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Anonymous
MenOnTheNet.com Erotic Stories
Anonymous has submitted 212 original stories to MenOnTheNet.com's Gay Erotic Stories. His original stories include:
- $100 Bill
- 15 Pieces of Advice
- 15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend
- A Bargain Parrot
- A Bargain Parrot
- Read more stories by Anonymous below.
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$100 Bill
A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick." The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?" The man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money grow I like to play with my money And next time my lover wants to blow a hundred bucks, he won't have...
15 Pieces of Advice
15 Pieces of Advice to be Passed On—or Passed Over! 1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? - You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there? 4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well -...
15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend
15 Signs He Already HAS a Boyfriend 1. He wants to leave the club separately and meet you at the donut store. 2. He insists on going to YOUR car. 3. He wants to dance in the BACK of the club BEHIND the speakers. 4. He wants YOUR phone number, but won’t give you his. 5. He has to drop someone off BEFORE he can come to your place. 6. He says he’s ALONE, but keeps looking around. ...
A Bargain Parrot
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot." "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood...
A Bargain Parrot
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot." "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood...
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A Big Beautiful Dick
I came out while I was in college. I had sex with a man for the first time during my sophomore year. I had a rather closeted gay life in college. I didn't really hang out with the gay crowds. I dated men and I had sex with men, but I kept kind of low about it. When college was over, I went on to grad school. I maintained contact with my friends from college, but going to grad...
A Dream Come True
One time in the summer my friend asked me to spend the night at his house. I said sure, when I got there the house was so hot I started to swet just from standing there. I asked him why it so hot. He said that they just had their carpet shampooed and that they made a big fire in their fireplace to dry it out. I said to him i dont think I can Sleep here. He said don't worry I set the tent up in...
A Dying Confession
Jake was dying. His lover, Bob, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. He held his fragile hand, tears running down his face. His praying roused Jake from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Bob," he whispered. "Hush, my love," Bob said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He was insistent. "Bob," he said in his tired voice. "I....I...
A Few Zen Thoughts...
Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Remember, half the people you know are below average. He...
A Horse and A Chicken
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the chicken gets into the farmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole. Wasting no time, the...
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A Horse and a Rooster
A horse and a young rooster are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the little rooster to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rooster runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the rooster gets into the farmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole. Wasting...
A John's Mother
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of John’s sexual orientation, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading...
A Matter Of Economy
A couple, age 68, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Doctor, will you watch us have intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $10.00. This happened for several weeks in a row. The couple would make...
A Note From Hell
A man enters a gay bar and while sitting at his table, notices an absolutely gorgeous man sitting at another table--alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to the hunk, knowing that if he accepts it, he will be his for the night. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the hunk , saying this is from the...
A Pissy Night At The Bar
I went downtown to get my ticket to Dallas for the party. Afterwards I checked the P.O. Box. Just a letter from the Chain Drive. My new Chain Drive card was in, and went to pick it up. After getting my card, I went out on the patio. This butch Daddy type, with a huge uncut cock was playing with his cock, while I was talking to this Hispanic male. After awhile, he came up close and...
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A Poor Choice of Words
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my lover when he sliced his ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had...
A Testament to Ineffective Communication
A man is lying in the hospital's urgent care facility on life support and in a coma. A couple nurses are in his room giving him a sponge bath, while his lover waits nervously outside. One of the nurses is in the midst of washing his 'private parts' and notices that there is a definite response on the monitor when she touches him. They go to the lover and explain what just ...
Absolut
A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish, anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." ...
Absolut
A Russian named Alexi is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. Alexi is stunned and the genie says, "hello master. I will grant you one wish, anything you want." Alexi begins thinking. Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally Alexi says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." ...
After Hours
One boring Friday afternoon at the office you receive a letter in the mail. Nothing interesting from the looks of it, but as you read on, you soon realize that you are, again, being invited to another fun-filled weekend at your friend's place, and your mind starts wandering. A big grin comes over your face, and a bulge begins to form in your pants while you remember some past parties....
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Aku dan Mat Saleh
Nama aku M.. aku bekerja sebagai seorang kerani di salah sebuah syarikat swasta di ibu negara, dah hampir tiga tahun aku bekerja di syarikat tersebut, aku tak punya seorang pun kawan wanita yang special yang boleh di ajak pergi tengok wayang atau pergi mana mana untuk realease tention. Kadang kadang tu aku rasa cemburu juga tengok orang lain berpegang tangan dengan teman wanita masing...
Alcohol Warnings We'd Like to See
The FDA decided to place different kinds of warnings on all alcohol products to let customers know the risks involved: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a...
An Airline Story
The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was just as obviously enjoying himself at the same time. It was nearing the end of quite a long flight and the cockpit crew sounded two bells, indicating their final descent, signaling the cabin crew to prepare the cabin for landing. The gay flight attendant came swishing down the aisle, picked up the...
And So It Goes...
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says... “And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou...
And Your Profession is...
A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at...
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And Your Profession is...
A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at...
Another First Time
It was a cold grey day; I was walking through the park towards the town centre when the first drops of rain started. It soon turned into a downpour, I rushed towards the nearest shelter, the doorway of the disused gasworks building just outside the park gates. I was not the only one who had made for shelter. As I entered the doorway, I saw that someone else was standing just ...
Army Sex
This is a true story about one of my *MANY* sexual encounters while stationed at Ft. Belvoir, VA. This is what goes on in the Army; Navy boys don't have all the fun. During first formation one day in early May, Top called for volunteers to take a lifeguard training course over at the post pool. I raised my hand and was chosen as one of the six to participate from...
Art Project
Nena sat at the light table, tracing a complicated pattern. Tim couldn't keep his eyes away from her. She was a cute little Puerto Rican, 18 years old...not too much younger. He was almost 20. He couldn't stop watching the brightness of the table reflect onto her thin cotton white button down. He could see the faint impressions of her slightly stiffened nipples, pressing against her...
As It Hits the Fan
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day!" "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same Six double vodka drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just...
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At My Cottage
My cottage is on an island in one of the great lakes. The closest island to us is about 0.5 mile away, and rarely do boats pass by in the waterways around the island. I had invited two of my hottest guy friends up to my cottage for a weekend. I said it was just to relax and have fun or whatever, but didn't mention its location and the situation of no one in sight. None of us are...
Back Rider
It had been a great day. Warm, dry and the traffic had been light. I had been riding for some seven hours now, but wasn't yet tired. The sun had just started to draw the evening curtains, and there was a faint hint of rain on the cooling twilight air. I was cruising along a quiet back road in Sussex on my BMW K100. I have been riding bikes since I was 16, that's 24 years now. I...
Backstreet Orgy
This story involves m/m/m/m/m sex. If you are under 18 do not read it. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexual orientation of the Backstreet Boys. Once the concert ended, each of the Backstreet Boys went back to their private hotel rooms to sleep after the exhausting performance. After they were each tucked into their comfy beds, Brian's phone rang. He picked it...
Bad Bust, Part 1
I am an only child. My parents are well-off. My Dad is cool. It was my Dad that hired my first hooker right after my 17th birthday. The nice girls I met didn't put out like the hookers. I enjoyed hiring hookers. I could treat them as rough as I wanted. I enjoy treating women rough. Every time me girlfriend left me sexually frustrated, I would find a hooker, and I would take it...
Bad Bust, Part 4
One of them slapped me to keep me from passing out. I couldn't believe how that little cock could give so much pain. The cop fucked me brutally, his balls and body slammed into me with each down thrust. I felt like something was going to break. I could not get my mind to block the intense pain.. I knew my asshole was being stretched, and wondered if it would ever get back to...
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Bad Bust, Part 5
I was left alone for sometime before Jack returned. Jack said, "Well, not bad for $500.00 bucks. Not bad at all! I'm gonna have fun with you." I told him just to let me go and I would give him a lot more money then he had spent. He said, "Not a chance, kid. I am gonna to get more pleasure out of the pain I inflict on you then all the money in the world could buy." I...
Bad Bust, Part 2
The usual disclaimer, if it's illegal for you to read this, don’t I kind of stood there in shock. I looked from one cop to the other, expecting this to be a joke. The cop in front of me, repeated "Play with my dick." He shoved a knee into my privates. I doubled over, the cop behind me reached between my legs, and grabbed my aching balls. He begin to tighten his...
Bad Bust, Part 3
The handcuffs were frustrating me, I couldn't hear what the two cops were whispering about. The cop cum residue in my mouth was making me want to gag. I hid my nervousness as the cop that had raped my mouth pulled out a knife. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head. I almost sighed as he began to cut my shirt off. Soon, they had me naked. I ignored them as they were talking...
Bad Bust, Part 6
I knew Jack's intentions, and I knew I couldn't reason with him. He turned the tat gun on, held its vibrating motor against my cock. My dick ignored the pain my mind felt, and begin to grow as the guns humming motor stimulated me. I had a full boner now, and Jack tied my dick off at the base tightly with some string. 'That will keep you hard,' he said. I couldn't look, I...
Banking Woes
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fu%#in' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu#%in' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the...
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Banking Woes
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fu%#in' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu#%in' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the...
Basketball Star Of The North
I thought everyone had left the locker-room at least an hour ago, but just before I turned off the light -- having completed my cleaning duties -- I made one last check and nearly gasped in astonishment: There, in a far corner of the room, lay Wally Szczerbiak, star player of the Minnesota Timberwolves. He was stark naked, his hands had been tied behind his back, and something had...
Best Friends
Allen and I had been best friends for many years. We had done many things and cared for each other. I was 5'7" 135 pounds 19 years old at this time. I had brown hair and brown eyes. Allen was 18, 6'1" 175 and also had brown hair and brown eyes. We were both told we were good looking and had many girlfriends. Allen's girlfriend mentioned to me how horny he always was. I couldn't...
Better Late Than Never
A ninety-year-old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. ("The...
Better Late...
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance", says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on." A week later ...
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Big Bear Uncle
By wazzarello@cox.net I loved my great Uncle Roy. He was my maternal grandfather's youngest brother by adoption and, as such, was only thirteen years older than my father. Roy was by far, the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. He had never married and, although well educated, had devoted his entire adult life to the small farm he inherited from my great grandparents. The hard work...
Birds!
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because...
Blond Holiday
This guy has a blond friend who can never seem to laid, so he decides to take him to New Orleans for a day of sin and frolic. He drops the blond off at his hotel, and tells him where all the best gay bars are in the French Quarter—literally a dozen to choose from, starting on Bourbon Street, like Pub on Bourbon, Parade Disco, Oz, etc. and informs him he is going to visit with an...
Blondes
A blind guy who’s become rather intoxicated in a local gay bar, decides to make Himself known to his new found patrons, and announces loudly, “Hey, ya’ll wanna hear a really great blond joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond...
Bobby Harriton's Gay Adventure, Part 1
"Damn traffic," Rob Harriton muttered as he got out of bed. It was 7:45 AM on Saturday and Rob had been looking forward to sleeping in. Rob's boyfriend, Harry Burns, turned over towards him. "Don't worry sexy," he whispered. "We can play some more." Harry rubbed his cock against Rob's naked body. Rob smiled as he kissed Harry, and sure enough they were soon having hardcore sex. They...
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Bobby Harriton's Gay Adventure, Part 2
Harry parked his truck a few miles away from the Harriton house. Telling Bobby to stay put, he went to the back of his truck. Harry lived in his truck. There was a small fridge, a small TV, and a bed in the living compartment. Also on the bed were the 3 sets of clothes Harry owned; when he wasn't in his truck working he was at the Harriton house, naked, so Harry didn't see the...
Bobby Harriton's Gay Adventure, Part 3
"Ah, this is the life," Bobby Harriton said as he sat on the roof of the truck. His boyfriend, Harry, sat shirtless nearby. It was a very hot day. Harry was a trucker, and had made a delivery cross-country. It had taken him a week, and throughout Bobby had been with him… naked! Harry used to date Bobby's father Rob, and Bobby and Harry had been naked when Rob had caught them. They...
Brown Elk
An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the saloon. He was a giant of a man with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why he was carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small chicken in the other. "I'll have a whiskey," he told the bartender, and after downing the shot, Brown Elk ordered another. Then another. Finally, after his fourth drink, the Indian pulled...
Campus Friends
While driving around on a large college campus, one is bound to see all sorts of people. This is what I was doing when I saw my friend, Johnny, for the first time. I was driving through the center of campus on my way back to my apartment after class. There were thousands of people walking to and fro because of the class break (I say thousands because I go to a large university in...
Careful What You Say
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the...
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Caught In The Act
This all happened quite a few years ago, when I was very much younger. I had just gotten my first job as a warehouseman in San Francisco, in the south of market area. I was real young, only about 22 then and always horny, had a perpetual hard-on, in fact, it was not unusual to jack off at least 3 or 4 times a day, sometimes more. One day, when the lunch hour rolled around I grabbed...
Chatt
“smeker dig inåt låren” “känner hur bulan växer i min hand” “jag förflyttar handen innanför dina byxor, och grabbar ett stadigt grepp om den”... “sedan tar jag din nu hårda & styva kuk, och för in i min mun” “jag suger din kuk, långsamt till en början, sedan suger jag fortare och fortare” “känner doften och värmen av din stenhårda kuk” “Jag tar din kuk i min hand, och sätter...
Cherry Turn Out, Part 1
At 18, I ended up in the Paulding County Jail. The first night I slept downstairs in a holding cell. The next day I was taken upstairs to a tank. The jail was small and relaxed. The tank I was put in consisted of four cells with four bunks and a toilet in each. There was a dayroom with a shower stall and a large steel table with a bench. The jail wasn't crowded, and the ...
Cherry Turn Out, Part 2
I was wondering if I was walking different, my asshole felt strange. None of the guys acted any different, the day was pretty much the same. Card playing, watching the Price is Right, the usual. The guys were getting drunk again. I was in my bunk reading when Mike stood at the cell opening. He had five packs of cigarettes in his hands and asked if he could spend the night. I...
Cock-hungry College Boys
Jason stared at the brick building. It looked like any other college student's residence: big, imposing, functional. He hoped that college life on the inside was better than what it looked like from the outside. He checked the crumpled slip of paper again: Room 269-N. Jason stepped through the front doors of the residence building and was pleasantly surprised to find a lobby and...
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Commumication's Essential
A doctor gave a 92-year-old man a physical exam. A few days later he happened to notice the man walking down the street with his arm around a gorgeous young man and grinning from ear to ear. The next time he encountered the man, the doctor said, "You are really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you said, Doc," the man agreed. "You said, 'Get a hot number and be...
Communication's Everything
A doctor gave a 92-year-old man a physical exam. A few days later he happened to notice the man walking down the street with his arm around a gorgeous young woman and grinning from ear to ear. The next time he encountered the man, the doctor said, "You are really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you said, Doc," the man agreed. "You said, 'Get a hot mamma and be...
Confessional Humor
The newly ordained priest arrives at his first assignment and is getting settled in when the pastor asks him to take confessions on Saturday morning. To help him out, the pastor gives him a book with all possible sins, and suggested penances. So the young priest goes over to the church, goes into the box and begins hearing confessions. After the usual run, a voice from behind the...
Construction Sign Language
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods...
Cowboy Meets Indian
There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", To which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy...
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Creative Banking
This is reported to be an actual letter sent to a Bank in the US. The Bank thought it amusing enough to publish it in their newsletter: Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I tried to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds...
Cruising In the Navy
After ten years in the Navy I'd learned a few things about cruising-or not cruising-on base, and how to figure out who was 'safe' to hit on. I'd seen enough guys get burned by the system and tossed out on their ass for being gay, that it sort of came as second nature, what I thought I could do and what was too hot to go near (or maybe just too fuckin' uptight...). Pissed me off,...
Dan Pastorini Of The Houston Oilers
***The following fantasy is a work of fiction*** Rick called me just before midnight. "Get over to the hotel," he said. "Room 1470. I've got a client who wants a show." "I'm pretty tired," I told him. "Think I'll skip this one." "You don't want to skip this one," he said. "Lots of money?" I asked. "Lots of cock," he replied. "The client's Dan Pastorini." "I'm on my way." I hung...
Devine Golf
As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One Sunday morning, the...
Doing Without, Part 1
I had been locked up for almost three weeks. No TV, no radio, I spent most of the day playing cards with my cellie. His time was up, I had been in here for three days by myself when they brought in the kid. The guard led him in, the kid fell on the empty bunk and fell in a deep sleep. I kept playing solitaire, but kept looking at the kid. I am 28, about 6'2", 32 inch waist, a...
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Doing Without, Part 2
He struggled as I pinned him down, my bigger body covering his. His struggling caused the soft skin of his ass to rub against my cock, my precum slicking up that nice skin. He was more than a boy, but not quite a man, and he was doing the best to save his ass, no pun intended. Both of us knew I would win, but the dude wasn't planning on giving up very easy. I begin to kiss...
Doing Without, Part 3
I kissed Colt for awhile, even though Colt had stopped fighting, I knew by his shriveled dick, he didn't want this. Fuck, if I was in his place, I wouldn't have wanted it either. I knew a joke about tossing salad, it sounded disgusting, but, it may help the kid...... He squirmed a little with I moved him into a position, I slowly but my tongue on his ass hole. The taste wasn't bad,...
Doing Without, Part 4
I had about a third of my log in him now, it had taken awhile to get this much in the tight ass. Sweat poured from both of us. I supposed he was sweating from the pain my big dick was making him feel, my sweat from trying to control myself and not lunge into this hot tight shit hole in one single thrust. I rested for a second, this was giving Colt time to get used to me....
Donations Dilema
A girl got in line to donate blood at the local blood bank. She got to talking to the man in line in front of her and asked how often he donated blood. He corrected her, stating that he was there to donate sperm. Really, she said, how much do they pay for sperm donations? $50.00 the man stated. The girl replied that she only made $10.00 each time she donated blood. After the...
Drinks & Personalities
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt. Your...
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Drinks & Personality
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a man's personality based on what he drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth. Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid Your Approach: Challenge him to a game...
Erection Correction
There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that he can cure the man. The doctor tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he...
Escaped Convict
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man...
Eternal Damnation
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman. "That's unfair !" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." "Shut up!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork....
Everlasting Lovers, Part 1
In the Beginning Rich On my 24th birthday, I moved to San Francisco to pursue a career passion as a personal trainer. When the professional opportunity presented itself I jumped on it recognizing that the city would present a much better environment for my gay lifestyle to flourish. But I never expected the life-transforming event that began at the Marina green just days after I...
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Everlasting Lovers, Part 2
In the Mouth Scott We hopped in my Alfa Spider, top down, and started the 20-minute drive to my house. There was so much I wanted to say about what had just happened. But words would probably detract from the communication power of our bodies. As we approached my house, I confided in Rich my unusual ability to climax repeatedly. “If I ever push for excessive sex, kick me in the...
Every Dog Has His Day
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea...
First is Not Always Best
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home...
First Massage
Absolutely true experience. Ever since puberty I had always fantasized about having sex with another man. I constantly masturbated over these thoughts but never acted on them until a few years ago when I was 22. I have been with many women, but never had the opportunity to act on my gay fantasies. I decided to go for it. I was in Chicago at a company meeting and I found the...
First Oral Sex On A Business Trip
It was another hectic business meeting in Las Vegas. I had finished my meeting and was dying to get outside to do something. I had been to Las Vegas many times and was bored with the casino scene. After I freshened up in my hotel, I drove to a strip bar that I often go to with other guys from work. This was the first time going alone. After some beers and a few lap dances, which...
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First Time In Ballet Tights
It was my first dance class, and I was nervous, but the idea of wearing nylon tights in public and seeing other men in them up close was too thrilling to pass up. I have had a fetish about tights for years, and cycling and running allowed me to engage in it without suspicion. But the thick nylon supplex material was a poor substitute for the delicate, clinging nylon of ballet ...
Florida--Flea Paradise
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of Florida to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode...
FootLocker Boy
I was in a FootLocker store at the mall; I loved how it smelled in there. All those hot jocks with their old, smelly sneakers. I sat next to this hot young stud. He looked like he just got out of practice. He seemed to be around 19ish. Man, was he good looking. He had these deep blue eyes and this light brown hair; he was all sweaty and had his stinky sneakers off. He didn’t have...
Foul Cry Fowl
This middle-aged handsome and well groomed guy was in a pet shop, when he spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. He went to the shop owner and told him that he'd like to buy the bird as a surprise for his special friend. He said he would sell it to him, but he warned her that the bird had been brought up by some male prostitute in a brothel, and had...
Foul Mouthed Fowl
This lady was in a pet shop, when she spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. She went to the shop owner and told him that she'd like to buy the bird. He said he would sell it to her, but he warned her that the bird had been brought up by some chick in a brothel, and had picked up some of the lingo. The woman said that she'd still like to have to bird,...
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Fresh Meat, Part 1
I was thinking about the 30 day sentence the judge had given me. It was supposed to teach me a lesson. With good time, I'd be out in 20 days, and nothing was going to change! My thoughts cleared as I was ordered to strip by some lazy overweight guard. I guess he got his jollies by watching men naked. I proudly removed my shirt. I was 19, 5'10, and had a great body. I knew I...
Fresh Meat, Part 2
Fresh Meat, Part 2 "Don't do this, man, I'm straight, I'm not like that!" I begged. The guy shoved me to my knees, pulled down his boxer shorts, and said, "Get straight to work on this, kid, any teeth and you'll be missing some!" He grabbed my face, stuck two fingers into my lips and opened my mouth. His rod was on soft but he replaced his fingers with it. ...
Fresh Meat, Part 3
The Latin looking one’s cock had me in shock. The head of it was bigger around than a coke can. It tapered down below the head, down the shaft it got wider and wider. The base was even wider than the head! His cock was more ellipsoid in its shape than round. I knew he planned on fucking me in the ass, I thought rapidly, sucking a dick would be better than taking this monster! ...
Fresh Meat, Part 4
His adjusted his body onto mine, my ankles were on his wide shoulders, spreading my legs apart. His weight on top of me felt weird, he had his prick between my ass cheeks, my balls were kind of in the way. He started pumping up and down, his hard on between in my butt crack, "Shit," I was thinking, " What a stupid ass I am, I thought he was going to try and stick that thing in my...
Fresh Meat, Part 5
Nothing had ever hurt this bad, nothing had prepared me for this, the worst pain I had ever felt before this was an ear ache..... I couldn't breath, I couldn't move..... I never realized how many nerve connections my asshole must have. I wasn't really aware of anything but this incredible burning pain. I think I would have blacked out, but as he forced his cock further and deeper...
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Freshman Romp
I was kind of nervous just starting college and moving away from home. I have never been to a big city like Chicago before and was kind of scared. I was living on campus and had two roommates that were as fresh as me. There was Bob, he was from a small town just like me and we kind of connected right away. Bob was really talkative and easy going for a little fish in a big bowl. On...
Getting Old Sucks...
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this ol boy about 75-80 years sitting on a bench near the Food Court and he was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you...
Going Down French Style
Going Down French-Style Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his boyfriend, Jene, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Jene leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Jene's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Jene. "I am Pierre the...
Grievance
Grievance I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 1) I do physical labor, I work at great depths 2) I plunge head first into everything I do 3) I do not get weekends off or public holidays 4) I work in a damp environment 5) I don't get paid overtime 6) I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation 7) I work in high temperatures 8) My work...
Health Club
John was interested in the health club, which had just opened. Everybody working out in the weight room, which could be seen from the street, was really healthy and really sexy. So John decided to check out the place. He walked up to the receptionist and said he might be interested in joining the club. So she led him on a tour through the gym facilities. Everyone there was really ...
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Hell
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon: Demon: Why so glum, chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink....
Helping the Hopless
A little old man, well into his eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on his feet, he Shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, he asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?" The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:...
Hollywood Squares Answers
These are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. These are from the old Hollywood Squares show in the 70's... Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: George ...
Home Alone
Tony was a 19-year-old guy with blond hair and hazel eyes. He had bought magazines with guys playing with other guys, so he thought it would be neat to try something he hadn't before. One day when his family members were out and he was alone at home. He stripped naked and stood there in his room with a fully erect cock. He started touching himself and saying swear words and...
I Love My Job!
I love my job! I’m a cable installer, 32 years old, 6 foot, brown hair, green eyes, lean, toned, and smooth body. I enjoy the freedom of not being tied to a desk and working at my own pace. Of course, some of the basements I have to crawl around in are gross, but usually it’s a pleasant experience. Apparently we servicemen are a precious commodity as on more than one occasion I’ve...
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Improvise When All Else Fails
Steven was in bed with his boyfriend when he heard his lover opening the front door. "Hurry!" he said, "Stand in the corner." He quickly rubbed baby oil all over the boyfriend and then he dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to." he whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, Stevie?" the lover asked as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a...
In Mourning
Mark lost his lover almost four years ago in a tragic motor accident, and still has not gotten out of his depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. A close friend is constantly calling him and urging him to get back into the world. Finally, Mark says he'd go out, but didn't know anyone. His friend immediately replies, "Mark I have someone for you to meet, Steve, a...
It's Never Too Late
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen's residence. They met one day in the social center, and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted. They had a lovely evening and afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after dinner drink. Things...
Jeremy's Diary, Part 1
All the usual disclaimers....if it ain't legal for you to read this, then DON'T!!!!!! Hi, my name is Jeremy. It's hard to write about myself to other people but I am going to begin by describing me and my life. My dad works on the river. My mom works on making people miserable. Oh, my parents are alcoholics. River workers travel to where the work is, that’s why we are ...
John and Joe Jones
Once there were twin brothers by the name of Jones. John Jones was married, and Joe Jones was single. The single brother Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat. It happened that John Jones' wife died the same day that Joe's rowboat filled with water and sank. A few days later, a kindly old lady met Joe and mistaken him for John said; "Oh Mr. Jones, I am sorry to hear...
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John Derek Learns The 11th Commandment
***The following is a work of fiction*** Remember that scene in Cecil B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments" in which John Derek, playing Joshua, is tied spread-eagled between two columns while dressed in just a burlap loincloth? Wicked Vincent Price then begins to whip his chest. Having long harbored impure thoughts about what John Derek had hanging down between his legs, I watched the...
John Gavin!
***The following is a work of fiction*** Hitchcock wasn't happy with the opening scene of his new movie, "Psycho." It showed John Gavin and Janet Leigh in a Phoenix hotel room, getting dressed after having apparently just had a session of lunch-hour sex. "Why not start the scene while they're still having sex?" I suggested to Hitch. "Have the camera move into the room's window, slow...
Just One of Those Days...
Dave's wife decides he deserves a special present for his birthday, so she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?" The wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Guinness. The...
Lockerroom
I was relaxing in the locker room of the Sport Academy with a freshly opened can of suds in my right hand, after an especially gruesome day in the office. I had just dried myself off after an ice cold shower, the last procedure after finishing my usual weekly three rounds of sauna and had laid my sauna towel across the hard wooden bench to spread out on. I thought I was the last...
Lost & Found
Gary recently lost his lover after a tragic skiing accident. He had him cremated and brought his ashes home with him. Picking up the urn that he was in, Gary poured his lovers ashes out on the counter. Then, while tracing his fingers in the ashes, he started talking to him. "Stan, you stupid old fool, skiing at your age........." He lowered his voice to a whisper, and with a...
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Lost At Sea
Lost at Sea Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he...
Man Oh Man
This must be the hottest day of the year and of course my air conditioner is not working. The repairman was supposed to be here this morning, but it was already one in the afternoon. I am so hot, so sweaty, that I have no clothes on. Finally, a knock. That must be the repairman at the door! I open the door and develop the hugest erection possible. Standing in front of me is the...
Marketing 101
You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day...
Martini Sermon
The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?" The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest...
Me and My Lance
I was sitting there on the counter of my work office in a Motel in Orlando Flordia. I noticed that Joey Fatone of N'Sync ordered a room. I waited there since it was midnight and he was the last person to pick up his key to his room. I was visiting Orlando one day, and I decided to drop by Universal Studios because I heard that NSYNC was going to perform on "The Rosie 'O Donnell...
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Me and My Painter
I have had bisexual thoughts for years, but have never had the guts to act on them until recently. One of my neighbors is a professional painter and he always invites his son John to assist him on certain projects. John is 18 and a freshman at the University of Florida. I booked his father Peter to paint four bedrooms in my house. He asked me if his son could do the work over the...
Midnight Stroll
It was late Saturday night and I was bored just sitting at home. I decided I’d ride into town on my bike. when I reached town I saw a good amount of people walking around and having fun. I roamed around for a good while 'til I decided it was time to head back home since I had found nothing interesting to do anyway. I hopped on my bike and started to head home. I had just gotten to...
Milk Those Balls
I was always one that loved small balls, I love to put them in my mouth and just suck on them real slow...get the taste of hot balls all over my lips and rub them all over my face...Once I got the opportunity to mouth some big balls and the taste was not the same. My best encounter of small ball chewing was when I was in high school and I got drunk with a couple of close friends of...
Mind Your Hands...
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" ...
Miss Queued
Young Bill was courting Miguel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Bill spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Miguel. He ...
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More Penis Humor
More Penis Humor: The Flinstones' Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growing The Wendy's Penis: Where's the beef?!?!? The Folger's Penis: The best part of waking up is Penis in your cup. The Lays Penis: Betcha can't eat just one. The Diet Coke Penis: Just for the taste of it... The Big Red Penis: It's longer with Big Red. The Robitussin Penis II: It's recommended by Dr....
Mr. Vain
Now that I'm a senior and have an apartment off campus, I don't spend a whole lot of time over by the frat house these days. I'd rather go to the bars than watch all the screeching little bimbos with the big hair get too drunk in the hopes that guys will pick them up and screw them. Personally I can't stand girls who will do anything to get laid. I also don't like the music I...
My Fantasy
Ever since I was a young boy, I have fantasized about being with a man. I've always been straight and have always enjoyed the sex I've had with women but deep inside I've been fighting the urge to see what it would be like to suck a man's cock or to feel one deep inside me. I have yet to accomplish this dream but I will relate my fantasy as to how I would like it to occur. I'm...
My first time
Although I can't believe this happened to me, three years ago to be precise, it did. On the condition of my anonymity, I'm able to write recount this incident. This was the first time I engaged in male to male sex. At the time, I was 18 and I lived in a town near Palm Beach, FL. I grew up in a pretty conservative household and this attributed to me exploring "other" activities. I...
My First Time
By wazzarello@cox.net I've only had sex with one man in my life, and that was 12 years ago when I was 19. He was a 48-year-old married man with two grown children. He was about 5'9" 190 1bs with balding hair and a black beard with some gray. Although he appeared to be a little on the chubby side, he actually had a solid thick body. I had just finished my first year of college, and since it...
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My First Time With a Guy
I had always thought that John was really hot, even though I was straight, I could appreciate that, but I never thought of us, you know, getting it on together. We both live in Los Angeles, CA and we were driving to San Francisco to see a friend of ours from high school (we had both just graduated from college). About half way between L.A. and San Francisco, I decided to take a...
My First, (Part 1 of 7)
Let me tell you about myself. My name is Mitchell. Mitch for short. I have red hair, green eyes, a ruddy complexion with a lot of freckles, and am 6-foot-5-inches tall. I am 26 years old. I was raised in a strict Irish-Catholic family in the Midwest. I have been a gymnast, a student of karate, and a wrestler since I was 8 years old. I am presently working on my dissertation at a...
My First, (Part 2 of 7)
The next morning, I felt as if I hadn’t slept well. I seemed to remember tossing and turning, and for the first time I could remember, my sheets were dry. I felt some soreness in my muscles and decided that it was the result of holding myself rigid for the length of time it took for five people to sit on me. My thoughts still seemed to be focused on why I couldn’t remember what had...
My First, (Part 3 of 7)
I looked up at Ryan. He had a look of sympathy and slight amusement and even wonder on his face. I realized that his hand had remained on my penis during all of the orgasm. He drew his hand away and I noticed that it was covered with my sperm. I know I went totally red again. He saw it, smiled, and said, "Wow, Mitch. I guess you were a lot more ready than I thought! And this proves...
My First, (Part 4 of 7)
I awoke to my alarm clock. I was disoriented for a moment as I sat up in my bed. I couldn’t remember going to bed. I did remember talking to Ryan and drinking a lot of brandy and decided that I must have gotten so out of it that he had helped me into my apartment and into bed. As I pulled back my blankets, I realized that I was naked and wondered briefly if Ryan had helped me get...
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My First, (Part 5 of 7)
Finally, I decided that I had to do something. I turned in at the complex where we lived, and pulled up to the front door. "Ryan, go get your drawing pad, OK?" He turned and looked at me. I had had an idea. My karate teacher, Jerry, had a house on a hill above the city. I had watched his house for him from time to time, bringing in the mail, etc. I had a standing invitation to...
My First, (Part 6 of 7)
"Mitch, I always thought you were an incredible man. But to shoot off like that twice in ten minutes, Wow!" "Ryan, is that something unusual?" "You’ve got to be kidding." "No, I’m serious. Ryan, you’ve got to remember. I haven’t had a conscious orgasm for years. I guess I’ve never given much thought to what it felt like or anything like that. It was just one of those things I...
My First, (Part 7 of 7)
The comfort that came from being in contact with Ryan’s body was satisfying beyond anything I could remember feeling. Somehow, there was a feeling of familiarity to it, a feeling that we belonged together, touching each other’s bare skin. "Ryan, I have to tell you something." "What, Mitch?" "This feels very right. I’m not sure what I expected. But this feels right, good,...
My One-time Fantasy Comes True
I don't and have never considered myself the least bit gay, but I have always had this fantasy of a one-time experience with a guy. Masturbating each other, sucking each other, blowing each other, but no "up the ass action". I have always had this fantasy, and thought I might act on it if conditions were perfect, but I would have to see in the moment. I am 18 yo., 5'11", 8" erect,...
My Sister's Boyfriend
My name is Jeff. I am 5'8", slightly toned...not what you would call buff, but still in shape. This story refers to my sister’s boyfriend, Matt. Matt is 5'9", blonde hair, baby blue eyes, everything a man would want. I have always noticed him and always wondered how big his dick was. Cristina (“Crina”, my sister) had just come home from Matt’s, crying. I asked her what was wrong and...
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Night Court
It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge. Three hookers stood before him, all arrested on the same corner. He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself. The woman was irate, "I don't know what all this is about, your Honor. I'm a college student doing research for a ...
Older And...
An older gay man asks his husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" he asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, he asks his husband if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"...
Ooops
Harry had a bit of a drinking problem. Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole, and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to...
Ooops !
A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving him the evening off to do as he pleased since they would be out until quite late. The couple went to a ball and dinner. After an hour an a half, the wife told her husband that she was bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next stay. The husband...
Ooops!
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." ...
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Opportunity Knocks
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going. She replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas." He questioned her as to why she was going, and she told him, "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free." He pondered that for a while, went into the house, packed his...
Parents Away - Part 1
About 6 years ago, when I was 13 and just went through puberty, my parents went to Aruba for two weeks and left me and my brother home. It was February so we still were in school, and every weekend we would have a couple of my brothers friends over, which I usually hung out with. One of his friends, Jim, would always buy me some alcohol and stuff. Well that Friday we all got...
Parents Away - Part 2
The next Friday we once again got trash and once again Jim and I ended up again in my parents bedroom. He moved over to my side of the bed and stretched. He asked if I minded if he put his arm around me. Of course I said no. Then he asked me if I was drunk, and I said yes. I then asked him and he also replied yes. I was really hot so I stripped to my underwear. He did...
Paris Oohh Paris
Paris yolculuèu Senede 1-2 kere Parise iß için giderim.Bazen eßimi yanüma alür,bazen de tek baßüma gittièim olur.Bayramdan bir hafta õnce 3 gùnlùèùne,ßirket tarafündan bir taküm incelemeler yapmak ùzere tek baßüma gittim.Tabii ki ilk gece epey yorgundum.Ýkinci gùnùn akßamü Paris sokaklaründa dolaßtüktan sonra ,meßhur Pigal mahallesine girdim.Orada bir sùrù sex shop mevcut.Bazülaründa aßaèüda...
Peer Pressure
The other day, my friends and I decided to 'do' the town. We started out at our regular gay bar and wound up at a night club that had male strippers. We were all pretty loaded by this time. One of the guys wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be...
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Penis Humor
Penis Humor: The Excedrin Penis: It's thhhhhiiiiiisssss big. The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing... Taste is everything. The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you. The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't get up!! The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it... The Tootsie Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...??? The M&M's Penis: Melts in your mouth--- not in your ...
Penis Poem
The Penis Poem My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches ...
Perception
A man walks into his local gay bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my lover in...
Peter Was 18 With a Lot of Class
I met a guy through a personal column, and he came over to my place one night to get acquainted. We were sitting there that night, having a drink, with the lights low, and we walked to my bedroom window. There was a guy across the lane, jacking off. Boy, was Peter surprised. Up to that time, besides my preoccupation with solo-sex, my sexual experiences had all been with guys who ...
Pickup Love
It was the night before the 4th of July and the summer sucked. I had just finished my freshman year of college. All the girls wanted were the older jocks, and I discovered that no matter how horny I might be, the only release would be jerking off. So my mood was black and blue, and my bonehead move just hours before didn't help. I had heard that one of the girls that everyone...
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Pissed
A man on a construction site 30 floors up had to go to the bathroom. He approached his foreman and told him that he was going down to use the facilities. The foreman told him he was crazy. By the time he got down and back he'd lose a half hour of time. The foreman pushed a plank out over the edge of the building. He stood on one end and told the guy to go out on the other end...
Please...
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to tell his lover and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked his lover if he would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course, Darling!" he replied. And so they had sex. Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to his lover again, and...
Predictable
One night two men both at a gay bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the first man says to his new found friend, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The other doctor agrees to it. So they go back to his place and he goes in the...
Predictable
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they’re both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, “Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It’ll just be one night of fun.” The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She...
Prison Mate
starting a conversation. I just lay there in the dark waiting for morning and wondering what the stranger above me was like. His voice was deep and husky, yet it sounded young and powerful. I guess tomorrow would reveal all. Eventually I fell asleep, even though it must have been a very light sleep, for I was awoken suddenly by the movement in the bunk above, as my cell mate got ...
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Public Bath
Boy do I love big dicks. Of course, nowadays, getting fucked by a raw dick is a thing to avoid. But some years ago, before AIDS became a real mess, I used to head for the baths every weekend and search for the biggest dick I could find to fuck me. I remember one night at Mac's, in Silverlake, this big black dude caught my attention. This guy was big all over! He looked like a...
Revenge Takes Its Toll
A man came home just in time to find his lover in bed with another man. In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next he picked up a hacksaw. The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?" The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye,...
Robert (Wagon Train) Horton
***The following story is a work of fiction.*** One of the most famous "Wagon Train" episodes -- "The Gabe Carswell Story" -- first aired on January 15, 1958. In this episode, 33-year-old series star Robert Horton, playing frontier scout "Flint McCullough," found himself stripped to the waist, staked-out under the blazing sun, and left to die a slow death by a vengeful "half breed"...
Robocock
Dr. Joe White entered the office of his lab and closed the door. He was a handsome stud, no stranger to the gym. His face held a concerned look as his creation didn’t immediately come to greet him. Suddenly he heard the familiar metal and machine noises coming from the gym area, and he relaxed. Robocock walked into view. He was an amazing 6' amalgam of muscle and polished metal. ...
Santa's Had It With Straights !
T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I've busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight Rudolph...
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Selling It on Cellular
There were several men in the locker room of a private club, after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone that was on one of the benches, rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: - "Hello?" - "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" - "Yes." - "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy...
Settling In Together...
Mark met a handsome guy, Andy, and he decided he wanted to settle into a relationship right away. Andy said, "But we don't know anything about each other." Mark said, "That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along." So Andy consented, and they went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when Mark got up off of his towel,...
Severe Punishment
Very few people know about the Disciplinary Rehab Center outside Nashville, Tennessee, and I suppose some would be shocked if they did know. Yet I feel it is a necessary function of the AF and other branches of the service to be sure the real fuck-ups don't get back into the civilian world without having had some rehab training and discipline. The AF sends a lot of 91s and officers ...
Sex With The Cyclist
I am a model, and I try my best to keep in shape and looking good. On the weekends, I enjoy sunbathing in the nude so that I do not have any tan lines. I go to a park on a lake, get naked, and sunbath in the bed of my truck. I have never seen anyone in the park, but this weekend I saw and got to enjoy a cyclist. I was laying in the bed of in my chair with my cooler of water...
Shirtless Truckers In Love
"Baz, go on, get out! And never come here again!" Baz's parents shut the door on their son. He had been disowned because they had found out he was gay. His parents were very homophobic and hated all gays, so they had chucked him out. Baz walked along with his suitcase. He had no friends and his only other living relative was an aunt in LA, 500 miles away. Since it was the middle...
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Shopping Surprise
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought...
Shower Time
Chris came to college two quarters after I did. He was about 5'6" and built. He had a perfect six-pack stomach, very defined legs and arms, and a perfect bubble butt. He also didn't mind showing himself. He would walk to the shower naked or lay around in his room naked. The college that we attended was what I call a suit case college. On the weekends, everyone packs up and goes...
Size Matters
A few days after Jack met Woody, he had his name tattooed on his penis to show him how much he loved him. When erect, the name was fully visible; but when deflated, it read "Wy". Woody was delighted with Jack's "special emblem of devotion." Later in the year they decide to go to Jamaica for their vacation. Their hotel had three beaches, one traditional, one nudist, and one gay...
Son of A ...
Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One of the trees says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other tree says that he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that sapling is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" ...
Splattering Jim Palmer
***The following is a work of fiction*** The year was 1981. Mike and I were alone in the fraternity house, thumbing through a copy of "Newsweek" magazine. Suddenly we came across a full-page ad showing baseball star Jim Palmer, modeling a pair of Jockey briefs. And not the regular kind of white briefs, but rather a pair of red bikini briefs with a bulge in the crotch that, as they...
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Stature is Everything
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the...
Stepbrother
I was 19 and in college, and had been interested in other boys for quite some time. I fantasized constantly about it, but had kept it to myself for fear of what people might think. That was all to change however, when my mother remarried, to a very nice man with an 18 year old son named David. David was a real fox! He had light brown hair, beautiful green eyes, the most perfect...
Straight Stud's Rape, Part 1
It was getting close to midnight, almost time for me to close up the store, and it was none to soon. That's when he walked in. Earlier, that evening I had sold him some beer and cigarettes. His slurred speech and stumbling movements told me the beer had taken his effect. His slurred masculine voice asked me for a pack of reds in the box. I eyed him up and down as I made ...
Straight Stud's Rape, Part 2
I shook him, he didn't react. I shook him harder, still nothing. I pushed him over to the passengers side of the pick up. He didn't even moan. I climbed in beside him and thought for a few minutes. I stared at him, and knew what I had to do. I stepped out of the truck and unlocked the store. I got a sack and begin to gather various things from the store. I got...
Straight Stud's Rape, Part 3
I looked at the stud's boner, the uncut meat looked tantalizing, but those man nipple's needed a work over, too. I straddled him, his hard cock pressing into my inner thigh, and bent down placing my mouth on his left nipple. I gently sucked it into full hardness, watching the brown nipple grow stiffer. He had really long nips. I knew they needed a good chew. I bit...
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Straightboy?
My friends came up from college for the weekend. I went out that day to get ready, purchasing two cases of beer for the party we'd been planning for the whole week. Kristen brought up a quarter of weed and her really cool bong cause we were all going to get quite stoned. I'd never tried pot before, because smoking always makes me cough an awful lot. Kristen was coming up with her...
Strip Poker at a Lake Cabin (Part 1)
My name’s Rob and my wife (Cindy) and her best friend (Barbara) were going out of town over Memorial Day weekend to have a 10th high school reunion with their girlfriends. That was going to leave me all alone at the house over the long weekend. “Bull shit” I thought and opted not to stay “home alone” for the weekend. I rented out a secluded lake cabin about 2 hours upstate from our...
Strip Poker at a Lake Cabin (Part 2)
Continued from Part 1 - Lance walked back over to the table and told me to lie down. I was really nervous and was starting to shake. He told me to relax, but I couldn’t. He took each of my legs and put them onto his chest with my feet sticking up past his broad shoulders. My legs were really shaking. He pulled my ass down to the edge of the table and then pushed himself on top...
Sweaty Latino Barber
I was at the local barber shop and they had no air conditioner, man, it was boiling hot in there! I was ok though. I kept myself happy by watching all the sweaty men in the place. They were like fucking pigs, sweat dripping down their faces in streams. It was really sexy to me. I just sat on the bench, with a big smile on my face. I was too busy admiring the stinking men that I...
Tavern Tipsy
From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a (supposedly) true story from Madison, Wisconsin. Recently a police patrol car routinely parked outside a local Neighborhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly...
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Tennessee Degree
A young man graduated from the University of Tennessee with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired him was to write a human interest story. Being from Tennessee, he went back to the country to do his research. He went to an old farmer's house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and proceeded to explain to him why he was there. ...
Texas Bragging Rights
In a Texas bar, the bartender Fred was fed up with penis-boasting from the regulars. So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them, "Whip 'em out!" Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar to begin measuring all the exposed cocks. Just then a gay guy walks into the bar. Fred asks the man if there is something that he can get for him. The gay guy replies, "I was going to...
Thanksgiving Sex
I went home for Thanksgiving to be with my family and friends for the big Thanksgiving dinner. My family isn't that large, but I have a large extended family. At our dinner, we usually have about 30 people, and I get to see people that I haven't seen since last year. Sine my mother is always going crazy with the house, I stay in a motel room in order to keep my sanity. After our...
That's nice...
Two police officers saw this old man staggering down the street. Stopping him, they can tell he has had far too much to drink and instead of taking him to jail they decide to just drive him home. They loaded him into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunken man. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the man where he lived, all he...
The Boys Next Door
All the neighbors complained when the three young men moved in the apartment across the hall from mine. The cry went up that the newcomers would play loud music and keep everyone in the building awake with their comings and goings. Everyone complained but me. I knew three good looking hunks when I saw them, and these guys were beautifully built. I studied them carefully as they...
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The Confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I...
The First
So after months and months of flirting and chatting online I finally decided to meet James, a guy I'd been chatting with online for many a late night. He first instant messaged me about a year ago and he said he liked my profile. It seemed harmless enough but he slowly started asking me questions about if I'd ever fantasized about being with a guy. Honestly, it had never really ...
The Forfeit
It was late Sunday afternoon in a house in the mountains. After spending a weekend out of town, it was time for me to head out on the road to return home for work the next day. My friend Mike had been insisting all day that I call in sick so I could stay one more day until he left for his home on Monday. I really needed to get back because I had a full day of work, and my team was...
The Fucking of a Lifetime
I am for sure—straight. Always did, and still consider myself straight. But one day after going swimming with my friend, we were in the locker room and he, even though he's not gay either, noticed a good-looking guy. He made me a $1000 bet that I couldn't get him to suck my cock. The guy was good looking, and for $1000, it was worth it. So we made the bet and off I went. I had...
The Gift
The Gift A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of...
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The Masturbation Showers
In the locker room at college, there are showers at either end. Guys at my school would frequently masturbate in the showers, because they had the time. But some guys just didn't want to see other guys jerking their cocks, or spilling their male goo everywhere. So we got the school to make two signs, one for each shower room: "Masturbation Allowed" and "No Masturbation". So if you...
The Penis Poem
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the...
The Perfect Prescription
A man went into a pharmacy on Polk Street in San Francisco, and asked to talk to the pharmacist. The guy he was talking to said that he was the pharmacist and that he and his lover owned the store. He then asked if there was something he could help the man with. The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a huge cock which is permanently erect and causes me a lot...
Think Before You Speak...
A doctor and his lover are having an argument in the morning over breakfast and the doctor blurts out, "You know what? You're not that great in bed anyway!" So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to call his boyfriend and make amends....So he calls the house and the phone rings many, many times and then his lover finally answers the phone completely out of ...
Timber!
A lady from California bought a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she eared the top, she found a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, she slid down the tree and got many splinters in her private parts. In a lot of pain, she...
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Too Many Martini's
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my boyfriend just sent me out...
Top 45 Oxymorons
45. Act naturally 44. Found missing 43. Resident alien 42. Advanced BASIC 41. Genuine imitation 40. Airline Food 39. Good grief 38. Same difference 37. Almost exactly 36. Government organization 35. Sanitary landfill 34. Alone together 33. Legally drunk 32. Silent scream 31. Living dead 30. Small crowd 29. Business ethics 28. Soft rock 27. Butt Head 26. Military...
Top Man
I didn't feel like going to the gym today because it was so nice outside. I put on my tight tank top and short spandex shorts and went anyway. I'm 23 years old, 5'11, brown hair and have blue eyes -- very college jock type. I am 190lbs. of pure smooth muscle and I'm ripped! I have huge thighs, a tiny waist and an awesome bubble butt that looks totally hot in my electric blue...
Trouble With Crusin'
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter, with a great big smile on his face. Dave says, "John what are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said, 'Sure you can...
Ty (Bronco) Hardin
***The following is PURELY a work of fiction*** It's July of 1971 and I'm lying in a hotel bed in Spain, next to the sleeping form of ex-TV star, Ty Hardin. He's sprawled face-up on top of the sheets, stark naked, eyes closed, mouth half-open. He's snoring and there's still a hint of liquor on his breath. His legs are spread apart and I find myself staring, as I did the night...
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Vacanze in Grecia
Premetto che è una storia di pura fantasia erotica. Partii per le vacanze estive con il mio amico e mi recai nell'isola del divertimento la splendida isola di IOS in Grecia. I primi giorni trscorsero veloci, tra una tintarella e l'altra. Un giorno io e il mio amico dicidemmo di andare a noleggiare un motorino per girare tutta l'isola. Ci recammo sulla spiaggia più vicina e...
Viagra At Any Age
An elderly gentleman went to the local drugstore & asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each 1 into 4 pieces?" The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The elderly gentleman replied, "Oh, that's alright, I'm...
Visiting the Doctor
It was the third day in a row that my cock was erect. By this time I was frightened, three days and unable to lose my erection!! I tried everything, masturbating, getting sucked on for three hours straight even icing it and still hard. I knew I had to go visit my doctor saw I just showed up at the office as this was an emergency for me at least. I had a long jacket on but was able...
Walking Along the Beach
One day in mid July, I was walking along one of the non-clothing optional beaches (must wear clothing) in the area where I live. I was wearing a bikini and shoes that was it. I was just walking along, enjoying the heat and the sun and I see this really good-looking guy walking in the opposite direction as me, wearing a string bikini, which barely covered anything. In the front, ...
What Ever It Takes to Golf on Saturday
There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon but couldn't because of there wives, so one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said: "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car...
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What? 30 Years and No Watch?
George, the postman, was retiring after 30 years. And today was the LAST day on his route. As he approached Mrs. Smith's residence, she opened the door and said: "Oh, George! I think it is SO wonderful! Just think - 30 years on the job!" She took him by the arm and led him into the house. "Today, in celebration, I have a SURPRISE for you!" She sat him down at the dining room...
When My Friends Surprised Me
This a true story of my 18th birthday, just a few weeks ago! It was the morning of my 18th birthday. It was a Saturday morning so I didn't have to go to school. I was so excited because the week before, my best friend, who is so hot, has such a great, hard body and is just gorgeous, promised me a surprise on my birthday. Him and me do a lot of jacking off together, and so I...