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Spider's House

by Max sprouse


do you know how to get to spider’s house? xxxxxxxx i do. xxxxxxxx does that make me special? not really. a lot of guys know how to get there. but then a lot more guys have heard about it—and want to go, badly—and don’t know where it is. xxxxxxxx if you’re really pestering someone, they’ll eventually get tired of you and give you the directions. but they know that you’ll never find it on your own. you have to have someone take you there the first time. if they’re really devious—and maybe jerking your chain a little bit—they’ll even draw you a map. leave freehold on state highway 537 going south. go through barlow and puntyville and xavier. keep going south. after exit 442, drive exactly seven-and-a-half miles. there’s a dirt road on your left. drive out that road for another mile and you will see spider’s house. they know you won’t be able to find it. you’ll drive up and down the highway looking for that dirt road in vain. you’ll go back to exit 442, turn south again and watch your odometer as closely as you like. at exactly seven-and-a-half miles you’ll pull over to the side and look around. and not see a damn thing. not a road, not a light, no nothing. except maybe somebody like you who can’t find it either. xxxxxxxx what you two will do then is pretty predictable. you’ll both be so damn frustrated and horny that you’ll get in one of your cars. you’ll push your pants down and pull your dicks out and suck each other off, or jerk each other off, or fuck each other in the back seat. xxxxxxxx but every time some car goes past you on the highway, you’ll both stop what you’re doing for a second and look out. you’ll see headlights cutting down the night as they speed away. you’ll wonder if you should stop sucking and race after them. xxxxxxxx maybe they know where spider’s house is. maybe they’re on the way there right now. xxxxxxxx spider drives semis. xxxxxxxx he lives in new jersey, but drives all across the country. you go to denver, or pittsburgh, or flagstaff, and you’ll find somebody who knows spider. he has lots of friends. xxxxxxxx at first glance, you might see just this trucker. you might see the six-five and two-hundred-and-fifty, and the body that he has—large and muscular—and form ideas as to what you think he’s really like. you might expect him to be this mindless macho jerk. people do that—figure out your life—when they don’t know you. xxxxxxxx actually, he’s a real pussycat, especially in bed. i know that from personal experience. xxxxxxxx yeah. spider likes to suck cock. xxxxxxxx and spider is very protective of his own. xxxxxxxx which is why he made spider’s house. xxxxxxxx he didn’t build spider’s house. he found it. if you ask him the story, he’ll tell you. he’ll say he was slowly driving south on 537 one summer evening. he was dog-tired and over it all. the driving. the long hours. the loneliness. up ahead, he saw a dirt road that turned off the highway. thinking that he was just going to pull over and sleep for a while, he slowed down and eased the semi onto the unpaved brown track. he drove for a few minutes, having no idea where he was going, but figuring the road must lead to somewhere. it led to a rest-stop. later he found out that the rest-stop had been built where it was due to an engineer’s error. it was supposed to be right on the highway. but the stop had been completed long before the highway had made it that far, and when the highway was finally done, it missed the rest-stop by over a mile. now it was abandoned. as he drove up, spider saw white concrete on its way to gray. it was a fairly large building, easily sixty by a hundred feet. he parked and got out. xxxxxxxx the door was unlocked. his flashlight picked up the cold and silent details. a large room with sinks and mirrors. toilets and a long trough against the wall. a few showers in the back. it looked so empty and forgotten. spider will tell you. “i don’t know what happened. i broke down like a little baby.” xxxxxxxx he went back to the truck, got a few blankets, and bedded down for the night in the main room. xxxxxxxx when he woke the next morning, his surroundings didn’t look any prettier. but as he walked around, he saw that actually the building was in fairly good condition. unused, it had remained sealed against the outside. surprisingly, there had been no vandalism, no graffiti. it didn’t look like the local dopers had been near it. or the homeless. or anybody. spider stood in the middle of the floor and wondered at that. and that the door had been unlocked for him. he sat there and thought. it wasn’t until he had gotten back on the road, about an hour later, that the idea came to him. “jus’ like that,” he’ll say, snapping his fingers. xxxxxxxx the first time i went to spider’s house, i was taken by this guy i met in atlantic city. his name was sonny. we had met on the boardwalk, where he caught me giving him the eye. we spent a couple of hot nights together. then when i had gone back down to asheville, we kept in touch. one monday he called me and asked if i could come up for the weekend. he wouldn’t say much, except that if i liked a lot of dick, i should get my ass up there. that didn’t take much thought. when i got to his place that friday morning, i figured we were going to start in on each other. he made me hold off. “just a couple of hours,” he said. “i promise you, you’re going to get more cock tonight than you’ve seen in the last year.” now i get a lot, so that was saying something. xxxxxxxx later that afternoon, we got in his car and headed south. i kept asking him where we were going, but he wouldn’t say. xxxxxxxx when he turned off the highway, i began to get a little anxious. sonny had kept his mouth shut the whole time, no matter how i badgered him with questions. he had just kept grinning. a few minutes later we arrived at spider’s house. other cars, pickups, and semis were pulling up as we did. there were at least fifty or so. their headlights lit up the white concrete of the rest-stop. sonny said, “get ready.” “for what?” i asked. “the time of your life.” xxxxxxxx when we walked up to the door, that was the first time i saw spider. he stood outside, like he liked to do, to greet and check out the arrivals. sonny introduced me. spider gave me the once over. “nice,” he said. “you think he can handle it?” “oh, yeah,” sonny smiled. “he’ll be fine.” spider nodded. “go on in. the boys are waitin’.” sonny took my hand and led me into spider’s house. xxxxxxxx there was no way sonny could have prepared me for that. and in a way, i’m glad he didn’t. because i wouldn’t have believed him. spider had made a few changes. one was that he had installed some shelves along the right inside wall. this was where we left our clothes. because not ten feet right in front of us everyone else was naked. and going at it. there may have been fifty or so vehicles outside, but there were at least a hundred and fifty guys in the front room alone. i had been in some group scenes before, mainly at the baths. but this was way beyond that. guys were everywhere. sucking each other off. feeling each other up. holding onto each other’s cocks and pulling on them. nobody has to call me twice to dinner. i shucked off my clothes as quick as i could and got down on the nearest cock. xxxxxxxx he was a big guy, mid-thirties maybe. dark and hairy, the way i like them. maybe italian. that dick of his sure was nice though. it was already wet and shiny where someone—or a lot of someones by the looks of it—had had their mouth—mouths—on it. who cares. it was big and long and wet and it was in my mouth. i liked the hardness of it. and the thickness. while i was going at him, some other guy worked his way underneath me and started to suck me off. at first i thought it might be sonny but then there was sonny working with me on the cock i was sucking. o.k. we worked on his cock from both sides. sonny and i laid our tongues along the bottom of the guy’s cock and moved up and down it. we met sometimes at the head, where we switched off sucking the guy off. we kissed, the fat head of the guy’s meat playing about and in our mouths. and there was a guy down there sucking me and sonny off. or jerking on our cocks with his hands. i was getting ready to pop. maybe i was going at it too fast. maybe i hadn’t been laid in the last week. in either case i backed off real fast. i stood up. sonny looked up at me. “told you,” he grinned. xxxxxxxx i looked around to see who i wanted to do next. xxxxxxxx this guy was pretty young. maybe barely twentyone. he had a kind of babyface and was a little on the sturdy side. at first i just had to watch while this other guy did him. i played with the young guy’s tits. they were pink and soft and he was real sensitive. when i squeeze them the least little bit he whimpered like i was hurting him. his knees bent down a little like he might fall. in the middle of one of those bend-downs the guy on the floor pushed his way around and started to eat out the young guy’s ass. this other guy jumped in and started to suck the young guy off. he was maybe in his low fifties, with a greying crewcut. he looked like a drill sergeant. in any case, he really started to do the job on that hard pink dick. the cock wasn’t all that big or long, but looked real fresh. i got off on the way he was really going at it. i turned frontways a little bit and somebody started to suck me off too. me and the young guy stood there—i was still working on his tits—while both of us watched ourselves getting sucked on by the guys under us. xxxxxxxx i looked around. xxxxxxxx over in the corner i could see this guy going down on one man after another. he had four of them standing around him and he kept sucking them all in turn. he would suck on one guy for ten or fifteen seconds and then he would go on to the next one. he kept his hands busy too, jerking off on the hard cocks that were waiting for his mouth. and then there were the pairs doing their own. some guy standing there with his hands on his hips and a long hardon sticking out in the air and the other guy on his knees sucking for all he was worth. i started counting the men in the room. one, two, three, four. fivesixseveneightnineteneleven. keepfuckingcounting. xxxxxxxx well, fuck, you can imagine the sounds these guys were making. the sucking and the slurping and the moaning. but still, it was kind of strange. although sometimes you heard that “yeah, suck my dick” shit, it didn’t have the feel that you get from videos that they were playing up for the camera. or any other audience. or even for themselves. maybe i’m not explaining it too well to you. keep on reading. xxxxxxxx the young guy was apparently getting off on the man sucking him, because he pulled his cock out of the man’s mouth and shot right on him. the one on his knees took it well. he let it rain and then wiped it all over his face. in the way that these things happen, our little group broke up then, and everyone moved on. i went into the next room. xxxxxxxx there, where the showers and toilets were, it was pretty much the same thing, with some variation. the groups in the showers were all wet. guys were apparently going in there to wash the cum and sweat off their bodies before they went back to the action. sometimes they succeeded before somebody else got on their dick and sometimes they did not. i saw this one guy who looked like a highschool football player standing underneath the hot spray, water running all down his body, while another guy blew him. the guy getting blown kept his eyes closed and his hands running over his own chest. there were sinks in that part, too. some of the guys were leaning onto them and looking in the mirror while some other guy fucked them up the ass. they would keep looking in the mirror when the guy behind them changed and somebody else took their place to fuck them. and while some other guy took their place and fucked them. and while some other guy took their place and fucked them. i got the idea that i wanted to be one of the ones banging somebody’s ass for the twentieth time. there was one i liked. i stood in line and waited my turn like a good boy. i watched while three other guys took his ass. one of them had this huge fuckin’ cock, so i thought that maybe the guy getting fucked was going to be done after that. but although he groaned a little bit louder for that one and it took an little bit longer for that one to get off, i didn’t mind. the show was worth it. i stood there and stroked my dick. when it got to be my turn, i got one of the condoms that were everywhere and put it on. grease? who needed it. the guy was wide open already and lubed to go. i grabbed his hips from behind and did what i do best. i watched myself in the mirror as i fucked him. i watched his eyes open and close. i thought about coming up his ass, but i decided against it. you know how you always hold off, waiting for that next big thing? i pulled my cock out, took the rubber off and threw it on the pile that was growing beside the guy’s feet. what to do with my dick next? what do you do when all your choices are there? xxxxxxxx sometime later that night i came all over some guy’s face. xxxxxxxx the second time i came, me and six or seven other guys were having a circle jerk. one after another, we all beat our meat and watched each other come. xxxxxxxx the third time i came, i was blowing this guy, while two guys who were standing on either side of me jerked off on me. their loads sprayed all over my face as i sucked the guy’s thick hardon. i pictured in my mind how i probably looked there with my mouth wrapped around his cock and their cum on my face and roughly jerked myself off until i came again. xxxxxxxx that was my first time at spider’s house. then i was back . . . oh, maybe five times over the next year. xxxxxxxx so i got to know spider. actually, anybody can get to know spider. he’s a very open guy. there were always a couple of guys hanging around outside with him when i got there. he would be smiling and chatting with them and keeping an eye on things, checking out the new arrivals. he would look them over and give his nod of approval. maybe you’re wondering, “was anyone ever turned away?” you know, now that you mention it, i never actually saw spider make someone leave, once they found the place. i don’t even know if spider could have explained to you why it worked out that way. it just did. i think it was kind of like a network. in the beginning, the people spider liked and trusted were there. and he trusted that they would only invite the people that they liked and trusted. and etc. all i know is he ended up with a lot of fuckin’ cock on party night. xxxxxxxx did spider ever go inside? xxxxxxxx yeah. xxxxxxxx spider never made much of a deal about joining in the festivities. you just looked around and there he was, chowing down on some guy’s dick. xxxxxxxx sometimes one of the newer guys, one of the ones who hadn’t been there very often, would make a special effort to do something with spider. they would see him leaning up against the wall, all big and hairy in his truckdriver way, and they would go over and wait their turn, just to get a chance to suck spider’s cock. which was nice, as cocks go. but after a while they realized that spider’s cock was cock, like yours or mine. and with another hundred and fifty cocks to go that night, who stayed on any one forever? xxxxxxxx it was one night while i was watching spider get fucked that i figured out what made spider’s house so different. what made it special for those of us who went there. xxxxxxxx you want to know, don’t you? xxxxxxxx spider was on his hands and knees on the floor. the guy fucking spider’s ass was probably in his mid-twenties. he looked like somebody’s boy-next-door, all shorthaired and cleancut. while spider was getting fucked, he was sucking the cock of a guy lying on the floor. that guy looked like . and then it hit me. without his clothes, without any signals, i didn’t know what he looked like. was he a plumber? a real estate agent? a gym teacher? i mean, i could tell you what he looked like. he was good enough looking, thirtysomething, with an alright body and the beginnings of a beer belly. but beyond that i couldn’t say. as i watched spider suck the guy’s dick, i realized that it was irrelevant. spider was getting cock and that was what he wanted. i looked around the room. i saw that that was all that was going on. these were men getting cock. without their clothes, without a bar or a bookstore or a truckstop around them giving them a role, they were down to no cover. they didn’t cop any attitude saying “no, i’m too cool.” they weren’t sustaining a reputation or an image. xxxxxxxx it was only a room full of naked men having sex. xxxxxxx i looked down. i saw my cock sticking out as hard as it had ever been. xxxxxxxx i got busy. xxxxxxxx i sucked some cock. i got sucked. xxxxxxxx i lay on the floor and ate ass. xxxxxxxx i watched other guys and jerked on my cock. xxxxxxx i was the one leaning over the sink. xxxxxxxx i saw the white light. i came. xxxxxxxx the easy part was that now—now—now—i know. xxxxxxxx the hard part was giving up what i thought i had known before about life and men. xxxxxxxx even after i became a regular at spider’s house, i would miss some of the parties. one night i really wasn’t up to it and . . . don’t laugh. trust me, it can happen. anyway, i went down with this guy i had introduced to the scene. billy was all eager to go and i really didn’t have anything better to do. we were in d.c. and i would have done anything to get out of that place on a friday night, so i took the ride up with him. that time i actually stood outside and talked to spider. not about anything much. and even not about what was going on five feet behind our backs. i wanted to find out about him. and not by asking him direct questions, but just by being around him. and damned if i didn’t stand there and talk to him for hours while he greeted everyone and i couldn’t figure it out. i mean, he was a nice guy and all, but . . . who was he anyway? and how could he come up with the idea for something like this and pull it off. maybe i could have asked him directly, but i didn’t. xxxxxxxx i started going down just to see spider. xxxxxxxx o.k., actually it was only on the next trip down after that one that i let him know i was interested in him as a person. what happened was that billy—again—and i had gotten a late start. we didn’t get there until about three in the morning. there was still a lot of fuckin’ action going on at that point, but—again—i wasn’t into it. billy dived in and went at it. i stood outside and talked to spider. while we chatted about this and that and nothing in particular, the day lightened and men began to leave. it seems that no matter how much activity was going on, or how many people showed up, or that daylight didn’t show through those white concrete walls, everyone just naturally sort of dispersed by five or so in the morning. i mean—face it—they had come one or two or three or god how many times by then. time for breakfast. billy left hand in hand with some guy. spider asked if i wanted to stay and help clean up. now there’s something i had never done in my life. there were a couple of guys who stood around—expecting to help spider, i guess—but he kind of talked to them and then they looked at me and nodded and then they left. spider and i went inside. xxxxxxxx the first thing that struck me was the smell. it smelled like . . . a swamp. hot and humid, and the smell of cum and sweat and lube and the bitter smell of the rubbers hung in the air. my dick started to get hard, just walking into the room. spider smiled. “you gotta do it while it’s still wet,” he said. he gave me a big garbage bag. “do you want some gloves?” he asked. i thought. “no,” i said. he smiled again. “fine. you pick up everything and i’ll come behind you with the hose. let’s start in the back.” which is what we did. back by the showers and the sinks i picked up the paper towels and the leftover wrappers and the condoms. do you know how many fuckin’ condoms three or four hundred guys can go through in one fuckin’ night? at first i was being kind of careful about it. although i had said ‘no gloves’ you still get something going on in your mind. but then i thought ‘what the fuck is your problem?” so i began to pick them up by the handfuls. i got so fuckin’ hard. spider was watching me and still smiling. “what?” i asked. “i can see your dick, man,” he laughed. i looked down. it showed through my jeans so clearly. “just keep workin’,” he said. “it won’t take long.” o.k., so after a while it was just another job. i picked everything up and spider walked behind me, washing down everything—from showers to sinks to walls to floors—with a hose. he was very matter of fact about it, but a slight smile kept playing across his face. after a while i realized it was not there because of me. it was there because he was happy. xxxxxxxx it was a smile of satisfaction. xxxxxxxx after we were done, we threw the garbage bags in the back of his pickup. we took them to some dumpster up the highway, where they no doubt would freak out some state sanitation crew. and then we went back to his place. his real home. xxxxxxxx so yeah, we went to bed then. and what happened there is between me and spider. xxxxxxxx afterwards, we were talking. we were closer then. xxxxxxxx about this and that. xxxxxxxx spider said, “i should tell you that i’m positive.” i said, “don’t care.” xxxxxxxx we got up and had breakfast and he drove me back down to d.c. xxxxxxxx what’s the rest of the history of me and spider? not much. i would still go to the parties, every now and then. when i saw him and he saw me, we smiled and kissed. xxxxxxx then for a while i had a lover. who i then had to take care of. and who died. so i didn’t go to parties for a while. xxxxxxxx after all that happened, i ran into billy in a bar one night and—as it happened—spider was having a party the next night. what did i expect? i don’t even know. but sometimes you just have to go back. xxxxxxxx spider didn’t look any different. just two years older. “hey,” i said. “long time no see,” he said. i wanted to stay outside and talk to him more than i wanted to go inside. eventually, i had to tell him what had happened. he took my hand and kissed me. “it’ll be alright,” he said. xxxxxxxx i started crying. xxxxxxxx spider hugged me and patted my back and held me until i was done. “i’m sorry,” i said. “don’t be sorry,” he said. xxxxxxxx he stood there with his arm around me and kept greeting the new arrivals. always a smile for everyone. they looked so eager, so expectant for what they would find in spider’s house. i said . . . “how do you keep doing it?” xxxxxxxx hey, next time you see him, ask him yourself. spider will look you in the eyes and tell you. “i still cry sometimes. don’t think i don’t. but not as much as i used to. because i believe.” xxxxxxxx and if you haven’t been there yet, next time you see me, ask me. i’ll take you to spider’s house. oooooooo xxxxxxxx

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35 Gay Erotic Stories from Max sprouse

[name]

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1107

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1108

1108 bang bang bang. "A. J.!" Bang, bang, bang. "A. J.”! Open up!" A. J.. opened the door to his room. The sound of wu-tang jumped out into the hall. "Bri, my man. What the fuck." "Give me that." Brian grabbed the beer out of A. J.'s hand as he stomped into the room. "What is your problem, dude." "Nick." "Shit, man. I don't want you

1109

1109 what the hell was that, kevin thought. i'm just getting back after looking for sex all night, and a.j.'s already done. i wonder what kind of trash bitch he found tonight. i don't know how he does it. he's not that good-looking. i'm better looking than he is. everybody says so. how come he gets all the action and i spend hours wandering the streets without so much

Alley

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Ballad, Part 1

josh grew up in kansas. josh grew up gay in kansas and that meant that he grew up in his kansas, a kansas that he was different from the kansas seen by the people around him. as he grew up, he realized in what way his kansas was different. the people around him—he was sure—did not see the world and its inhabitants as he did. he believed they saw the guy who worked at the gas

Ballad, Part 2

kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . kree . . . josh heard the cricket chirping. it pulsed above the other noises. the steady low rush of the water. the occasional whisper of wind through the trees above him. josh couldn’t sleep. at first he blamed it on setting up his tent hurriedly. he should have searched out a different campsite. the ground was hard here. then he blamed it on

Bath

it burns. it burns my skin. how can water burn my skin? when i first turn on the water, it takes it about two minutes to get as hot as i know it can get. or as hot as i know i can bear. then i put the plug in. it takes another ten minutes for the bathtub to fill up to the level i need. enough time to figure out what music to play. usually i don’t take this kind of bath

Behavior

it’s one of those stories that starts and ends in the bar. it was a saturday night and i was being my usual raunchy self. the single life appeals to me and i have learned how to do it well. so i was working the bar like a horny gay man. this performance—as such it is—consisted of posing suggestively, walking boldly, and drinking madly. the intention was to portray a

Blowing Stupid Boys

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bouquet

helllllllloooooooooo :bobberrrrrrrrrrrrr? are you there? :whoooooooooo +yes cal im here +i wasnt sleeping :soory. i just got home +no problem :sorry :what time is it there :what time is it there :i didn’t want to call too late +no problem :were you asleep? +no, just resting :should i go +no +whats up? :nothing. just got home. told you id call so here iam +how was the

Brickport

“hey.” “hey.” “don’t get up.” “what time is it?” “about four.” “where have you been.” “brickport.” “brickport?” “yeah.” “oh . . . why?” “i went home with someone.” “oh.” “yeah . . . well.” “i see.” “go back to sleep.” “not yet . . . i was worried.” “i was o.k.” “i’m sure.” “hey.” “i know, i know.” “we said

Butt Fuck Nebraska

the letter gary walked in, sorting through the mail. “anything interesting?” “no. bill. bill. the ‘advocate’. junk. ‘you may already be a winner’ . . .” “i like to think so.” “a postcard from jim and tommy.” “bitches.” “the beach looks nice.” “tan bitches.” “oh, good. a letter from mom.” “b- . . . how nice.” “hey!” “she’s your mother but she’s my mother-in-law. she’s just

Dangerboy

six months ago it was early morning and some of the company were outside the station. we were sitting around drinking our coffee, watching the steam rise as we warmed our hands on the cups. the sun had made an appearance shortly before, the morning fog was evaporating, and nobody was doing much talking. still waking up. jim broke the silence. “anybody know anything

Dare

When I showed you his picture in the paper, and I told you that I had met him, you wanted to know the circumstances. I didn't want to go into it then, because it was in the early stages of our relationship, and I didn't know how you would take it. Besides, when I said that he had been a trick, you didn't look like you believed me. He wasn't exactly a trick. I don't know

fight club--the missing scenes

SCENE ONE (exterior, the house on paper street. it is raining.) (interior, jack’s room. the sound of water dripping into coffee tins, washbasins, etc., but we can see that they are all full and the water is simply running off onto the floor. jack—wearing a dirty grey t-shirt, boxer shorts, and army boots—is hunched beneath a blanket reading a magazine. suddenly, he jumps

jail tale

“what happened to theseus and pirithous in the end?” “that was the end—their last adventure was down to hades and they were caught, bound in invisible chains. theseus was rescued finally but he had to leave his friend behind. in the chain the love of comrades cannot take away.” tom stoppard: the invention of love i was in the wrong bar. i was looking down at the fat pink cock of

Life In The Forest

i was not in a good mood when i got home. as i loosened my tie, robbie came out of the kitchen. “what’s up, babe?” “urgh,” i grunted. he chuckled. “oh, did him have a bad day at work?” i grunted again as i flopped down in my chair. he came over and stood behind me. he began massaging my shoulders. “yes him did. him is all tired and grumpy.” having my shoulders rubbed felt

memory : the van

memory : the van where and when this happened to me, i don't want to be too specific about. let's just say it was some place in the south, before. i would like one of the guys involved to see this. when i was in college i didn't have a car. so when there was a concert i wanted to go to, i had to hitch. that wasn't much of a problem. if it was a popular concert,

metal

“how about you put a knife up my ass.” “i’d love to.” “no, i mean it.” | “that’s really sick.” “well, yes.” “and you could hurt yourself.” | “how about it.” “no, i told you.” | “how about now.” “what’s the matter with you.” | “you know what i’m thinking.” “no, what.” “about that knife.” “forget it.” | “i could do it myself, you know.” “what.” “the knife.” “jesus.”

mystery achievement

one i got the job because i was a gay man who knew how to keep his mouth shut. it’s a rarer quality in these days than some might think. that’s not the entire reason, but it’s a good place to start. the real beginning was with kevin. now, kevin did not show up at the bars all that much. i might see him there maybe once a month. but he always spoke to me, and i remembered him

Photograph

i have always had a thing for dark-eyed men. i don’t mean italians or greeks or the others with mediterranean blood. i mean the ones with dark circles around their eyes, or eyes that are slightly sunken in their faces. the ones who look like they haven’t been sleeping well. the ones who have a haunted mournful look. even the ones who look like they’ve been in a fight. black eyes

Real

i got off the chatroom because i’m not a fuckin’ whore, like those other guys. yeah, if your name is holepig, i’m talkin’ to you. yeah. right. if i stay in both friday and saturday night, it drives me crazy. i really only regretted friday night because that’s my dancing night. who was it? martha graham? “wherever a dancer stands ready, that spot is holy ground.” ----------- the

Spider's House

do you know how to get to spider’s house? xxxxxxxx i do. xxxxxxxx does that make me special? not really. a lot of guys know how to get there. but then a lot more guys have heard about it—and want to go, badly—and don’t know where it is. xxxxxxxx if you’re really pestering someone, they’ll eventually get tired of you and give you the directions. but they know that you’ll never

Stuff

“that’ll be $150 for two guys.” “fine.” “per hour.” “fine.” moving is such a bitch. you collect stuff. this lamp from your first apartment. this couch from your first lover. this bed from your third lover. these dishes, those cd’s. and it’s all important. when you move, you have to take it all with you. after a while i learned it was better not to bother

summer sun

i. by that august, i had been with doug for two years. not ‘with’ in the sense of living with him. but i had been his boy for two years. i had had one daddy before. but now i was with doug. ii. it was early august when he told me that we were going away for the weekend. so on friday afternoon i was packed and waiting for him when he drove up to my apartment building. we

the best years of our lives

he and i had been lovers for a while. i had left my first lover for him. there may have been some bad behavior on my part. my first lover was out of town and i had picked up the one who would be my next lover in a bar. we got it off and hit it off and started meeting on the sly. many lies and excuses for lateness to the first lover, of course, so that the new one and i could

the ghost of danny boyd

i open my eyes and look out into the dark of the bedroom. i don’t think i have been asleep. maybe i have been. i had been drifting, trying. as the few seconds pass i separate the blocks of black and grey, identifying them. those long lines are the curtains, that square is the chest, the silver whisper is the mirror. their blurred edges and indistinct borders blend the dark and

The Hold

i’m gonna quote a line like, like, from, from, uh, yeats i think it is, like from him, and that’s called the best lack all conviction while the best are filled, no, no, it’s the other way around, the best lack all conviction (laughs) and the worst are filled with a passion and intensity now you figure out where i am.” lou reed live—take no prisoners (1978) — my apartment was the

the quiet boy

“come here.” “what?” “come here.” “why?” “because i said so, you stupid fuck.” “oh.” “stand here.” “here?” “yes.” “ . . .” “ . . .” “now what?” “shut up.” “yes, sir.” “ . . . ” “ . . . ” “ . . . ” “ . . . ” “take off your pants.” “yes, sir.” he did. i got on my knees in front of him and began to suck his cock. it went from soft to hard right away. well, i’m a good

The Sound Of His Voice

one .. “you’re going to listen to me and do everything that i say.” his arms were stretched forward, palms flat against the wall on either side of my head. he leaned into me, emphasizing the words with his steady gaze. i kept looking into his eyes. .. maybe i should go back a bit. .. it had been a rough couple of months. i had been dating this one guy for a while—four dates,

this week

the complexity of the ngor mandalas mirrors the complexity of vajrayana ritual. the combination of the intricate image and the equally involved literary texts associated with the mandala, as for all vajrayana ritual, means that the task facing the devotee would be overwhelming without the direct involvement of the guru as a guide through these layers of religious worship. —robert e.

to...

my friend john lived in a village west of oxford. every year or so, when i made a trip to london to visit my publisher, i would tear myself away from the museums and the theaters—and the bars and the british men with their sweet and sexy accents—to visit him for a few days. after several weeks in the city, it was nice to get away and savor some quiet country life. and i did

Triangle

“does he HAVE to be a virgin?” i wondered. adam looked at me. “if he does, we’re shit out of luck here.” i scanned the bar. “this is a pretty tacky bunch,” i agreed. “monsters everywhere, and very few gods.” “i haven’t seen a god in here for ages.” “for that matter, i haven’t seen god himself in here for a long time either.” “i see god when i’m dancing.” “yeah, well. that’s

up against it 1999

“anything worth doing, is worth doing in public.” —joe orton: up against it (1967) (title and opening credits. music: the ad libs, “boy from new york city.) (scene: florida, summer.) (fade up to four young men in a convertible). nick: man, i can’t wait to get to the beach. jeff: yeah, it’s hot. drew: it’s too fuckin’ hot.

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