Gay Erotic Stories

It had been cloudy all day, a dull silver sky that was growing dark in late afternoon. July it usually stayed light until nine but here it was only six-thirty and I was yawning. Too quiet, I guess. Quiet was the very reason I’d moved out to the country when I retired. I wanted to get out of the city and away from the sight of constant people.

Well, after a year of isolation it was beginning to bore me. I sat on the front porch and watched the afternoon turn into an early evening, sipped at iced tea and wished I had somebody to talk to. I let a few desultory sketches slide from my lap and scatter to the floor. What did it matter? I yawned, again. The driveway disappeared into gray shadows between the pine trees; I couldn’t even see the county road or any traffic passing by. A fine mist of rain blew in across my face. I decided to call it a day.

I took a leisurely shower, thought about a light soup for supper and maybe a movie. I’d that copy of “The English Patient” to watch, or maybe a book ... a good murder mystery would be nice. When I cut off the shower I heard rain pounding the roof, it’d finally broke into a downpour. Maybe that would cool off the house, summer heat simmered under the close humidity.

I put on a terrycloth robe, too short but who was to see? I didn’t even tie the belt; it was flapping loose as I came down the stairs toward the front door, still standing wide open. I froze on the bottom step, there was a figure standing at the screen door, tall and masculine. His voice called out, rough and hardy.

“Howdy, neighbor. I figured you must be in the shower or asleep, I been knocking at your door a while down here.”

I cinched my robe closed with a guilty flush at being caught naked--a pleasant but disturbing emotion. The man had the local dialect. Perhaps he was a neighbor; I didn’t know many people around here. I went to the screen door and flicked on the porch light.

“Sorry, I was in the shower, didn’t hear you.” He was a tall, lean man, well into middle age with silver shot through his thick sideburns. His face was lined with many years of sunburn; deep fissures creased his thin cheeks. He wore an open plaid shirt over blue work pants. His clothes shined wet and beads of rain ran in droplets down his bare chest. “Had some bad luck down on the road. Got no windshield wipers but I was trying to drive anyway. Went off into the ditch, serves me right, I guess. Anyways, I’m sure stuck and I was wondering would you call my brother to come pull me out. I’d appreciate it.”

“Oh! Dear me, I’m so sorry. Are you alright? Come on in. Of course you can use the phone.” All my anxiety disappeared; concern for this man pressed away my reserve. I pushed open the screen, “Please, come in.”

“Well, see, I’m wet right through,” he grinned. “I’ll track up your floor and drip all over the place. You want to phone for me, it’s okay. I’ll stay on your porch, not make you a mess.”

“Lord, no! This is a bachelor house; it’s seen a bigger mess. You come on inside. Phone’s right by the stairs over there.”

“Least let me kick off my boots, got red mud all over ‘em.” And he quickly clunked off his clay coated boots and peeled his stained socks to toss over them, only then did he step inside, ducking his head like a shy boy. It was a natural modesty I found charming. “Mighty hospitable of you, thanks.”

“I’m Don Meadows, and you’re very welcome.”

He shook my hand with a strong grip, ducked his head again, “Jim Doggett, glad to meet you.” He smiled, easy with formality. He was a polite man, in spite of the country accent and simple clothes. I showed him the phone and went off to the kitchen for a towel. When I returned to the hall, Jim had removed his wet shirt as he talked into the phone. I took it from his hand and passed him the towel. He acknowledged it with a grin and a nod, kept talking. “What time’s he get off? Oh, no, don’t send him over, then. I’ll call Calvin out from the garage; he’ll have the tow truck. Probably best, anyway. Thanks, Cora. Tell Henry I’ll call him tomorrow.”

He hung up and turned to me, “My brother’s working a double, won’t be home till midnight. Least that’s what he told his wife, anyway.” Jim laughed; his blue eyes lit with the suggestion maybe wife didn’t know her husband as well as Jim did. “I’ll call the garage in Hilldale.”

He dialed the phone and I pulled a ladder back chair over so he could sit down. He glanced at it but shook his head, patted his wet rear end. “It’s okay,” I told him, “sit down!”

“Glenn? Hey, it’s Jim Doggett. What you doing?” While he talked, he spread the towel on my chair and opened his belt, let his pants drop to the floor and sat down in his worn and stretched out jockey shorts, kicked the wet pants off his feet. “I’m needing your tow truck, I reckon. Got my pick-up in a ditch full of clay, she ain’t coming out under her own steam.” He paused, listening with a frown. “Yeah, well, I always had lousy timing. Wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all.” He grinned up at me. “Take that back, I got ditched right in front of the old Johnson house, real nice fellow here now. Least I wasn’t stuck out in the wilds of Crenshaw County. Maybe he’ll let me lay over and Henry’ll pull me out tomorrow. ... Yeah, Meadows, right. Don Meadows. ... That so? An artist?” He looked up at me with raised brows, “From Atlanta?” I nodded. “Yeah, says he is. Sure, he’s right here.... No kidding?” He glanced back at me, “Hell, I don’t know, I just got here. Glad to be out of the storm, anyway.”... He laughed. .. “I’m a big boy, don’t you worry. Go ahead, Glenn, I’ll see you around, bye.”

He turned to me with a wary smile, “Even tow trunks break down, I guess. He’s got the heads off, valves shot. Looks like I’ve stuck you with an unexpected guest. He stood up with an embarrassed grin, pulled his pants back up with a sudden-born modesty.

“I see. And your friend told you I’m gay, right? Guess the gossip is running wild around the county.” I laughed. “It’s okay, Jim Doggett. I’ve never raped a man. Not a big fellow like you, anyway!”

“Aw, I don’t believe all the gossip I hear. Folks will say...”

“But it’s the truth, Jim. I wouldn’t lie about it. I’m gay. Think your reputation will stand up to a night in my house?” The lights blinked just then, the storm was getting rough. “Hell, my reputation ain’t nothing to brag about. Ain’t many folks around here as would take me in, I’ll guarantee you. You’re mighty trusting to take in a stranger. How you know I ain’t about to rape you,” and he showed a crooked grin with deep dimples. “I’ll take my chances if you will,” I grinned back at him. “We’re dressed for it, anyway.”

He laughed, dropped his wet, baggy pants and shook them off his feet. “I figure I’ll be safe once you get a look at my scrawny ass. Hell, I’m past worrying about somebody lusting after this old bag of bones. I have to sneak up on my old lady while she’s dreaming about one of them wrestlers she watches on TV!”

“Don’t underestimate yourself, Jim. You look pretty good to me. You better not drop your jockeys or I might lose control of myself.” No lie, he looked damn good. The guy had worked hard in his life; he was still firm and lean.

“Well, sir, these here jockeys is wet and soggy and I’m planning to shed ‘em. I seen you with your robe flapping open so I know for a fact you done seen a bigger dick than mine.” He hooked his thumbs in his waistband with a smile, “You can turn your head if you don’t want to see it.”

“And miss a free show? Hell, no! You want some pants to wear? I’ve got another robe...”

“Nawh, the towel’s okay,” and he shoved his drawers down and stepped out of them. He stood with arms outstretched, hips thrust forward and grinning. He had an average looking, circumcised dick with a thick brown bush. His balls hung low with a few silver hairs like a beard. Not a spectacular show but human and vulnerable. The sight of him naked didn’t arouse me so much as make me feel sympathy for a plain and simple man. He looked thinner naked, his hip bones more obvious... his belly paler. He laughed, “Seen enough?” He picked up the towel.

“No! I could look at you naked for hours! But you better cover it up; I’ll be trying to grab it if I keep looking.”

“Hell, grab it! Why you think I’m showing it to you?” But his laughter made a joke of the invitation and he wrapped the white towel around his waist and tucked it in firmly. “Careful what you ask for, Jim!” I laughed with him. “Now give me your clothes and I’ll run them through the laundry. We’ll have you dry and dressed in an hour.”

“Listen, for real. You don’t mind me crashing here? My brother won’t be able to pull me out until tomorrow.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m alone out here too much, man, glad for the company. Be nice to have somebody to talk to ... but I could run you home if you want. You don’t have to stay... Won’t your wife be worried?”

“Hell, Gloria ain’t my wife! She sure as hell ain’t gonna be worried about me, either! More likely she’ll be glad I ain’t bothering her. She ain’t always happy to see me, not unless she needs something fixed. You know how women are.”

I grinned, “Well, I don’t know a lot about women, no.”

He laughed. “Not missing a whole lot, Mr. Don!” He picked up the wet clothes. “Just show me the washing machine. I’m used to doing my own laundry.”

“Please, Jim, let me do it. Shower’s upstairs if you want to wash off the mud ... first door on the left. Would you like a cup of coffee? I just put on a fresh pot.”

“Yeah, thanks. Let me get cleaned up first... won’t take a minute.” He glanced up the stairs.

“Go ahead”, I told him, “there’s a robe on back of the door.”

I’d started the washing machine and just poured our coffee at the kitchen table when Jim came downstairs calling, “Where’d you go?”

“Back here!,” I pushed open the louvered kitchen door to the hall. Jim was standing there in my long blue plaid robe. It flared open when he came towards me. He didn’t seem to worry about exposing his body. In fact, he appeared to enjoy it. He made no effort to hold the robe together, let it spread away from his legs and part around his bony hips. I tried not to stare at his cock but I got the impression it was slightly aroused. It swung heavily as he walked. He grinned, “Feels like a million dollars! What is this, velvet?” “It’s just cotton velour. It looks great on you... always been too big on me. Not too hot, is it?” “Kinda warm, yeah. It’d be perfect on a cold night, huh?” “Yeah. It’s good to curl up in and read ... or watch TV.” I pushed a cup of coffee towards the side of the table. “You want cream?”

“No thanks. A little sugar if you got it?” He pulled the chair out so he wasn’t hidden behind the table, sat down sideways with his legs out towards me. I decided he really did enjoy showing off. I handed him a spoon and passed the sugar bowl. “Hey, this is pretty nice!” He held up the bowl. “Silver?”

“Yes, but just plated; it was my grandmother’s.”

“You’ve got a lot of nice stuff, what I saw of your living room and everything’s so clean and neat. I’d hate for you to see my place! It’s a fucking mess!” He looked around the kitchen, “You cook, too?” “Yeah. I like to cook. But I don’t eat much so I don’t get to cook a lot. Back in the city, I used to invite people over just for an excuse to cook a big meal. I don’t know anybody out here, so I don’t get any company.”

“Hell, you can invite me over anytime you want to cook! I eat in cafes all the time, sure miss home cooking. I can’t even make coffee that tastes this good!” He leaned over his cup, sniffing the aroma.

“It’s imported. Sweden. Really wonderful, isn’t it?”

“Damn right. Best coffee I ever had! You must do pretty good as an artist, huh? Not one of those starving artist types.”

“Don’t think I’m that great an artist! It’s just a hobby. My mother left me with a pretty large insurance policy, so I invested it. I live off the earnings and just barely sell enough paintings to cover the cost of the supplies. People send me photographs and I paint portraits from them. I don’t even think of it as real art. Commercial art, maybe, I just like to paint. I’d never make much of a living at it. I was an art teacher. I retired early, right after my mom died. Moved out here on a whim, should have stayed in the city, I guess. I don’t really like being alone as much as I thought I would.”

“A teacher. Yeah, that suits you. I can see that; kind of strange--you moving way out here alone. No boyfriend or nothing? No relatives nearby?”

“Yeah. I guess I over-reacted, huh? I should have taken a long vacation when I retired and then stayed in town. Did you ever just want to change? Make your life over?”

“Sure. My life’s not so hot. I think about selling out my place and moving to the city.” He laughed. “Guess we always want the other side of the fence, right? Takes a lot of guts to just up and do it, though. You? You just wanted a change and you did it?”

As we talked, Jim crossed his ankles at the side of my chair, slid down in his seat and leaned sideways onto the table top. His cock lay in his lap like a tiny sleeping puppy. I’d never seen a man so at ease with his body. Had he forgot I was gay? Maybe it was just a joke to him; he’d never taken it seriously. His ease was beautiful, a natural grace like an animal. I caught myself mentally drawing his long legs, the well defined calves, the sharp knees. I jerked myself back to the moment and he was grinning at me.

“I never had nobody look at me like that. Gives me Goosebumps. I was asking if I could see some of your paintings, guess you wasn’t listening ...?” His grin flashed once more.

“I’m sorry, Jim. My mind was wandering. I would dearly love to draw you. Would you mind? Oh, sure. I’ve got several paintings ...”

“Wait up! You want to draw me? Damn. I ain’t nothing to look at man, just a plain old dirt farmer.” “You’re a fine looking man, Jim. Not a kid, no, but a strong man who’s been through some battles. You look like a survivor. You’ve got a way of relaxing in your skin, I don’t know... just know most men are tense and awkward no matter how they sit; you just sort of melt into yourself. Not tonight. I didn’t mean right now. But sometime... would you sit for me? Let me draw you? Maybe paint you?”

“You gotta be kidding... A painting of me? Nobody’d believe it!” He laughed, “I don’t even believe it.”

“But would you? Would you let me?”

“Listen, Mr. ... Don. Looky, if you just wanna swing on my dingus ...Hell, it’s right here!” He nodded at his lap. “You said you’d put me up and I figured to let you have it if’n you want it...?”

“No, it’s not that, Jim. Really! I haven’t actually wanted to paint in a long time. I just go through the motions ...but when I look at you I really want to draw you, paint you. You’ve got something that excites me...” I laughed, “I mean, besides that thing!” He laughed, too. “Tomorrow, after you get your truck going... whenever it’s convenient for you?”

“Okay. Sure! I’ll do it. I ain’t got a tie; I got an old blue suit...”

“No, no. I want you nude, Jim. I want to paint you naked.” The sudden silence grew uncomfortably long. He sipped at his coffee. His eyes peered from under lowered brows. I held my breath. His grin tried to peep out.

“Who’s gonna see it? You gonna hang it up in the parlor or what?”

“That’s up to you. Nobody sees it without your approval... but I don’t think that’ll be a problem. It won’t be pornography, Jim. I promise you. You’ll be proud of it.”

“You ask a lot of a man, Mr. Don ...”

“Please, just Don ...”

“But I guess you know about this art business. I sure don’t know squat about it. Let’s do it. When I see what it looks like then I’ll say if it’s okay for anybody to see it, right?”

“Only when you say so...”

“I guess I trust you. You look like a trustable man.” His grin broke into a broad smile, “Besides, I’d sure like to see it myself! A naked picture of me? Don’t that beat all!”

“You said a farmer? What do you raise?” I got up and lifted the cover off a pound cake I had on the counter, glanced back with a questioning glance. He smiled and nodded. “Don’t raise nothing no more. Used to put in near sixty acres of cash crops…soy and corn and ... Mmm looks good!” He took the slice in his bare hand, didn’t wait for a plate or fork. Grabbed a huge bite like he was starving. “Tastes like lemon, damn, that’s fine!” His words came out around crumbs and a quick lick of his tongue. “I’ve got a roast turkey, would you eat a sandwich?” He nodded fiercely.

“Yes sir. I ain’t had nothing since breakfast...figured to be home long before now!”

“Why didn’t you tell me? …and all my talk about cooking didn’t help you any, did it?”

“Made my mouth set to watering, that’s for sure! I never had cake like this... it ain’t regular pound cake...”

“It has lemon pudding in it. Makes it moist.”

“Better move it off the table or I’ll eat the rest of it. Best cake I ever had!”

“When you’re hungry, everything tastes good! ... You like pickles? Mustard?” He was nodding at every suggestion. I added tomatoes and mayonnaise without asking. He needed the calories; the look of his ribs was proof enough. I gave him the sandwich and dipped up a dish of pasta salad from the bowl in the refrigerator... added ranch dressing and bacon crumbles, a pinch of chives.

I didn’t ask questions while he ate. It was a pleasure to watch him! Always made me feel good to see somebody eat my cooking. Jim ate with a gusto I’d rarely seen. I sipped at cold coffee and tried to hold back a smile ... when he sat back and sighed, patted his belly, I couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it!” “What makes you think I enjoyed it?” Then he laughed out loud. “Just ‘cause I ate like hog? Ain’t no cafe in town got food like this. I’m thinking I’d send Gloria over here to take lessons but you can’t teach a mule to crow. What’s the flavor on that turkey? Spicy and sweet?”

“My own recipe. I call it savory honey glaze. You like it?”

“Yes sir, I sure do, almost as good as that lemon cake.” He gave me a sideways grin. “I’m thinking a fellow could do worse than have you for a wife, Don. Was there any cake left?” Then he dropped the grin. “Sorry. I didn’t mean no harm. About the wife stuff … no offence meant.”

“None taken, Jim. Thanks for the thought. Here, plenty of cake. Have at it.”

“I’s just wondering why you ain’t got a ... a partner, you know? Looks like you’d have plenty of men glad to keep company with you. You just like being by yourself?”

“Hard to say. Sometimes I wish I had somebody, most times I don’t think about it. I’m a pretty solitary guy, I guess. You? You must have been married sometimes …?”

“Yeah, I been married a couple of times--enough to make me think twice about getting into that shit again; guess I’m a solitary sort, too. I been living on my own about seven years, now. Got kinda used to keeping to myself. I go and visit with old Gloria when I get to wanting some comfort, you know. She ain’t the marrying kind, either. She’s got a beauty shop over in Wiley and that’s about all she really cares about. I think she just puts up with me so’s I’ll keep her hair dryers going and her sinks unplugged. I doubt she misses me when I’m not around, not unless something breaks down.” His smile was self-conscious, the confession was not flattering. “Well,” I told him, “she must be a foolish woman to keep you at arm’s length. She ought to be trying to snag you! Bag you up and lock the door. I would, if I was a woman.”

“Too bad you’re not!” He scoffed, raised his eyebrows. “If you was a woman I’d be trying to tag you!” We both laughed, but it was a vulnerable and guilty moment. In spite of any admitted admiration we had for each other, it was clear between us that I was not a woman.

We moved to the living room for coffee and Jim flopped back on the couch. I curled into the big chair and we kept up a comfortable conversation just by recounting our past years and scars. Near nine, the talk lagged and the rain let up. It grew increasingly quiet and long pauses came between our words. I yawned first and he caught it with a grin, yawned also. “Not your company, Jim, just I’m used to early hours.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Come on,” I stood up. “There’s a TV in the guest room if you want to watch a while but I’m turning in. The rain makes me sleepy.” I led the way up the stairs, Jim followed close behind. I showed him the room across the landing from mine.

“Wow. This is nice, man! You keep it just for company?”

“Yeah. I thought when I moved down here I’d get visitors from Atlanta … friends, you know? But I’ve had damn few.”

“Seems a shame to mess up a fresh bed like that,” he turned and looked down into my face. “What about your bed? Is it big enough to share? I kinda thought we might …? You know?…” His brows went up and wavered. “That is, if’in you want .. ?”

“Yeah. I want. Come on.”

I really thought it might be awkward and embarrassing but it was not, not at all. Jim dropped his robe and climbed into bed like an old buddy, asked about breakfast, what time I usually woke up, relaxed and easy subjects that helped me loosen the tension that was quickly building inside my chest. I flicked off the lamp so I could undress in the dark. No point in showing him my hard dick. I doubted he wanted to look at it, but the odd thing was … his hand went right for it as soon as I lay down. He lay still and gripped me in a tight fist, moved the loose skin up and down the warm length. I reached for him and found a full palm of firm cock but he wasn’t fully hard, only half way there.

“I’m mostly slow off the mark, showing my age, huh?”

“I’m older than you and I still lose it too damn fast! Not about the years, just about the nervous tension, I think. You’re not nervous about it. I figured you would be.”

“Nervous about sex? Why? I always liked it pretty good … there, now it’s coming awake.”

I felt his cock stir under my hand, fill out and lengthen. “Mmmm, it’s getting bigger. Slow but sure, huh?”

“Not too damn sure. Sometimes it don’t work at all. Makes Gloria laugh, at times; she gets a kick out of teasing me about it.”

“Foolish woman … Mmmmm, yeah, careful… go slow or I’ll lose it before we get started …”

He chuckled low and quiet. “Makes you crazy, huh? Didn’t know if I could do a good job for you or not … oh! Yeah, harder. Squeeze it tight!”

I slid over closer to him, our hips met and his legs spread out, one lay across mine. He shoved the blanket down, kicked it to the floor and pulled me closer, slid a palm across my chest and eased up on the jerking motion. “I ain’t done nothing like this in years. Used to beat off with my cousin when we was kids… got a blow job once, in county jail …”

“Did you like it?”

“Well, he got my nut, you know? Guess it was good. Worst I ever had was wonderful! … Damn, you getting all wet, dripping like a faucet.” He smeared the slick lubricant over the head of my dick, didn’t seem at all wary of the texture. “Mine never done that, I stay dry as a bone …” He moved his wet fist to his own cock head, spread some of my juice over it … “Damn, that feels good …” He turned in the bed, shifted towards me until our cocks were bumping together … His fist moved from mine to his, spreading the slick lube between us. He brought our heads together, let them slide, wet and slick, across each other. “Jesus Christ! Whew! That’s good …”

I took possession of his cock again, as he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me tighter against him. I felt the knot deep in my belly as it began to come loose. The little trembles started. I shoved him onto his back and went downtown. No time for slow kisses down his belly, I slurped at his big old cock and drove it deep in my throat. He was tugging at my leg, reaching for me… I turned, flipped around so he could reach me easier. He held to my cock as I sucked at him. It was over too soon. First I shot off into his fist and he covered it and held on tight as he moaned and growled out a bucking orgasm that came thick and sticky, coated my tongue and the roof of my mouth with his flat and musky flavor.

We lay still and just breathed. When I could move I leaned down, found my tee shirt on the floor and wiped at his hand, blotted his palm when I could peel it back from my soft dick. I’d made a pretty big mess in his hand and on my belly. Not many guys ever let me shoot off in their fist. He just didn’t pack a lot of scary shit in his head, that’s for sure. He finally moved, took an edge of the tee shirt and wiped his hand dry then pulled at me. I dropped the shirt and turned. He pulled me close and put his leg back across mine. My face fit into his shoulder and we drifted off. I kept thinking of things I should say but he was so peaceful and relaxed, I wouldn’t disturb him.

I woke early in the morning. Jim was tight against my ass, his arm around my belly. His quiet snore created a warm breeze on back of my neck. I untangled our legs, crawled from under his arm … He stirred, tried to pull me back. “I gotta take a leak …”

“Yeah … me too.” He sat up and followed a couple of steps behind me. We stood, swaying sleepily, side by side as we pissed. He put a hand on my shoulder for balance, I think. I wrapped an arm behind his waist. Two naked and frail men, holding together to stand. I felt pretty stupid, I guess. Always a little embarrassed the morning after, so I turned on the shower as he shook off the last drops, stepped into the steamy spray.

Jim came in behind me, surprised me. It was crowded but we managed. A few knee bumps and elbow tangles later we stepped out and I handed him a towel. We dried off. He blotted my back when I turned around. I wiped soap suds from the back of his neck. We remained quiet, we needed coffee. At our age, the mornings ache.

I put on my robe but Jim just wrapped his towel around him. I filled the coffee maker while he checked the dryer, brought his clothes to the table. He laid them on a chair, dropped his towel and picked up his thread bare jockey shorts. Stepped into them and flopped down to lean his head on a fist propped up with elbow. “We could have slept awhile longer, don’t you think? It’s not even seven o’clock.”

“Go back to bed if you want to… I always wake up early, can’t wait for the coffee and a cigarette.”

“Nawh, not the same alone.”

That was nice. I’d have smiled if I had the energy. I poured coffee into our mugs, passed the sugar bowl and a spoon. I sipped while he stirred; head still propped like his neck couldn’t hold it up. I grinned into the rim of my cup.

“Slow to wake up, huh?”

“Yeah.” His eyes came up to search my face. He grinned a small, listless grin. “I told you that last night, didn’t I?”

We remained quiet through the first cup. I watched him and every once in a while his face came up to glance my way, duck aside. I got up and refilled our cups. When I stood near him, he reached out to run his palm up the back of my thigh, under my robe, and squeezed my ass, affectionate, not sexy. I touched his cheek and we smiled. I moved away.

“So what’s the plan? I’ve got a Bronco and a chain somewhere. Think we could pull it out of the ditch?”

He looked surprised. “You didn’t mention a truck or a chain last night …?”

“Last night I wasn’t in any hurry to get rid of you.”

“Oh,” he grinned. “But this morning you’re ready to show me the road?”

“Nope. Just don’t want to feel like I’m holding you against your will. We get your truck out and you can go or come as you please. Stay long as you please… but I’d like you free and clear, not worried about your truck.”

“Come as I please?” He chuckled. His eyes wrinkled up in good humor.

“Any time you please, I’d be pleased to make you cum.” I dropped my face. Sometimes I embarrassed myself.

“Quite a promise, Donnie … a generous offer. Wish I had more to give you in return. Don’t seem right, doing so much taking, not much to give …”

“You give me plenty … all I need.” I never liked talk like this, made me feel stupid as hell.

“I doubt a man ever gets everything he needs … but if I make you happy, that’s about all I can give you.”

“Very happy, Jim; you make me very happy.” I looked up at him, then, but his eyes searched mine too intently, made me squirm. What could I say? All I need is a hard dick? A kind word? A little affection and appreciation? Sounds kind of pathetic, doesn’t it?

“Was there ever a real partner, Donnie? Did you ever fall in love and all that bullshit?”

“Yeah … I guess. There was always some guy back in Atlanta, maybe a new one ever week or so. One lasted six months, I think … Fell in love every time I went to the Eagle, this bar? So many good looking guys, so many hot studs? Shit, too damn many!”

“That why you moved down here to the sticks? To get away from all them hot studs?”

“It wasn’t so great … not really. It was just sex. Lust ain’t all it’s cracked up to be”, I tried to laugh. “The guys got younger and younger and I kept getting older and more foolish … It got really dumb.” I flushed with a warm tide of embarrassment. “Wasn’t them I wanted to get away from, it was me, I guess. It’s like an addiction, emphasis on the “dick”… I donno, Jim, I never liked being gay, I guess. Always wished I was straight and normal.”

“Normal ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, either, Donnie. Just being human is a job, man--a real job. Everybody gets lonely and feels stupid … everybody wishes they was somebody else, somebody better off …somebody with more…”

“I’d be happy just to stay off my knees a while! How about this? You’re the first friend I’ve made down here and the first night I’m sucking your cock? Now, that’s not your normal problem, is it?”

“What’s wrong with that? I wanted it, you wanted it? Didn’t it make you feel good? Didn’t it make you happy?”

“You know this morning? When I poured your coffee and you patted my ass? That made me happy, Jim … that little touch of affection … that’s the best thing that’s happened to me in years. I can’t remember a really sincere touch of affection that wasn’t designed to get something from me, to manipulate me. It gives away a lot, Jim … sucking a man’s dick … I feel like I give away some part of myself every time I do it…”

“And I feel like that every time I give up a nut, Don … I gave you something and you gave me something, right?”

“But you had the choice … I never feel I have a choice. Show me a cock and I get weak in the knees … I lose it, I donno … this is stupid. I can’t explain it to you, hell; I couldn’t even explain it to my shrink!”

“So it was just my cock? Had nothing to do with being Jim Doggett? That true?”

I shrugged. It wasn’t something I wanted to admit but it sounded too true.

“Seems I disremember you falling to your knees at all, Donnie. I remember you showing me to the guest room and me talking a blue streak to get into your bed … could be you don’t remember everything that happened, just the part that worries you some. Hell, I liked you pretty damn good, man. Didn’t matter if you sucked my dick or not, I’d still like you pretty fine. I thought I was having to work for the blow job … It was me grabbed your dick first, remember? Is that the normal you wishing for? I’m always thinking cock makes me weak, too, but it’s my own damn cock does it. Makes me do stupid and foolish stuff … what’s the difference, we just men, right? Born to chase pleasure and sin, created to act like the fools we are … Who’s perfect, huh? Presidents, preachers, bishops and kings do foolish stuff for the sake of sex … why you expect to be any better? Listen, man, I want to be your friend, for real … can’t remember meeting a man I liked any better’n you, Donnie. But you don’t have to suck my dick, never, okay? Hell, Gloria says “fuck off” about ten times to one and I keep going back to see her. I’ll come back for that lemon cake or just for some real talk like this … or ’cause I feel good when I’m with you… But you don’t have to suck my dick to keep my friendship … now or ever.”

I felt something that might have been shame or tears roiling up, wasn’t sure which but I couldn’t sit there without touching him. I moved around the table and sank to the floor beside his chair, lay my face in his lap, against the thin and worn out jockeys and I reached around his narrow waist and locked my hands. His touch came to my shoulders. He rubbed my back, leaned down to kiss the back of my neck.

“Donnie, Donnie … stop it … don’t do that, not now … I don’t think we’re ready … This ain’t the time … ahh, man … oh, shit!”

Not so slow off the mark this morning. He popped a boner like a teenage kid. I chewed on the head right through his shorts … well, until he shoved them down, then he was reaching under me, grunting for the effort and his belly pressed against my head but he reached me. He grabbed my cock and held on fast while I sucked him in deep and rode up and down the elevator. Going down!

..................................... jackertoo@aol.com