A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my lover when he sliced his ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had...
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the...
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home...
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day!" "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same Six double vodka drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just...
A blind guy who’s become rather intoxicated in a local gay bar, decides to make Himself known to his new found patrons, and announces loudly, “Hey, ya’ll wanna hear a really great blond joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond...
As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One Sunday morning, the...
An older gay man asks his husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" he asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, he asks his husband if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"...
One night two men both at a gay bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the first man says to his new found friend, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The other doctor agrees to it. So they go back to his place and he goes in the...
An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the saloon. He was a giant of a man with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why he was carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small chicken in the other. "I'll have a whiskey," he told the bartender, and after downing the shot, Brown Elk ordered another. Then another. Finally, after his fourth drink, the Indian pulled...
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter, with a great big smile on his face. Dave says, "John what are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said, 'Sure you can...
Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One of the trees says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other tree says that he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that sapling is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" ...
A little old man, well into his eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on his feet, he Shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, he asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?" The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:...
A man enters a gay bar and while sitting at his table, notices an absolutely gorgeous man sitting at another table--alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to the hunk, knowing that if he accepts it, he will be his for the night. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the hunk , saying this is from the...
This guy has a blond friend who can never seem to laid, so he decides to take him to New Orleans for a day of sin and frolic. He drops the blond off at his hotel, and tells him where all the best gay bars are in the French Quarter—literally a dozen to choose from, starting on Bourbon Street, like Pub on Bourbon, Parade Disco, Oz, etc. and informs him he is going to visit with an...
Penis Humor: The Excedrin Penis: It's thhhhhiiiiiisssss big. The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing... Taste is everything. The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you. The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't get up!! The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it... The Tootsie Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...??? The M&M's Penis: Melts in your mouth--- not in your ...
More Penis Humor: The Flinstones' Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growing The Wendy's Penis: Where's the beef?!?!? The Folger's Penis: The best part of waking up is Penis in your cup. The Lays Penis: Betcha can't eat just one. The Diet Coke Penis: Just for the taste of it... The Big Red Penis: It's longer with Big Red. The Robitussin Penis II: It's recommended by Dr....
A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick." The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?" The man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money grow I like to play with my money And next time my lover wants to blow a hundred bucks, he won't have...
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought...
A man went into a pharmacy on Polk Street in San Francisco, and asked to talk to the pharmacist. The guy he was talking to said that he was the pharmacist and that he and his lover owned the store. He then asked if there was something he could help the man with. The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a huge cock which is permanently erect and causes me a lot...
My balls are called Proctor and Gamble--the holy brothers. Like good saints they don't stay in place and even my canvas sack won't contain them. They tell me "the time" and hope that I will get them some work. To do this I simply turn off my brain and then they set to work releasing all of the springs that pop my dingle to all jangle. Their work on a given job is completed when...
FOUR DIRTY LITTLE LIMERICKS By Cuddle Bear Some of these are original to me, some I’ve modified for your pleasure and some are just good.. A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, to whom. (Say this one aloud in your best fake British accent. It works!) A lusty young Bottom of...
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of John’s sexual orientation, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading...
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of Florida to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode...
There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", To which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy...
| Query Template: ../../_dracula/_dracula_0.0.4.04/CFCs/db_stories/storyToCategory.cfc:31 Execution Time: 20.7 ms Record Count: 170 Cached: No Datasource: ds_stories Lazy: No SQL: SELECT tbl_story.storyID ,tbl_story.storyTitle ,tbl_story.storySummary ,tbl_story.isEditorsChoice ,tbl_story.dateCreated ,tbl_story.isApproved ,tbl_author.authorID ,tbl_author.authorDisplayName FROM tbl_story INNER JOIN tbl_storyToCategory ON tbl_storyToCategory.storyID = tbl_story.storyID INNER JOIN tbl_author ON tbl_author.authorID = tbl_story.fgn_authorID WHERE tbl_storyToCategory.categoryID = 8066 AND tbl_author.isApproved = 'Y' ORDER BY tbl_story.dateCreated desc; | |||||||||
| storyID | storyTitle | storySummary | isEditorsChoice | dateCreated | isApproved | authorID | authorDisplayName | ||
| 1 | 312451 | Enjoying the Chance | Had plans to take break from work as businessman in New York City for two months. He’d deciding to travel all over USA by driving his rented car, green military jeep Cherokee sport, in the cool days. He informed his business partners that he won’t be back until he would be ready to return to work again. Pretty excited for his journey on the traveling to see what’s up with those cities. On | N | {ts '2017-11-23 19:53:49'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio | |
| 2 | 312359 | Stupid Decision | Curious about Las Vegas the guy visited for first time on his own in hot afternoon, those sceneries blew Lawos Favoi away. Everything had impossible for him to figure out how the engineers designed those masterpieces. The billion dollar casinos just looked so incredible. Before he went to one of them, he decided to go to the agency for sign up to being amateur gay porn actor. The poor-looking | N | {ts '2017-08-08 19:06:52'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio | |
| 3 | 312238 | Funny Joe | Inside Joe’s British home with large yard in United Kingdom at the 6’o’clock in the evening for just celebrated his birthday. His friends have been invited over to party his birthday. Joe was very excited about it because he had good year as he was very busy to make name for himself to entertain someone as if he wanted to be comedian. He was very hilarious by made funny faces and silly | N | {ts '2017-03-02 19:42:07'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio | |
| 4 | 312143 | President's Son | The dark evening at Harvard University, invitees, from other Greek communities, were there to party in frat house as they just wanna have fun, like they liked to be wild for once. One guy was extremely important person to Greek communities because he was son of President Victor Nino in 2032 A.C. They did something what Jerry Nino want to as if he influenced them. For Jerry’s appearance, he | N | {ts '2016-11-08 14:38:58'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio | |
| 5 | 311684 | A Naked Motorcyclist | In Germany at 11-o-clock at morning in quiet town, there was one sexy blonde German guy named Friedhelm waited for his friends to come to his house for just hang out. He had ideas about fun he could entertain with his friends to win any kinds of it. In the appearance of Friedhelm, he was 5’11” tall, 21 years old, lean fit build, had buzz cut as hairstyle. He just read the motorcycle magazine | N | {ts '2015-10-15 12:06:19'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio | |
| 6 | 311315 | Erroneous Buddies | On Friday at night time in West Hollywood, his gay friends and Irving went to very new huge bathhouse club that has lots of Jacuzzis for good time. They arrived at there and got VIP tickets by paid for 6 people to partying and get warm in hot tub as the individual room as if they already make reservation before anyone took over. “Let me guiding you to room, my bro,” hot black host friendly | N | {ts '2014-11-27 18:23:09'} | Y | 88179 | Stepiquno Toglio | |
| 7 | 311268 | Ask the Doctor, Part 4 | Ask the Doctor, Part 4 -This is a fictional story.Dear Doc: Last night, I proposed to the girl of my dreams (we’ve dated for over six months). She said “yes”, provided we do a “test drive” in the bedroom, as she need to know I could “perform.” That’s all fine and dandy, but I signed a pledge six years ago when I was eighteen that I would not engage in sexual relations until I was married | N | {ts '2014-10-25 16:06:37'} | Y | 77171 | blindside | |
| 8 | 309859 | sucking jake 2 | i take your manhood in my mouthdeep kissing your cockoh sweet bliss your soft membergrowing to fill my oral adorationand then the whole shaft pressinginto the welcome of wet desireflexing to soft tissue & withdrawnonly to know all anew all anew | N | {ts '2013-01-23 03:45:06'} | Y | 88143 | sucbud | |
| 9 | 309636 | Ask the Doctor, Part 3 | Ask the Doctor, Part 3 -This is a fictional story. Enjoy!Dear Doc: Why can’t I piss and poop at the same time? Signed, Yellow & BrownDear Yellow & Brown: You’re an idiot. Next question please.Dear Doctor: When I married my husband, I knew he was “small”, if you get my meaning. While I don’t have a lot of complaints in the bedroom, I would like to experience a “larger” man. | N | {ts '2012-11-08 13:19:54'} | Y | 77171 | blindside | |
| 10 | 309626 | Just One Last Dance... | Just one last dance....oh baby...just one last dance We meet in the night in the Spanish café I look in your eyes just don't know what to say It feels like I'm drowning in salty water A few hours left 'til the sun's gonna rise tomorrow will come an it's time to realize our love has finished forever how I wish to come with you (wish to come with you) how I wish we make it | N | {ts '2012-10-31 12:39:04'} | Y | 88144 | 20032012 | |
| 11 | 309623 | sucking jake | it starts with the siren call of your bulge sleeping man meat enfolded with swollen nutsacksteeped in the manscent and warmth in themoist fabric hothouse of your underwear my tongue finding the tip of your cocklicking first taste of your male partsdarting inside loose briefs - peeling covering awaymy nose at home in soft curls of cock's crownlicking your balls and | N | {ts '2012-10-30 11:42:35'} | Y | 88143 | sucbud | |
| 12 | 307567 | 2 THIRTY-FIVE YEAR OLD GUYS | Two thirty five year old guys on opposite sides of the world are thinking the EXACT same thing:One guy is walking a tightrope between the 50th floors of 2 New York city skyscapers. The second guy is in Japan and is getting a blow job from a toothless 85 year old woman.What are the 2 guys both thinking?..........................Don't look | N | {ts '2010-09-27 20:28:42'} | Y | 86654 | bobapple | |
| 13 | 307518 | Song of love | CANTICLENaked he lies Across my thighs.Strong arms close him round. Soft cheek restUpon my breast.As my handSoft, silky skin adore. Love too does caress,The young smooth chest. Stretched long legsI part, and spread.To him who ready rears, I whisper in his ears,”My handsome boy,My sweet, sweet love”.I see surrender, Without no condition,But trust in love | N | {ts '2010-09-11 08:40:18'} | Y | 79566 | alfredo247 | |
| 14 | 304874 | False or True? | Well a little game for you - wanna find out what's true in this story and which parts are just fiction or where I add some fantasies? Guess and write to me you guessing - you will get the answers and some explanations ;-) Ready, Steady GOOOO!!! ...and then was this day in San Francisco - I met a guy in a club. We met because i forgot to pull away the prize from my new A+F-shirt and so we | N | {ts '2008-02-09 16:27:56'} | Y | 83517 | guschti | |
| 15 | 303319 | The Wad | I shot my wad into the air, If fell to earth I cared not where. Then my master came round, And showed me where my wad was found. Now I do not dare, (ouch) To shoot more wads into the | N | {ts '2006-07-15 02:32:52'} | Y | 81834 | Draconum | |
| 16 | 303036 | Learning to Pee Joke | This is a joke I heard a long time ago. Before I told it to guys, I would ask them if they were cut. If they said yes, I would tell them they have to remember that this little boy is uncut or they won't understand the joke. If they said no, I would tell them good, they will understand the story with no problem. (This also gave me the chance to find out if they were cut or uncut -- killing two | N | {ts '2006-04-20 16:38:01'} | Y | 82654 | David Johns | |
| 17 | 302248 | Eight- and Nine-Inch Drills | Ad placed by Andre (9 slender inches) and Mike (8 thick inches) in the local weekly newspaper: - - - - Power Drills: GBM’s, Strong, hard, silent eight- and nine-inch power drills seek tight BWM or SWM who seeks filled fantasy experience for multiple drill role play says-no-but-wants-yes bottom. Call Mike at 945-6036. - - - - Ad Rob saw instead in the local weekly newspaper and decided | N | {ts '2005-10-06 01:30:36'} | Y | 80842 | Habu | |
| 18 | 302035 | Elementary, Snidely | “But I don’t understand how you can just stand here, out on this beach, and declare that Jason Dunn has run away with his college football offensive team coach and lost his virginity, Doctor Klein. The Dunn’s paid us to find their son, and I very much doubt they will be amused with the elaborate and very offensive story you’ve come up with by way of explanation.” “It’s elementary, Snidely. And | N | {ts '2005-08-20 19:12:52'} | Y | 80842 | Habu | |
| 19 | 301354 | Skelton's Tips For a Lasting Marriage | 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesday's, I go on Friday's. 2. We also sleep in separate beds, hers is in California and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere...but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long | N | {ts '2005-03-24 07:55:00'} | Y | 79612 | dead serious | |
| 20 | 301041 | Valentine's Day Gifts | By Tom Dolby (Out Magazine, February 2005) No holiday bring on more gift-giving anxiety than Valentine’s Day. The meaning of a gift can change depending on how long you’ve been together and the dynamics of your relationship. Here’s a sampling of a few Valentine’s Day gifts and the mixed messages they may send: 1. A humorous e-valentine. Appropriate after 3 days. A. “We don’t need to | N | {ts '2005-01-17 14:55:57'} | Y | 80212 | tongueincheeks | |
| 21 | 300992 | Why It's Great To Be a Man | Why it's Great to be a Man... You can kill your own food Phone conversations last only 30 seconds A five day vacation requires only one suitcase Bathroom lines are 80% shorter You can open all your own jars Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying You can go to the | N | {ts '2005-01-08 05:17:13'} | Y | 80212 | tongueincheeks | |
| 22 | 300881 | The Night BF X-mas | 'Twas the night B-F Christmas 'Twas a night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a keyboard was stirring, not even a mouse; The Topmen well hung, by the meatrack with care, In hopes that some good bottoms soon would be there; The jockers were nestled all snug in their punks, While sugar-plum fairies gave head, swallowed spunks; My bottom in bed, and I in my cap, I set on | N | {ts '2004-12-20 13:17:18'} | Y | 79800 | Johntheuser | |
| 23 | 300810 | Some Like It Cool | Some Like It Cool ... donnie d bellew It’s Monday and I’ve decided today my favorite flavor is white trash. I may not remember tomorrow so I’m writing it down today. Other times it’s been black street punks and sometimes blond teenage boys (eighteen and over, yeah-right) ... much earlier it was gray fatherly men with shameful pink secrets or tanned pin-up guys with black tank top pecs | N | {ts '2004-12-03 12:43:42'} | Y | 80084 | don bellew | |
| 24 | 300615 | Plant Therapy | It's four in the morning/ I can't get to sleep/ Out here, in the desert, it's hotter than (bleep) So, I'm out in the garden/ Like nature intended/ Plugged into the power with a cord that's extended This dial-up modem seems slow as molasses/ But it shows me the guys all alone or in masses I bet they can't sleep now/ They look really hot/ (But I'm just about ready to give it a | N | {ts '2004-10-15 16:33:45'} | Y | 79751 | LykemLatino | |
| 25 | 300563 | And God Created Man...And Woman | God was sitting around one day, exhausted after having created the world. But, He was bored and wanted a new challenge. Accordingly, He called his trusted advisors together for a conference. Their names are Tom, Dick, and Harry. “Okay guys, listen up!” said God, having the undivided attention of his advisors, “We need a new challenge. Any suggestions?” “Well,” said Tom, “How ‘bout we | N | {ts '2004-09-24 10:01:57'} | Y | 77171 | blindside | |
| 26 | 300557 | And God Created Man...and Woman | God was sitting around one day, exhausted after having created the world. But, He was bored and wanted a new challenge. Accordingly, He called his trusted advisors together for a conference. Their names are Tom, Dick, and Harry. “Okay guys, listen up!” said God, having the undivided attention of his advisors, “We need a new challenge. Any suggestions?” “Well,” said Tom, “How ‘bout we | N | {ts '2004-09-23 16:39:34'} | Y | 77171 | blindside | |
| 27 | 300538 | Mystery Man | Maybe he's Ebony Maybe he's White Maybe he's Greek or Latino Sometimes a Mystr'y Man's better by far Than the day-to-day strangers that we | N | {ts '2004-09-20 19:15:07'} | Y | 79751 | LykemLatino | |
| 28 | 300382 | Service With a Smile | The station attendant sold gas, But he did it with style and class. His name-tag said "Chuck". He was a hot Latin buck, And he pumped a huge load up my | N | {ts '2004-08-21 16:02:25'} | Y | 79751 | LykemLatino | |
| 29 | 300038 | Perfect Beauty | Perfect Beauty You are perfect beauty and looking into your soft soulful eyes I see the men that I could be. We kiss and the taste of your lips is the nectar that sustains my life. You wrap your strong arms about my waist and I understand the meaning of safety. I nuzzle your neck and the aroma of your skin intoxicates me while the stubbled growth of your cheek electrifies my | N | {ts '2004-06-09 16:24:06'} | Y | 79474 | vallen | |
| 30 | 298890 | Just One Man's Opinon | Two old men decided they are close to their last days on earth and thought they'd have one last night on the town. After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first two rooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. Those two are so old and drunk; I am not wasting two of my girls on them. They | N | {ts '2003-10-27 07:59:48'} | Y | 72425 | Sparky | |
| 31 | 298472 | Hunter's Revenge | Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder; he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "Don, you’ve got two choices: either I maul you to death or we have sex." Don decided to bend over. After two weeks of feeling sore, Don recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on | N | {ts '2003-08-07 08:54:08'} | Y | 72425 | Sparky | |
| 32 | 298039 | Favorite Graffitti | I didn't come here to take a shit, I'm looking for a MAN with a big, hairy dick I can lick on, suck on, fondle and stroke Until he spews forth his hot, creamy load. I didn't come here to piss or pass gas, I'm looking for a MAN with a tight, hairy ass- hole that puckers and twitches when I give it a lick or tongue-bathe his balls and deep-throat his dick. I didn't come here just to | N | {ts '2003-05-04 11:17:54'} | Y | 77789 | Mr_B8 | |
| 33 | 297916 | Name That Member--Please! | This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But what the heck, he thought that he really wanted (and needed) a drink. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the | N | {ts '2003-04-14 10:28:40'} | Y | 77022 | JockCeman | |
| 34 | 297913 | Name THAT Member, Please! | This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But what the heck, he thought that he really wanted (and needed) a drink. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the | N | {ts '2003-04-14 00:27:51'} | Y | 77022 | JockCeman | |
| 35 | 297825 | Erection Correction | There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that he can cure the man. The doctor tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he | N | {ts '2003-03-24 09:14:51'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 36 | 297719 | 50th Anniversary | 50th Aniversary Two elderly lovers were celebrating their 50th anniversary, with a friend at the bar. The friend suggests they return to the little town where they first met. "I'll drive you" he offers, "you guys are always talking about the place, it would be nice to go back and visit". So off they go. They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the friend about their | N | {ts '2003-02-25 15:13:08'} | Y | 73015 | OH YEAH!!! | |
| 37 | 297717 | Gay Translation Guide | Gay Translations Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I need you. My hand is tired. I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and | N | {ts '2003-02-25 15:04:41'} | Y | 74456 | alone | |
| 38 | 297716 | Penis Poem | The Penis Poem My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches | N | {ts '2003-02-25 15:00:36'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 39 | 297715 | Two Fleas | Two Fleas One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just | N | {ts '2003-02-25 14:57:23'} | Y | 72741 | Aramis | |
| 40 | 297714 | Blowing Smoke | Blowing Smoke Three guys are arrested in an adult bookstore and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand: "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "And why were you arrested?" the judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy | N | {ts '2003-02-25 14:50:27'} | Y | 74453 | Dimmy | |
| 41 | 297377 | Getting the Finger | Man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a huge hole in my ass" The doctors says, "Drop your pants, bend over and let me have a look". "Fuck me!" says the doctor, "What could have made a hole as big as that?" Patient replies, "I was fucked by an elephant". The doctor says, "An elephant's penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous". Patient replies, "He fingered me | N | {ts '2003-01-03 01:04:46'} | Y | 77022 | JockCeman | |
| 42 | 292953 | Men's Personals Ads Dictionary | 40-ish..........................….52 and looking for 25-yr-oldAthletic.............. ............Watches a lot of FootballAverage looking...........…..Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & backEducated.....................…..Will patronize the shit out of you.Free Spirit....................…..Banging your brother.Friendship first.............…..As long as friendship | N | {ts '2002-10-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72425 | Sparky | |
| 43 | 291100 | Gay Friends | Gay friends are just like buttcheeks: Through all the crap they always stay together. Unless, of course, a dick or a john comes between them. | N | {ts '2002-09-13 00:00:00'} | Y | 74003 | Jack meuff | |
| 44 | 287144 | Martini Sermon | The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?" The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest | N | {ts '2002-02-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 45 | 287450 | The Confession | "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?""Yes, Father, it is.""And who was the woman you were with?""Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.""Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?""I | N | {ts '2002-02-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 46 | 292749 | Marketing 101 | You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and gethis telephone number. The next day | N | {ts '2002-02-05 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 47 | 287834 | A Few Zen Thoughts... | Save the whales. Collect the whole set.A day without sunshine is like, night.On the other hand, you have different fingers.42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.Honk if you love peace and quiet.Remember, half the people you know are below average.He | N | {ts '2002-02-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 48 | 291509 | Hollywood Squares Answers | These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. These are from the old Hollywood Squares show in the 70's... Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: George | N | {ts '2002-02-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 49 | 287681 | 15 Pieces of Advice | 15 Pieces of Advice to be Passed On—or Passed Over!1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? - You shut the door.3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there?4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.5. Go for younger men. You might as well - | N | {ts '2002-01-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 50 | 286907 | Careful What You Say | An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the | N | {ts '2002-01-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 51 | 287976 | A Matter Of Economy | A couple, age 68, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"The man said, "Doctor, will you watch us have intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $10.00.This happened for several weeks in a row. The couple would make | N | {ts '2001-09-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 52 | 295568 | Texas Bragging Rights | In a Texas bar, the bartender Fred was fed up with penis-boasting from the regulars. So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them, "Whip 'em out!"Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar to begin measuring all the exposed cocks. Just then a gay guy walks into the bar. Fred asks the man if there is something that he can get for him. The gay guy replies, "I was going to | N | {ts '2001-09-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 53 | 295084 | Sonnet To Axilla | Sonnet to Axilla Oh dewey depth, where pecs and lats conspire, converge to form a hallowed hollow A grotto gracious Nature would bestow, where it's its wont to glow and to perspire, To intoxicate and then inspire. In damp confinement tangled gardens grow With vines and bushes no botanies know A hidden jungle temple of desire Each Paradise with | N | {ts '2001-09-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 73122 | Paul | |
| 54 | 288451 | Alcohol Warnings We'd Like to See | The FDA decided to place different kinds of warnings on all alcohol products to let customers know the risks involved:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants..WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a | N | {ts '2001-08-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 55 | 287545 | Timber! | A lady from California bought a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she eared the top, she found a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, she slid down the tree and got many splinters in her private parts.In a lot of pain, she | N | {ts '2001-08-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 56 | 286877 | Better Late Than Never | A ninety-year-old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment,where they got it on. ("The | N | {ts '2001-08-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 57 | 295958 | The Little Old Lady And The Bank President | The Old Lady An The Bank PresidentA little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to the | N | {ts '2001-08-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon | |
| 58 | 287682 | 15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend | 15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend1. He wants to leave the club separately and meet you at the donut store.2. He insists on going to YOUR car.3. He wants to dance in the BACK of the club BEHIND the speakers.4. He wants YOUR phone number, but won’t give you his.5. He has to drop someone off BEFORE he can come to your place.6. He says he’s ALONE, but keeps looking around. | N | {ts '2001-08-20 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 59 | 294277 | Pissed | A man on a construction site 30 floors up had to go to the bathroom. He approached his foreman and told him that he was going down to use the facilities. The foreman told him he was crazy. By the time he got down and back he'd lose a half hour of time. The foreman pushed a plank out over the edge of the building. He stood on one end and told the guy to go out on the other end | N | {ts '2001-08-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 60 | 287165 | Mind Your Hands... | One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" | N | {ts '2001-08-10 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 61 | 286850 | Ancient Chinese Wisdom | Ancient Chinese Wisdom:Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano; wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Man who | N | {ts '2001-08-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon | |
| 62 | 287567 | Very Funny Joke | A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit! 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit! 9Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs | N | {ts '2001-08-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon | |
| 63 | 287854 | A Funny Frog Joke | A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit! 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit! 9Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs | N | {ts '2001-08-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72056 | Anon | |
| 64 | 287473 | The Gift | The GiftA young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of | N | {ts '2001-07-13 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 65 | 291724 | I Need To Know | I NEED TO KNOWI hope I'm not lateLittle that I knowOutside your gateVulnerable to the unknownYour eyes keep you from seeingOur worldly devicesUnderneath your feetBeckoning surprisesUndoubting wonders Take you aroundWill not stop at anythingIsolation to be foundLock after lockLike a small jailWill never find the keysAnother small taleIntruders to the mindTest our | N | {ts '2001-07-05 00:00:00'} | Y | 74265 | Archangel | |
| 66 | 292588 | Looking for a golfball... | What's the difference between looking for a golfball and Lady Godiva?Answer: One is a hunt on a course; the other is... (this is a | N | {ts '2001-07-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 74631 | kDagnall | |
| 67 | 287280 | Opportunity Knocks | A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going.She replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas." He questioned her as to why she was going, and she told him, "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free." He pondered that for a while, went into the house, packed his | N | {ts '2001-06-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 68 | 291425 | Hell | One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:Demon: Why so glum, chum?Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?Guy: Sure, I love to drink.Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. | N | {ts '2001-06-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 69 | 287589 | What? 30 Years and No Watch? | George, the postman, was retiring after 30 years. And today was the LAST day on his route.As he approached Mrs. Smith's residence, she opened the door and said: "Oh, George! I think it is SO wonderful! Just think - 30 years on the job!" She took him by the arm and led him into the house. "Today, in celebration, I have a SURPRISE for you!" She sat him down at the dining room | N | {ts '2001-06-13 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 70 | 287080 | It's Never Too Late | Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen's residence. They met one day in the social center, and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted.They had a lovely evening and afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink. Things | N | {ts '2001-06-11 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 71 | 286961 | Donations Dilema | A girl got in line to donate blood at the local blood bank. She got to talking to the man in line in front of her and asked how often he donated blood.He corrected her, stating that he was there to donate sperm. Really, she said, how much do they pay for sperm donations?$50.00 the man stated. The girl replied that she only made $10.00 each time she donated blood. After the | N | {ts '2001-06-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 72 | 287103 | John and Joe Jones | Once there were twin brothers by the name of Jones. John Jones was married, and Joe Jones was single. The single brother Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat. It happened that John Jones' wife died the same day that Joe's rowboat filled with water and sank.A few days later, a kindly old lady met Joe and mistaken him for John said; "Oh Mr. Jones, I am sorry to hear | N | {ts '2001-06-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 73 | 295491 | Tavern Tipsy | From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a (supposedly) true story from Madison, Wisconsin.Recently a police patrol car routinely parked outside a local Neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officerquietly | N | {ts '2001-05-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 74 | 293998 | Ooops ! | A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving him the evening off to do as he pleased since they would be out until quite late. The couple went to a ball and dinner.After an hour an a half, the wife told her husband that she was bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next stay.The husband | N | {ts '2001-05-19 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 75 | 287278 | Ooops | Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night.He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole, and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to | N | {ts '2001-04-24 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 76 | 287279 | Ooops! | A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist whowas speeding down Main Street."But officer," the man began, "I can explain."A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer," the man began, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." | N | {ts '2001-04-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 77 | 296290 | Think Before You Speak... | A doctor and his lover are having an argument in the morning over breakfast and the doctor blurts out, "You know what? You're not that great in bed anyway!" So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to call his boyfriend and make amends....So he calls the house and the phone rings many, many times and then his lover finally answers the phone completely out of | N | {ts '2001-04-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 78 | 289768 | Confessional Humor | The newly ordained priest arrives at his first assignment and is getting settled in when the pastor asks him to take confessions on Saturday morning. To help him out, the pastor gives him a book with all possible sins, and suggested penances. So the young priest goes over to the church, goes into the box and begins hearing confessions. After the usual run, a voice from behind the | N | {ts '2001-03-28 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 79 | 295587 | That's nice... | Two police officers saw this old man staggering down the street. Stopping him, they can tell he has had far too much to drink and instead of taking him to jail they decide to just drive him home. They loaded him into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunken man. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the man where he lived, all he | N | {ts '2001-03-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 80 | 287730 | A Bargain Parrot | A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what happened to this parrot?""I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot.""Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood | N | {ts '2001-03-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 81 | 286779 | A Bargain Parrot | A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what happened to this parrot?""I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot.""Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood | N | {ts '2001-03-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 82 | 286822 | Absolut | A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish, anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 83 | 286934 | Communication's Everything | A doctor gave a 92-year-old man a physical exam. A few days later he happened to notice the man walking down the street with his arm around a gorgeous young woman and grinning from ear to ear. The next time he encountered the man, the doctor said, "You are really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you said, Doc," the man agreed. "You said, 'Get a hot mamma and be | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 84 | 289731 | Commumication's Essential | A doctor gave a 92-year-old man a physical exam. A few days later he happened to notice the man walking down the street with his arm around a gorgeous young man and grinning from ear to ear. The next time he encountered the man, the doctor said, "You are really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you said, Doc," the man agreed. "You said, 'Get a hot number and be | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 85 | 288258 | Absolut | A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish, anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." | N | {ts '2001-03-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 86 | 286878 | Better Late... | An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor."Not a chance", says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache.""No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."A week later | N | {ts '2001-03-15 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 87 | 292602 | Lost At Sea | Lost at SeaTwo Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, statedthat he | N | {ts '2001-03-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 88 | 290901 | Foul Cry Fowl | This middle-aged handsome and well groomed guy was in a pet shop, when he spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. He went to the shop owner and told him that he'd like to buy the bird as a surprise for his special friend. He said he would sell it to him, but he warned her that the bird had been brought up by some male prostitute in a brothel, and had | N | {ts '2001-03-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 89 | 287010 | Foul Mouthed Fowl | This lady was in a pet shop, when she spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. She went to the shop owner and told him that she'd like to buy the bird. He said he would sell it to her, but he warned her that the bird had been brought up by some chick in a brothel, and had picked up some of the lingo.The woman said that she'd still like to have to bird, | N | {ts '2001-03-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 90 | 293095 | Miss Queued | Young Bill was courting Miguel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Bill spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Miguel.He | N | {ts '2001-03-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 91 | 286990 | Eternal Damnation | A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman."That's unfair !" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.""Shut up!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. | N | {ts '2001-03-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 92 | 287263 | Night Court | It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge. Three hookers stood before him, all arrested on the same corner. He asked the first lady what she hadto say for herself.The woman was irate, "I don't know what all this is about, your Honor. I'm a college student doing research for a | N | {ts '2001-03-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 93 | 296398 | Top 45 Oxymorons | 45. Act naturally44. Found missing43. Resident alien42. Advanced BASIC41. Genuine imitation40. Airline Food39. Good grief38. Same difference37. Almost exactly36. Government organization35. Sanitary landfill34. Alone together33. Legally drunk32. Silent scream31. Living dead30. Small crowd29. Business ethics28. Soft rock27. Butt Head26. Military | N | {ts '2001-03-05 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 94 | 291306 | Grievance | GrievanceI, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the followingreasons:1) I do physical labor, I work at great depths2) I plunge head first into everything I do3) I do not get weekends off or public holidays4) I work in a damp environment5) I don't get paid overtime6) I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation7) I work in high temperatures8) My work | N | {ts '2001-03-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 95 | 290359 | Drinks & Personality | Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a man's personality based on what he drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.Drink: BeerPersonality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth. Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laidYour Approach: Challenge him to a game | N | {ts '2001-02-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 96 | 286968 | Drinks & Personalities | Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.Drink: BeerPersonality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.Drink: Blender DrinksPersonality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt.Your | N | {ts '2001-02-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 97 | 287585 | What Ever It Takes to Golf on Saturday | There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon but couldn't because of there wives, so one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said:"I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car | N | {ts '2001-02-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 98 | 286798 | A Horse and A Chicken | A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the chicken gets into thefarmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole.Wasting no time, the | N | {ts '2001-01-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 99 | 287901 | A Horse and a Rooster | A horse and a young rooster are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the little rooster to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rooster runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the rooster gets into thefarmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole.Wasting | N | {ts '2001-01-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 100 | 287109 | Just One of Those Days... | Dave's wife decides he deserves a special present for his birthday, so she takes him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"The wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Guinness.The | N | {ts '2001-01-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 101 | 296393 | Too Many Martini's | McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave."Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?""Nothing," said the Irishman, "my boyfriend just sent me out | N | {ts '2001-01-24 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 102 | 286851 | And Your Profession is... | A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at | N | {ts '2001-01-19 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 103 | 288582 | And Your Profession is... | A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at | N | {ts '2001-01-19 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 104 | 288524 | An Airline Story | The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was just as obviously enjoying himself at the same time.It was nearing the end of quite a long flight and the cockpit crew sounded two bells, indicating their final descent, signaling the cabin crew to prepare the cabin for landing.The gay flight attendant came swishing down the aisle, picked up the | N | {ts '2001-01-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 105 | 296686 | Viagra At Any Age | An elderly gentleman went to the local drugstore & asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each 1 into 4 pieces?" The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The elderly gentleman replied, "Oh, that's alright, I'm | N | {ts '2001-01-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 106 | 290605 | Every Dog Has His Day | George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea | N | {ts '2001-01-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 107 | 289085 | Birds! | A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.The shop owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because | N | {ts '2001-01-02 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 108 | 294303 | Please... | A man went to the doctor, and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to tell his lover and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked his lover if he would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course, Darling!" he replied. And so they had sex. Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to his lover again, and | N | {ts '2000-12-30 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 109 | 288856 | Banking Woes | A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fu%#in' checking account"To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?""Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu#%in' checking account right now.""Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the | N | {ts '2000-12-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 110 | 286870 | Banking Woes | A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fu%#in' checking account"To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?""Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu#%in' checking account right now.""Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the | N | {ts '2000-12-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 111 | 294831 | Selling It on Cellular | There were several men in the locker room of a private club, after exercising.Suddenly, a cell phone that was on one of the benches, rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:- "Hello?"- "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?"- "Yes."- "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy | N | {ts '2000-12-18 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 112 | 294740 | Santa's Had It With Straights ! | T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissedHe cussed out the elves and threw down his listMiserable little brats, ungrateful little jerksI have good mind to scrap the whole worksI've busted my ass for damn near a yearInstead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hearThe old lady bitches cause I work late at nightThe elves want more money - The reindeer all fightRudolph | N | {ts '2000-12-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 113 | 288155 | A Testament to Ineffective Communication | A man is lying in the hospital's urgent care facility on life support and in a coma. A couple nurses are in his room giving him a sponge bath, while his lover waits nervously outside.One of the nurses is in the midst of washing his 'private parts' and notices that there is a definite response on the monitor when she touches him. They go to the lover andexplain what just | N | {ts '2000-12-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 114 | 294866 | Settling In Together... | Mark met a handsome guy, Andy, and he decided he wanted to settle into a relationship right away.Andy said, "But we don't know anything about each other."Mark said, "That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along."So Andy consented, and they went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.So one morning they were lying by the pool, when Mark got up off ofhis towel, | N | {ts '2000-12-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 115 | 293691 | Naughty Limericks | 1There was a young man from Saint Source's,Whose cock was a big as a horse's.He'd suck on his meat,Before he would eat,And did it again between courses. 2There once was a boy from HawaiiWhose dick got too big for his fly.He yanked down the zipper,And pulled out his flipper,And it stood up and poked in his eye. 3There once was a boy with a dongWhich he fiddled with | N | {ts '2000-11-08 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne | |
| 116 | 290583 | Erotic Verses | I. New verses to: There was an Old man named Michael Finnegan There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.His favorite toy wa'nt made of tin again!When it stood up, then he would sin again.Wicked Michael Finnegan. Begin again.There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.His dong hung right down to his shin again.If I'm lucky I'll meet him again.Long-dong Michael Finnegan. | N | {ts '2000-11-08 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne | |
| 117 | 291235 | God vs Satan !! | A reading from the Book of Email, the third chapter, 5th verse(Email 3:5):In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.And Satan said, "Sheuuu, it don't get no better than this!" And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God Said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, | N | {ts '2000-11-07 00:00:00'} | Y | 74056 | Moses's Spiral Notebook | |
| 118 | 288293 | Adapted Folksongs | New Versions to Three Old Folksongsby Henry BayneI. New verses to: There was an Old man named Michael Finnegan There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.His favorite toy wa'nt made of tin again!When it stood up, then he would sin again.Wicked Michael Finnegan. Begin again.There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.His dong hung right down to his shin again.If | N | {ts '2000-11-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne | |
| 119 | 291105 | Gay Limericks | Some “Naughty” Limericks by Henry Bayne henrybayne@hotmail.com 1 There was a young man from Saint Source's, Whose cock was as big as a horse's. He'd suck on his meat, Before he would eat, And did it again between courses. 2 There once was a boy from Dubai Whose dick got too big for his fly. He yanked down the zipper, And pulled out his flipper, It | N | {ts '2000-11-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72608 | Henry Bayne | |
| 120 | 294141 | Peer Pressure | The other day, my friends and I decided to 'do' the town. We started out at our regular gay bar and wound up at a night club that had male strippers. We were all pretty loaded by this time.One of the guys wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be | N | {ts '2000-11-02 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 121 | 288074 | A Poor Choice of Words | A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened."Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with mylover when he sliced his ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticedone of the cows had | N | {ts '2000-11-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 122 | 295145 | Stature is Everything | A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two femaleteachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn aboutthoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it wasdecided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys wouldgo with the other.The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the | N | {ts '2000-10-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 123 | 290796 | First is Not Always Best | A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor.He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, trystartling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited totry this suggestion, he ran home | N | {ts '2000-10-23 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 124 | 288703 | As It Hits the Fan | A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day!" "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same Six double vodka drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just | N | {ts '2000-10-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 125 | 289122 | Blondes | A blind guy who’s become rather intoxicated in a local gay bar, decides to makeHimself known to his new found patrons, and announces loudly,“Hey, ya’ll wanna hear a really great blond joke?”The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond | N | {ts '2000-10-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 126 | 290170 | Devine Golf | As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One Sunday morning, the | N | {ts '2000-10-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 127 | 293938 | Older And... | An older gay man asks his husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" he asks.He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."At lunch time, he asks his husband if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" | N | {ts '2000-10-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 128 | 294355 | Predictable | One night two men both at a gay bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the first man says to his new found friend,"Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."The other doctor agrees to it.So they go back to his place and he goes in the | N | {ts '2000-10-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 129 | 289298 | Brown Elk | An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the saloon. He was a giant of aman with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why hewas carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small chicken in the other."I'll have a whiskey," he told the bartender, and after downing theshot, Brown Elk ordered another. Then another. Finally, after his fourthdrink, the Indian pulled | N | {ts '2000-10-08 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 130 | 296467 | Trouble With Crusin' | Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter, with a great big smile on his face. Dave says, "John what are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said, 'Sure you can | N | {ts '2000-10-06 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 131 | 295082 | Son of A ... | Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One of the trees says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other tree says that he cannot tell.Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that sapling is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" | N | {ts '2000-10-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 132 | 291433 | Helping the Hopless | A little old man, well into his eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on his feet, heShakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, he asks the sales clerk:"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: | N | {ts '2000-10-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 133 | 288064 | A Note From Hell | A man enters a gay bar and while sitting at histable, notices an absolutely gorgeous man sitting at another table--alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle ofchampagne to be sent over to the hunk, knowing that if he accepts it,he will be his for the night.The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over tothe hunk , saying this is from the | N | {ts '2000-09-27 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 134 | 289120 | Blond Holiday | This guy has a blond friend who can never seem to laid, so he decides to take him to New Orleans for a day of sin and frolic.He drops the blond off at his hotel, and tells him where all thebest gay bars are in the French Quarter—literally a dozen to choose from, starting on Bourbon Street, like Pub on Bourbon, Parade Disco, Oz, etc. and informs him he is going to visit with an | N | {ts '2000-09-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 135 | 294180 | Penis Humor | Penis Humor:The Excedrin Penis: It's thhhhhiiiiiisssss big.The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing... Taste is everything.The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you.The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't get up!!The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it...The Tootsie Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...???The M&M's Penis: Melts in your mouth--- not in your | N | {ts '2000-09-14 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 136 | 293151 | More Penis Humor | More Penis Humor:The Flinstones' Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growingThe Wendy's Penis: Where's the beef?!?!?The Folger's Penis: The best part of waking up is Penis in your cup.The Lays Penis: Betcha can't eat just one.The Diet Coke Penis: Just for the taste of it...The Big Red Penis: It's longer with Big Red.The Robitussin Penis II: It's recommended by Dr. | N | {ts '2000-09-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 137 | 287631 | $100 Bill | A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick."The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why wouldyou want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?" The man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money growI like to play with my moneyAnd next time my lover wants to blow a hundred bucks, he won't have | N | {ts '2000-09-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 138 | 294954 | Shopping Surprise | A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought | N | {ts '2000-09-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 139 | 296051 | The Perfect Prescription | A man went into a pharmacy on Polk Street in San Francisco, and asked to talk to the pharmacist. The guy he was talking to said that he was the pharmacist and that he and his lover owned the store. He then asked if there was something he could help the man with.The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a huge cock which is permanently erect and causes me a lot | N | {ts '2000-09-04 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 140 | 293249 | My Balls | My balls are called Proctor and Gamble--the holy brothers. Like good saints they don't stay in place and even my canvas sack won't contain them. They tell me "the time" and hope that I will get them some work. To do this I simply turn off my brain and then they set to work releasing all of the springs that pop my dingle to all jangle. Their work on a given job is completed when | N | {ts '2000-09-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 72228 | Dale Hart | |
| 141 | 290905 | Four Dirty Little Limericks | FOUR DIRTY LITTLE LIMERICKSBy Cuddle BearSome of these are original to me, some I’ve modified for your pleasure and some are just good..A pansy who lived in KhartoumTook a lesbian up to his room.And they argued all nightOver who had the rightTo do what, and with which, to whom.(Say this one aloud in your best fake British accent. It works!)A lusty young Bottom of | N | {ts '2000-09-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 73924 | Cuddle Bear | |
| 142 | 287931 | A John's Mother | John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of John’s sexual orientation, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading | N | {ts '2000-08-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 143 | 290871 | Florida--Flea Paradise | One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of Florida to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, thesecond flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode | N | {ts '2000-08-30 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 144 | 289834 | Cowboy Meets Indian | There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?",To which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy | N | {ts '2000-08-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 145 | 289773 | Construction Sign Language | Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods | N | {ts '2000-08-28 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 146 | 291683 | I Didn't Inhale | I’m not a threat, or I at least seem like a rather nice guy to those women who work in the adult entertainment industry. I don’t really know what they think because I haven’t asked, and really wouldn’t know how to phrase the question. Simply put, I went to the Colorado (a gentlemen’s club) last night and enjoyed it, but unlike my earlier years of going to such establishments I | N | {ts '2000-08-25 00:00:00'} | Y | 73311 | Tony Ratliff | |
| 147 | 296048 | The Penis Poem | My nookie days are overMy pilot light is outWhat used to be my sex appealIs now my water spout.Time was when, on its own accordFrom my trousers it would springBut now I've got a full-time jobTo find the blasted thing.It used to be embarrassingThe way it would behaveFor every single morningIt would stand and watch me shave.Now as old age approachesIt sure gives me the | N | {ts '2000-08-25 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 148 | 296789 | Well Hung Leprechaun | While taking a leak a young man noticed little man with a big green hat at the next urinal and the man was hung like a horse.Well the little man looked over and said "Do you like the look of this?""Wow" said the young man."Well" said the little man "I am a Leprechaun and I can make you this well hung by magic.""How' replied the young guy."Well I put this up inside you and | N | {ts '2000-08-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 76225 | Queen of the Irish | |
| 149 | 294569 | Revenge Takes Its Toll | A man came home just in time to find his lover in bed withanother man. In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He then secured it tightly and removed the handle.Next he picked up a hacksaw.The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going tocut it off are you?"The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, | N | {ts '2000-08-16 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 150 | 291175 | Getting Old Sucks... | When I went to lunch today, I noticed this ol boy about 75-80 years sitting on a bench near the Food Court and he was sobbing her eyes out.I stopped and asked him what was wrong.He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. He makes love to me everymorning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshlyground, brewed coffee."I said: "Well, then why are you | N | {ts '2000-08-15 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 151 | 292599 | Lost & Found | Gary recently lost his lover after a tragic skiing accident. He had him cremated and brought his ashes home with him. Picking up the urn that he was in, Gary poured his lovers ashes out on the counter. Then, while tracing his fingers in the ashes, he started talking to him."Stan, you stupid old fool, skiing at your age........." He lowered hisvoice to a whisper, and with a | N | {ts '2000-08-03 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 152 | 289844 | Creative Banking | This is reported to be an actual letter sent to a Bank in the US. The Bankthought it amusing enough to publish it in their newsletter:Dear Sir:I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I tried to paymy plumber last month. By my calculations, some three nanoseconds must haveelapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account ofthe funds | N | {ts '2000-08-02 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 153 | 287810 | A Dying Confession | Jake was dying. His lover, Bob, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. He held his fragile hand, tears running down his face. His praying roused Jake from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Bob," he whispered. "Hush, my love," Bob said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."He was insistent. "Bob," he said in his tired voice. "I....I | N | {ts '2000-07-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 154 | 295545 | Tennessee Degree | A young man graduated from the University of Tennessee with a degreein journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired himwas to write a human interest story. Being from Tennessee, he went backto the country to do his research. He went to an old farmer's house wayback in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and proceeded to explain to him why he was there. | N | {ts '2000-07-31 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 155 | 291835 | In Mourning | Mark lost his lover almost four years ago in a tragic motor accident, and still has not gotten out of his depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. A close friend is constantly calling him and urging him to get back into the world. Finally, Mark says he'd go out, but didn't know anyone. His friend immediately replies, "Mark I have someone for you to meet, Steve, a | N | {ts '2000-07-26 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 156 | 294194 | Perception | A man walks into his local gay bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again andasks for another beer. This happens about another seven timesbefore the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in yourpocket?"The man replies, "I have a picture of my lover in | N | {ts '2000-07-24 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 157 | 294994 | Size Matters | A few days after Jack met Woody, he had his name tattooed onhis penis to show him how much he loved him. When erect, the namewas fully visible; but when deflated, it read "Wy".Woody was delighted with Jack's "special emblem of devotion."Later in the year they decide to go to Jamaica for their vacation.Their hotel had three beaches, one traditional, one nudist, and onegay | N | {ts '2000-07-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 158 | 291817 | Improvise When All Else Fails | Steven was in bed with his boyfriend when he heard his lover opening the front door."Hurry!" he said, "Stand in the corner." He quickly rubbed baby oil all over theboyfriend and then he dusted him with talcum powder."Don't move until I tell you to." he whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue.""What's this, Stevie?" the lover asked as he entered the room."Oh, it's just a | N | {ts '2000-07-21 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 159 | 290589 | Escaped Convict | A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and wason the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he foundin the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife tothe bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle hiswife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her headviolently, at which the man | N | {ts '2000-07-15 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 160 | 288579 | And So It Goes... | An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says... “And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou | N | {ts '2000-07-12 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 161 | 291237 | Going Down French Style | Going Down French-StylePierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his boyfriend,Jene, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautifulday and love is in the air. Jene leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre,kiss me!"Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Jene's lips."What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Jene."I am Pierre the | N | {ts '2000-07-11 00:00:00'} | Y | 72009 | Anonymous | |
| 162 | 287704 | 20 of the Best Things About Being Gay | 20 of the Best Things About Being Gay from the book 501 Great Things About Being Gay by Edward Taussig.1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.5. You | N | {ts '2000-07-10 00:00:00'} | Y | 72264 | Edward Taussig | |
| 163 | 293052 | Mike Meets Joe | Mike met Joe at a gay nightclub, and Joe invited him back to his place for the night. When they arrived at Joes house, they went right into his bedroom. Mike saw that the room was filled with stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them all over the place. Giant stuffed animals were on top of the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals were on the bookshelf and on the window sill, | N | {ts '2000-06-22 00:00:00'} | Y | 73451 | Mikey | |
| 164 | 293832 | Not Too Straight Advice... | Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who opposed them. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. Eagles | N | {ts '1999-10-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One | |
| 165 | 296829 | What's Your Sign? | ASK CO-WORKERS WHICH YOU HATE WHAT THEIR SIGN IS--AND THEN, REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING...ENJOY HOROSCOPES by Adam Sandler Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22) | N | {ts '1999-10-09 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One | |
| 166 | 289900 | Cute One Liners | That's a nice pair of pants - Anyway I can talk you out of them? Your lips are like wine. I want to drink them! Excuse me is that a space suit you're wearing, because your ass is out of this world. Do you believe in love at first sight?...Or do I have to walk by again? Do you sleep on your stomach?...No?....Can I? Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cuz, I can | N | {ts '1999-10-01 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One | |
| 167 | 296402 | Top Ten Men On My List | 1. The Doctore--because he says, "Take off your clothes". 2. The Dentist--because he says, "open Wide". 3. The Hairdresser--because he says, "Do you want it teasted or blown?" 4. The Milkman--because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?" 5. The Interior Decorator--because he says, "Once you have it all in--you'll just love it!" 6. | N | {ts '1999-09-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One | |
| 168 | 294348 | Possible National Condom Week Slogans | 1. Cover your stump before U hump. 2. Before U attack 'er, wrap yer wacker! 3. Don't be silly, protect yer willy. 4. When in doubt, shroud yer spout. 5. Don't be a loner, cover yer boner. 6. You can't go wrong if U shield yer dong. 7. If yer not goin' to sack it, go home and whack it! 8. If U think he's spunky, cover | N | {ts '1999-09-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One | |
| 169 | 294018 | Oral Sex--An Ode To Love | Penis breath, a lover's dread... Is what you get when you give head... Unpleasant as it tends to be... Be greateful that he doesn't pee. It's times like this, you wonder why... You bothered reaching for his fly... But it's too late, can't be a tease... Accept the fact, get on your knees. You know you've | N | {ts '1999-09-29 00:00:00'} | Y | 73446 | Mouthy One | |
| 170 | 288283 | Adam & Eve | In this garden were two little leaves One covered Adam's One covered Eve's As the story goes on nevertheless to say The wind came align and blew the leaves away At the sight Adam did stare There was Eve's treasure All covered with hair And wonder came under Eve's eyes As Adam's thing started to rise They found a spot that suited them best A nice big tree where | N | {ts '1999-03-17 00:00:00'} | Y | 72540 | Rob | |
© 1995-2026 FREYA Communications, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.