Some Like It Cool ... donnie d bellew It’s Monday and I’ve decided today my favorite flavor is white trash. I may not remember tomorrow so I’m writing it down today. Other times it’s been black street punks and sometimes blond teenage boys (eighteen and over, yeah-right) ... much earlier it was gray fatherly men with shameful pink secrets or tanned pin-up guys with black tank top pecs ...
God was sitting around one day, exhausted after having created the world. But, He was bored and wanted a new challenge. Accordingly, He called his trusted advisors together for a conference. Their names are Tom, Dick, and Harry. “Okay guys, listen up!” said God, having the undivided attention of his advisors, “We need a new challenge. Any suggestions?” “Well,” said Tom, “How ‘bout we...
God was sitting around one day, exhausted after having created the world. But, He was bored and wanted a new challenge. Accordingly, He called his trusted advisors together for a conference. Their names are Tom, Dick, and Harry. “Okay guys, listen up!” said God, having the undivided attention of his advisors, “We need a new challenge. Any suggestions?” “Well,” said Tom, “How ‘bout we...
The station attendant sold gas, But he did it with style and class. His name-tag said "Chuck". He was a hot Latin buck, And he pumped a huge load up my...
Perfect Beauty You are perfect beauty and looking into your soft soulful eyes I see the men that I could be. We kiss and the taste of your lips is the nectar that sustains my life. You wrap your strong arms about my waist and I understand the meaning of safety. I nuzzle your neck and the aroma of your skin intoxicates me while the stubbled growth of your cheek electrifies my...
Two old men decided they are close to their last days on earth and thought they'd have one last night on the town. After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first two rooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. Those two are so old and drunk; I am not wasting two of my girls on them. They...
Don was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear in the woods and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder; he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "Don, you’ve got two choices: either I maul you to death or we have sex." Don decided to bend over. After two weeks of feeling sore, Don recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on...
I didn't come here to take a shit, I'm looking for a MAN with a big, hairy dick I can lick on, suck on, fondle and stroke Until he spews forth his hot, creamy load. I didn't come here to piss or pass gas, I'm looking for a MAN with a tight, hairy ass- hole that puckers and twitches when I give it a lick or tongue-bathe his balls and deep-throat his dick. I didn't come here just to...
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But what the heck, he thought that he really wanted (and needed) a drink. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the...
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But what the heck, he thought that he really wanted (and needed) a drink. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the...
There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that he can cure the man. The doctor tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he...
The Penis Poem My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches ...
An elderly gentleman went to the local drugstore & asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?" The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each 1 into 4 pieces?" The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The elderly gentleman replied, "Oh, that's alright, I'm...
Blowing Smoke Three guys are arrested in an adult bookstore and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand: "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "And why were you arrested?" the judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy...
50th Aniversary Two elderly lovers were celebrating their 50th anniversary, with a friend at the bar. The friend suggests they return to the little town where they first met. "I'll drive you" he offers, "you guys are always talking about the place, it would be nice to go back and visit". So off they go. They sat in a small coffee shop in the town and were telling the friend about their...
Barracks Door The manager hired a new secretary. He was young, smart, handsome and polite. One day while taking dictation, he noticed the manager’s fly was open. When he was leaving the room, he courteously said, "Oh, by the way sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?" The manager did not understand the secretary’s remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his...
Two Fleas One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just...
Gay Translations Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I need you. My hand is tired. I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and...
Man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a huge hole in my ass" The doctors says, "Drop your pants, bend over and let me have a look". "Fuck me!" says the doctor, "What could have made a hole as big as that?" Patient replies, "I was fucked by an elephant". The doctor says, "An elephant's penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous". Patient replies, "He fingered me...
40-ish..........................….52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic.............. ............Watches a lot of Football Average looking...........…..Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Educated.....................…..Will patronize the shit out of you. Free Spirit....................…..Banging your brother. Friendship first.............…..As long as friendship...
Gay friends are just like buttcheeks: Through all the crap they always stay together. Unless, of course, a dick or a john comes between them....
The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?" The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest...
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I...
You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day...
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