My first time was with a school chum on a beat-up old sofa in his garage. It was all crazy, wild, and wonderful, until I ejaculated. Then all I could think of was how fast I could get home. I didn't want to be anywhere near this guy ever again, I was certain. But when I got home, I was sorry I left him. It was the same way the second time we did it. Afterwards, I wanted nothing more to do with him or sex. It wasn't that I felt shame; I don't remember ever experiencing that. What we did was just something that . . . I just didn't feel good about afterwards. Twenty minutes later, however a different story. I had to hear another gay guy tell the same story before I took up with my school chum again. And he surprised me telling me his side of the story---he wasn't all that thrilled about keeping me around, either. "Every time I'm alone with you I start wrestling with my hormones and always lose," he said. "Ten minutes later, I wish you and I were a thousand miles away from you. I don't understand this. I don't understand how my feelings bounce one way and then another, but they do. Maybe I'm not supposed to understand. All I know for sure is that someday, I'm going to have to tell my parents about you, about us, and that scares me to death. Is there anything I can do to make things a little easier? Is there anything any gay guy can do to make his life a little easier?" Those are the $64,000 questions, aren't they?
After a rather difficult divorce, I decided to crash my brother's annual New Years Eve party to have some fun. My wife leaving me for a younger man had upset me a little and I knew that the men at my brother's party would definitely enjoy watching a hairy, muscular straight stud prance around amongst them. Showing up at this door, I surprised my brother with a case of beer and
My first time was with a school chum on a beat-up old sofa in his garage. It was all crazy, wild, and wonderful, until I ejaculated. Then all I could think of was how fast I could get home. I didn't want to be anywhere near this guy ever again, I was certain. But when I got home, I was sorry I left him. It was the same way the second time we did it. Afterwards, I wanted
My feelings for my school chum grew. It was Ken I found attractive, never the guys around us. I didn't think it would be a problem if we continued the way we were going, but it was because of what I couldn't tell other people. I feared rejection by friends at school who were important to me. I feared rejection by my church-going mom. At services, I sat praying for God to give me
We caught up with our friends that night and had to lie to cover our tracks. We repeated that lie so many times to so many friends, I wondered if anyone really believed it. Of course, we ended up getting drunk and dependent upon someone else. I woke up the next morning in bed between two guys I wasn't sure I knew, and stumbled over four more on the floor before reaching the
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