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Valentine's Day Gifts
by Tongueincheeks
No holiday bring on more gift-giving anxiety than Valentine’s Day. The meaning of a gift can change depending on how long you’ve been together and the dynamics of your relationship. Here’s a sampling of a few Valentine’s Day gifts and the mixed messages they may send:
1. A humorous e-valentine. Appropriate after 3 days. A. “We don’t need to put a price tag on what we have together.” B. “I’m incredibly cheap, and you’re on the way out anyway.”
2. A dozen long-stemmed red roses. Appropriate after 1 week. A. “I could very well be using the “L” word in the near future.” B. “I really want to have sex tonight, and this was the most expensive gift I could find at the corner deli.”
3. A favorite book, CD or DVD, or a mix CD of favorite music. Appropriate in 6 weeks. A. “I want to bring you into my life by sharing the cultural influences that are Important to me.” B. “I’m a control freak and I want you to start liking the same stuff that I do.”
4. Gourmet chocolates, candy, cookies, or something baked at home. Okay in 2 months. A. “You’re sweet.” B. “Who cares if we get fat? We’ll still have each other.”
5. An assortment of high-end grooming, body, or bath products. Allowable in 3 months. A. “I wanted to give you something you could use while naked.” B. “Your personal hygiene could use some work.”
6. A basked of bedroom accoutrements: massage oil, flavored condoms, naughtier accessories. Appropriate after 6 months. A. “I can’t wait to jump into bed with you.” B. “Our sex life is lagging a bit, don’t you think?”
7. Matching his-and-his pajamas Appropriate after 1 year. A. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” B. “Don’t even think you’re ever going to sleep with anyone else.”
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