel shirts stretched across their backs. the way the dark hair on the backs of their wrists appeared out of the cuffs. he listened to their talk, not comprehending the words, but listening to the rumble and low roar of it. the voices dropping low in secret conversation or breaking out loudly in excitement. he wasn’t sure whether he felt weak because he hadn’t eaten, or because the other hunger was back. the hunger that seemed older than the need for food. when his meal came, he turned regretfully around to the counter. he ate his lunch slowly. behind his back, the voices muttered and laughed. when he got back on the highway, he found himself driving more slowly than before. his mind was pre-occupied with thoughts that wouldn’t go away. it had been a while. he must have been slowing down, because the semi behind him blasted his horn and began to pass. josh put his hands on the wheel and tried to maintain an easy steady pace as the huge truck barreled around to his left. as it drew beside him, josh glanced up at the passenger’s side. a mustache and tanned face. mirrored sunglasses. the man grinned down at josh. the truck zoomed past, belching black smoke. the burning exhaust slipped in through the cracks and choked josh’s throat. his eyes teared and he had to pull off the road. by the time he got out of the car, the dirty grey smoke was melting off the next hill. he watched it shift and suddenly scurry off across the desert. it was hot as hell. — an hour down the road he saw the low prefab building next to a gas station. he pulled up and walked in. they wanted a dollar to browse. he took it out of his billfold and paid them without a thought. he heard himself asking for four dollars of quarters. there had only been three or four vehicles outside. as he wandered down the dark hall, he wondered who had driven them there. he had gotten to the end of the hall without seeing anyone. the door next to him was slightly ajar. he pushed it. the man there looked up. josh’s heart began to thump like a jackhammer. the man had his cock out and was stroking on it while he watched the t.v. the first thing josh noticed was the dark tangle of hair around the base of the long pale cock. and the fat balls hanging down. he froze and looked for a response from the man. a lazy gaze met him. the hand stopped moving up and down the cock and gripped the base of the shaft. it was held out to him. josh entered the booth and got down on his knees and the man stood up. as josh took the cock into his mouth, he realized it was thicker than he had thought. and longer. the foreskin was drawn back far below the head. as he started to suck on it, he raised his hand to hold it firmly. his fingers didn’t meet on the other side of the shaft. josh pushed the cock deeper into his mouth. the thick cock filled him. josh went down on it until it hit the back of his throat. he held it there and then began to suck deeply and hungrily. he heard himself making soft whimpering noises as he kept sucking and sucking. he pulled his mouth off and slid the foreskin back and forth across the head. josh sucked on the head for a while, then moved underneath to lick the bottom of the shaft. he rubbed the cock over his face as his tongue worked down to the man’s balls. he took them into his mouth one at a time and sucked them while they were in there. then he went back to the cock. it didn’t take ten minutes. the man came in his mouth. josh lifted his hand up to his lips and let the cum flow out. he wiped it on his jeans. the man buttoned up his pants and left him there. josh went back out to his car and drove away. — driving north again, he wondered at what he had done. he hadn’t been able to stop himself. the taste of the man’s cock was still in his mouth. — the scenery changed from green to brown to gray and white. the sky above was white too. it was so hot. by late afternoon, josh found that he couldn’t go any further. he was getting drowsy behind the wheel and couldn’t concentrate. maybe he just needed some coffee. he stopped at the first gas station he saw. carrying the hot bitter cup of coffee in his hand, josh went back to his car. and saw him. it was the man he had blown in the bookstore. he was coming out of the liquor store next to the gas station, carrying a six-pack. there were only the two of them outside, so when josh stopped in his tracks and stared at him from twenty feet away, he attracted the man’s attention. the man looked at him uncomprehendingly at first, but then it clicked. recognition slid across his eyes. then he got in his car and drove off. josh found himself suddenly wide awake. in the hot bright glare of daylight the man had appeared like a hallucination. josh could have told you every detail of his appearance. the work biker boots. the torn jeans. the dirty texas a&m t-shirt. the dark red cap. the long shaggy dirty blond hair, the sparse mustache and beard and the piercing blue eyes. he stood there leaning against his car. maybe the coffee was a mistake. he felt light-headed. he found himself staring into the cup. the dirty brown surface of the liquid vibrated from his shaking hand. five minutes more up the road, there was a motel. he couldn’t go any further. after signing in, it was a relief to get out of the heat. he didn’t care that the air-conditioning rattled, or that the coolness it provided smelled dirty, like the dust from outside was still in it. in his room, he crawled beneath the covers and fell asleep instantly. when he woke, it was about two hours later. the redness of the sunset leaked around the edges of the old flowered curtains that hung over the one window. there was a burning in his stomach from hunger, or the coffee. he lay there wondering if he could go outside. his body’s demand for food got the better of him. there was no one else in the small dining room. the chicken-fried steak was greasy and the green beans were overcooked and the mashed potatoes were out of a box. but he ate it all. he didn’t know what else to do but put bite after bite of food into his mouth until it was all gone. it was all he could do. on the way back to his room he had a momentary panic. he couldn’t remember which room it was. they all looked alike. he frantically searched his pockets for the key. when he finally found it, he stared at the number. sixteen. what did that mean? he was standing there, key in hand, when he saw the man again. he was coming out of another of the rooms. this time the man stopped. he watched josh suspiciously. his eyes became unfriendly. josh ducked his head and looked at his key again. sixteen. sixteen. he glanced at the door closest to him and saw that he was right there. he turned and fumbled the key into the lock. he hurried inside. he found himself barely able to breathe. he pulled back the edge of the curtain as little as he could and looked out. the man was slowly walking toward the old beat-up blue car. he was weaving slightly. josh watched as he climbed in and drove off. josh sat on the edge of his bed. his hands tightly gripped each other and he found he had to hold them between his knees to control the trembling. he leaned over them and rocked back and forth for a while. until he calmed down. he was bent over like that when he heard the car returning. jumping to the window, he peeked out again. the man got out of the car carrying another six-pack and a small brown bag. josh watched as he went back to the room three doors down. josh took off his shoes, then got underneath the covers without taking any of his clothes off. he was frightened. he knew the man wasn’t following him. but what if the man thought that he was the one being followed? what if he thought josh had tailed him to this motel? this was texas. anything could happen here. — the next time josh woke up, he didn’t know what time it was. but he thought he could hear thunder. then he realized that it wasn’t thunder. it was the sound of the side of someone’s fist steadily thudding at his door. he opened it. the man almost fell in. josh stepped back. the man looked around the room dully and then focused on josh. he turned unsteadily and shoved the door behind him shut with a bang. when he turned back to josh, he moved closer. josh took another step back, into the bed, and fell down onto the edge. the man looked at him and laughed. he moved closer. josh watched him undo the front of his pants and pull his cock out. this time it was soft. but not for long. the man took it in his hand and began to rub it. josh watched it thicken. the man took another step toward josh and shook the growing cock in his face. josh got down on his knees. again. the man’s cock tasted bitter this time. sweaty and acid. josh sucked on it and felt it grow hard and long in his mouth. he heard his own moan. the man heard him too and laughed. josh fed on the man’s cock. on the hard hard shaft that seemed made of rock and flesh. he gripped it around the base and tried to suck as far down as his hand, but he couldn’t quite make it. there was still cock left over. in his mouth, he could feel the man’s foreskin. he took his tongue and tried to slide it inside the skin. he found that he could, once he took his hand from around the base and used to hold the center of the man’s dick, pushing the foreskin toward the end. josh ran his tongue around the dick, licking the inside of the skin. he pushed it outward even more with his hand, so that it began to cover some of the head again. the flare of the cockhead was under his lips. the man spoke. “get off it, boy.” josh pulled his mouth away and looked up. the man was taking off his shirt. pale hairless skin appeared, and the roundness of a belly. he sat heavily down in the chair and took off his boots. josh noticed how dirty the man’s white socks were. the jeans were off. next, then the grey-stained underwear. the man lay down on the bed. his dick stuck up in the air, still hard, curving down and beckoning josh. “suck it,” the man ordered. josh didn’t know whether he should take off his own clothes or not. better not. he lay sideways across the bed and took the man’s cock into his mouth again. sucking on it this way was harder, because it was harder for him to lift and drop his head as far as he needed to. his head was going up and down a good five inches each time, in order to go from the head down as far as he could on the cockshaft. there was probably another four inches he couldn’t even get to with his mouth, unless he took the dick out of it and licked around the base. he did that some, too. his own cock was hard in his pants. it was bent to the side, at an uncomfortable angle, but he couldn’t do anything about it. then he found that by shifting his position on the bed, he could push his hardon down against the mattress. he began to press it down, and then from side to side, humping the bed. he did it as slowly as he could. he felt his cock get harder. he felt the man’s hand on his ass. he had seen what josh was doing. the man pressed down hard, pushing josh’s ass into the bed. josh began to move more. the man’s hand guided josh’s ass back and forth. it didn’t take long, what with the big cock in his mouth and the man’s strong hand, pushing and pushing. josh came in his pants. he felt the pulses of cum shoot out of his dick and wet the inside of his jeans. he gave a small cry. he couldn’t help it. “yeah, baby,” the man said. josh kept sucking. it took about three more minutes and the man came. josh’s mouth filled up with cum. it was sticky and watery and kept running out of the corners of his mouth. he held the dick in his mouth until he thought the man was through coming. it wasn’t until he pulled away and sat on the side of the bed, facing away from the man, that josh let it out of his mouth and into his hand. he cleaned it off on the front of his shirt. what was he supposed to do next? he heard a click and the room filled with a low blue light. josh turned. the man had turned on the tv with the remote control. he was watching the screen. it was the news. josh got up and went to the bathroom. he rinsed out his mouth with the small yellow bottle of mouthwash that was there. when he came back out, he saw that the man had propped a pillow behind his back and pulled the sheet up to his waist. but he was still just blankly watching the tv screen. josh lay down, fully dressed, next to him. after the news was over, the man watched a talk show. then a world war ii movie was on. josh fell asleep finally with the sound of gunfire and explosions. the man never said a word. — when josh woke the next morning, the tv was still on, but the man was asleep, heavily snoring. josh lay there looking at him, at his pale softness and the badly drawn tattoo on his upper arm. usmc. an hour later, the man stirred. then he woke up fully and saw josh. his eyes narrowed slightly as he remembered what had happened the night before. he got out of bed and went to the bathroom. josh listened to the long splashing as the man pissed. when he was done, he stood in the bathroom doorway and looked at josh. “you got any beer ‘round here?” “no,” josh said. the man’s hand dropped down to his crotch. he casually circled his penis with his hand. “sure would be nice to have some beer this morning.” josh looked at the man’s hand lightly fondling the dick. “i could go get some,” he said. the man’s hand fell away. “why don’t you go do that.” the man stood in the doorway until josh left the room. driving back down the road, the brightness of late morning glared into josh’s eyes. it was going to be another burning day. the heat was already rising from the asphalt as he made his way over to the liquor store. once he was there, he panicked. what kind of beer did the man want? he bought two six-packs of two different kinds. walking back into his room with the brown paper bag, josh found the man in bed, watching tv again. he was still naked, with the sheet just hiding his cock. “i didn’t know what you wanted,” josh said. “i got this.” the man didn’t break his gaze from the tv. “it don’t matter. beer’s beer. gimme one.” josh handed him a can and took the others to the small refrigerator that hummed in the corner. at the last second, he took one for himself. he never really drank at this time of the morning, but he wanted to fit in. he lay down on the bed next to the man. he was dressed and above the covers while the man was naked and under them. the motel had cable. the man clicked through channels slowly, watching a few minutes of anything that was on before he moved to the next channel. when he got to the wrestling show he stayed there until it was over. then the sports network. finally he hit the beginning of a college football game. that’s where he stayed. josh tried to pay attention, but he found his mind unable to focus. whenever the man finished a beer, he said “gimme another one.” josh would go and get another beer for him. josh didn’t have as many, but he wasn’t used to drinking like this. he found his mind getting hazy. the man became more lively as the beers kept coming and the game progressed. every now and then he would grunt or yell something at the screen. josh didn’t say anything. except for the orders to get another beer, the man kept his attention dead set on the tv. every now and then he would cup his crotch. josh looked at the rough hand lying on top of the bulge beneath the sheet. at the twitch of the fingers over the hidden cock. at halftime the man climbed slowly out of bed and went to the bathroom. the long noise of pissing again. josh waited for him to enter the room again so that he could see the long dick and the way it swung back and forth as the man walked back to the bed. he got back underneath the sheet and, finishing off his latest beer, crushed the can before tossing it off to the side. josh got up and brought him another beer with having to be told. the man took a deep drink and spoke. “sure would be nice to have some burgers right about now.” the heat outside was bad enough, but when josh was inside the restaurant, the smell of grease and cigarette smoke almost made him faint. he stood holding onto the counter with both hands while they made up his order. he shouldn’t be drinking like this. he wasn’t used to it. as he looked down, trying to keep from being dizzy, he saw the front of his shirt. he saw, then, the patches of flaking whiteness and the shine like the spoor of a snail. it was the man’s cum. josh thought he was going to pass out, as the heat of shame rushed into his head. everyone would see. everyone would know what it was. everyone would know what he was. he hunched his shoulders forward and together, as if that would hide the stain. he could not raise his head when they brought the food and he paid for it. the edge of a table banged into his leg as he nearly ran out of the restaurant. the artificial coolness of the room was a relief. he laid the burgers and fries out on the bed between him and the man. he could barely get the food down, but the man devoured both of his burgers and finished off everything josh couldn’t eat. as the game progressed, josh thought he was going to be sick. he tried having another beer, hoping that would put him to sleep, but it didn’t. the smell of grease was in the bed now. it was everywhere. the game wasn’t over yet, but the man’s hand had dropped down again. this time, he began to massage his cock as he stared blearily at the screen. it grew in his hand until it was fully erect. he pulled it out from underneath the covers and held it out. josh sucked it into his mouth again. the grease. the grease and the taste of sweat and piss. there was no escape. josh sucked on the cock in a delirium while the man watched the football game. he kept sucking and sucking. without a warning, the man shot his load. it was in josh’s mouth again. it was like a mouth full of salty bleach. josh knew he was going to throw up. in the bathroom, he lost it all. the beer, the hamburgers, the cum. when he stood up to wash his face, he looked at himself in the mirror. there were dark patches under his eyes and his face hung slack. he used what was left of the mouthwash, and went back into the other room. a newly-crushed can lay on the bed. josh picked it up, put it in the trashcan, and brought the man another one. — they fell asleep. when josh awoke, the man was getting dressed. josh lay and watched him. after he had pulled on his boots, the man came and stood by the side of the bed. he looked down at josh. “i’m gettin’ my stuff,” he said. “gimme some money. i gotta pay for my room.” the man loomed large above him. when josh didn’t respond immediately, a frown dug its way between the man’s eyes. he stood there waiting. josh lifted his hips off the bed and got his wallet out. he counted out forty dollars and handed it to the man. “i need more. that’s jus’ enough for one night. i need two.” josh gave him forty more. “and i need beer money.” josh gave him another twenty. the man stuffed the bills in his front pocket and left. after he was alone, josh cleaned up the room. he collected the beer cans and the leftovers and put them in the trash. he remade the bed, smoothing and straightening the sheet. he took a long time in the shower. he put on a clean shirt. he lay back down on the bed and waited for the man to return. — he came back an hour later, dropping a cardboard box full of dirty shirts and jeans in the corner of the room. on the next trip he banged open the door, his arms carrying a case of beer, which he carefully fit can by can in the small refrigerator. when he turned on the tv and popped the first can, josh fell asleep. a nudge in his side woke him. “i want some pizza.” josh stumbled out to his car in a daze. after driving north about ten minutes, he ran across a small strip mall in the middle of nowhere. after placing the order, he wandered back outside. the sun was going down and the lights around the stores were coming on. everything glowed as the streetlights, neon signs and sunset walked over each other. josh sat in the front seat of his car, his hands on the steering wheel, and watched them moving about inside the pizza place. although josh couldn’t hear them, they were laughing and excited. saturday night. his mind went blank for a while. he came back to himself with a start. looking up, he saw the guy in the pizza place motioning to him. when he opened his wallet, there was no money inside. “they got an atm over at the drugstore.” josh’s legs were weak as he scurried over to the next building. the card slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor. somehow he managed to push the buttons and get a hundred dollars. as he turned away from the machine, his eyes were caught by the fluorescent green glow of mouthwash. he picked a bottle up. and then, two feet away, he saw the boxes of condoms. red, blue, black. it was as if someone had burst into the drugstore with a gun and pointed it at his head. his arm buzzed with electricity as he reached out and took one of the boxes off the rack. he didn’t remember paying for them. or for the pizza. the next thing he knew he was sitting in the car, racing down the highway, his heart pounding. he was going to be late. the man opened the pizza box as soon as josh laid it on the bed. “what took you so long?” after taking his first bite, his face contracted in disgust. “it’s cold.” josh couldn’t respond. he hesitated for an instant, then went and got the man another beer. that seemed to help. the man kept eating. josh remembered. he went back out to the car. he shoved the small box into his pocket, and picked up the bottle of mouthwash. there wasn’t any way he could walk in without it being seen. the man glanced up as he returned. when he saw what josh was carrying, he laughed out loud before taking his attention back to the tv. in the bathroom, josh set the mouthwash on the sink. he pulled the black box out of his pocket. he looked at it for a second, then laid it on top of sink next to the mouthwash. — josh didn’t have any pizza. or beer. he didn’t want what had happened before to happen again. he lay on the bed while the man finished off the pizza and kept drinking the beers. there was something on tv, but josh couldn’t have told you what. he was thinking of something else, or of nothing else. just waiting. it got later. when the news came on, the man went to the bathroom. josh held his breath. after the toilet flushed, the man stood in the doorway. he had the box in his hand. “what’s this shit.” josh looked at him. the man shook his head, turned, and went back into the bathroom. when he came back out, he got another beer and went back to watching the news. josh lay there. they got through the news. and two comedy shows. every now and then the man would give a low chuckle. it wasn’t until they were into the late movie that his hand dropped down again. josh held his breath. first the hand just resting there. then the slow movement of squeezing. josh watched the hardon growing. finally the man let it out. it stuck out long. josh moved down immediately and started sucking. he must have taken a shower while josh was out. he couldn’t taste the grease. the man’s cock was sweet, with the warmth of meat just beginning to rise over the scent of the soap. josh hungrily ate it. he was relieved to have the man’s cock in his mouth again. he licked the thick pole. he rubbed the man’s heavy balls all over his face, then sucked each one in turn. they were so large. josh opened his eyes while he had one in his mouth and looked upwards. the man was watching him suck his balls. josh kept his eyes on the man’s face as he went back to sucking the cock. he wanted to show the man what a good cocksucker he was. he wanted to let him see that he was there to take care of whatever . . . whatever . . . was demanded of him. the man kept watching, expressionless, as josh wrapped his mouth around the thick hard pole. as josh moved his mouth down the cock. as josh tried to push it against the back of his mouth, until he felt his throat open up and the cock slide down inside him. josh heard a sound from the man as his dick went all the way down josh’s throat. josh buried his face in the man’s pubic hair and held it there, motionless, feeling the thick thick cock fill his mouth and the top of his throat. josh held his breath. he slowly pulled his mouth back off the man’s dick until only the head was between his lips. then he plunged down again, taking the entire cock. the man lifted his hips into josh’s mouth. he was trying to fuck josh’s throat. this made josh choke. as long as it was done slowly, he was alright. but the steady prodding in his mouth made him gag. when he couldn’t take it any more, he pulled his mouth off the cock and lay there gasping for air. the man got off the bed. josh watched him go into the bathroom. when he came back out, he had a rubber on. josh stared at the man’s hard cock sticking out into the air. at the shiny pale green plastic that covered the man’s dick, and the way the tip wrinkled and hung loose off the end. the man didn’t say anything. josh stood up. he took off his jeans and lay face down on the bed. the man climbed on top of him. josh spread his legs. he felt the prodding of the man’s dick around his asshole. it wasn’t going in. there wasn’t enough lube on the rubber. “shit,” the man said. he rolled off josh. josh lifted his head. the man was looking at him while he squeezed his dick. the rubber was still on. josh got on his hands and knees over the man’s torso and legs. he bobbed his head up and down, sucking the big cock. he wasn’t going to choke this time. the bitter taste of the rubber helped. it made his spit flow. soon the man’s dick and the rubber were covered. josh paced himself. he held off sometimes with just the head of the man’s cock in his mouth, until he had calmed down. then he went down again, feeling every inch as the thick dick moved over his tongue, to the back of his throat, and then down into him. he would hold his mouth down and savor the thickness of the big cock filling his mouth and throat. he would move just a little, just enough for the man to pump his throat for a minute, then he would back off, feeling the cock leave his throat, mouth, and lips. he held it around the shaft and licked the sides. he kept bringing more and more spit into his mouth, until the man’s cock was soaked. the man pushed him off. josh lay down again. this time it slipped right in. josh groaned as the cock slid up into his ass. the man kept pushing until he was all the way up josh. the man held it there. then he started fucking. short, easy strokes at first. he pushed josh’s shirt up and pressed his hands down on the small of josh’s back. he pulled josh’s hips down to meet his cock. the strokes got longer. they were still slow and steady, but he was pulling out further each time before he shoved it back in. josh lifted his ass to get more cock. the man lifted josh up to his knees. he started to rock josh’s hips back and forth as he fucked him. the pounding began. josh couldn’t help it. he made fretful crying sounds. the man’s big cock was opening up his ass with every thrust. when it was all the way in, there was a pain in his belly. josh tightened up his ass on the cock. the man paused for a second and groaned. then he pounded josh harder minute after minute. josh wanted to tell him to stop, because it felt as if his butt were about to explode, but he knew he didn’t want the man to stop. he wanted to be fucked hard. all too soon, the man rammed his cock up josh’s ass, held it there, and came. when he pulled his dick out, josh felt him fumbling for a second. after the man rolled off his back, josh got out of bed. he saw the rubber lying there on the carpet. he picked it up. in the bathroom, he sat on the toilet. he looked down at the soft pile of plastic in his hand. he could see the thick load of whiteness in the tip. he stared at it, then emptied it out into his hand. there was a lot of cum. the smell rose to his nose. he moved his hand closer and breathed it in. he wanted to put it into his mouth, but he couldn’t. he looked at it for a few seconds more, then lowered his hand and spread the man’s cum on his own dick. he trembled as the slimy wetness covered his hardon. he worked it all over. he jerked on his cock, looking at the man’s cum, until he came. when he was done, he saw that the man was there. in the doorway. he had seen what josh had done. josh froze. the man turned away. after josh washed off his hands and his dick, he went out to the bed. the man was under the covers, his back to josh’s side of the bed. — it was the middle of the night. josh didn’t know why he woke up. maybe it was the moment the man turned on the light in the bathroom. he rolled over to look. the man was standing beside the bed. “come here,” he said. josh followed him into the bathroom. the man closed the lid on the toilet and sat down. “suck it.” the man’s cock hung thick and soft. josh got down on his knees and started to suck. it got hard. in the bright glare of the bathroom light it looked ugly and strange. josh kept sucking. the man reached over and got one of the rubbers. josh heard him tearing open the packet with his teeth. he pushed josh’s head away. “put it on me,” he ordered. josh unrolled the rubber down the man’s dick. it seemed harder than usual. “suck it.” josh sucked. he was used to the taste now. the man watched him do it. “stand up. turn around.” josh leaned against the wall. the man put his cock up josh’s ass. this time the fucking was fast and intense. the man banged away furiously. suddenly he pulled his cock out of josh’s ass and pushed josh to his knees. he put his cock in josh’s mouth. he came. he held his rubber-covered cock in josh’s mouth. josh let it lie there. he didn’t know what the man wanted. the man took it out and sat back down on the toilet. “take it off.” josh took the rubber off the man’s dick. “i want to see that stuff on your face.” josh looked at him. “do it.” josh was shaking as he emptied the rubber into his hand. the load was cold now. he smeared it on his forehead. “all over.” josh spread it over his cheeks, his chin, his mouth, while the man watched. “jerk yourself off.” josh began to beat on his dick. “put that thing on.” josh slipped the used rubber over his cock. it was slick on the inside. josh jerked himself off with it. josh came in the rubber, with the man watching. he heard him say something. “you fuckin’ freak.” — when he was leaving the next morning, the man picked josh’s jeans off the floor. while josh watched, silently, he got out the billfold and took the rest of the money. driving back home, josh passed the bookstore. the man’s car was outside. — josh worked monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday. friday morning he didn’t feel so well. mid-morning, he told them he was sick. he didn’t go home. he got in his car and drove north. he had stopped at the diner—which was strangely empty—and watched the dust blow across the road. a couple of guys over in the corner whispered to themselves, sometimes glancing down to josh, as if he were listening. he drank his coffee. he heard them laugh when he left. — there were no cars in the parking lot at the bookstore. josh kept driving. — his tent had stayed in the backseat all week. when he got to the campground, he drove as far as he could into the hills. he set up the tent and crawled inside, even though it was still light. hours passed. it got colder. josh curled inside his sleeping bag, shivering. he heard the cricket. kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . freak. sick. josh sat bolt upright, his heart racing. the canvas of the tent hung like a black curtain between him and the night. . . . sick . . .
