Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a man's personality based on what he drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth. Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid Your Approach: Challenge him to a game...
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt. Your...
There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon but couldn't because of there wives, so one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said: "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car...
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the chicken gets into the farmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole. Wasting no time, the...
A horse and a young rooster are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink. The horse yells at the little rooster to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rooster runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So, the rooster gets into the farmer's Mercedes and drives it as fast as possible back to the mud hole. Wasting...
Dave's wife decides he deserves a special present for his birthday, so she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?" The wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Guinness. The...
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "Excuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my boyfriend just sent me out...
A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at...
A shepherd is looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie gets out and proposes to the shepherd. “If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?” The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at...
The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was just as obviously enjoying himself at the same time. It was nearing the end of quite a long flight and the cockpit crew sounded two bells, indicating their final descent, signaling the cabin crew to prepare the cabin for landing. The gay flight attendant came swishing down the aisle, picked up the...
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea...
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because...
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to tell his lover and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked his lover if he would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course, Darling!" he replied. And so they had sex. Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to his lover again, and...
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fu%#in' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu#%in' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the...
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fu%#in' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fu#%in' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the...
There were several men in the locker room of a private club, after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone that was on one of the benches, rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: - "Hello?" - "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" - "Yes." - "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy...
T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I've busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight Rudolph...
A man is lying in the hospital's urgent care facility on life support and in a coma. A couple nurses are in his room giving him a sponge bath, while his lover waits nervously outside. One of the nurses is in the midst of washing his 'private parts' and notices that there is a definite response on the monitor when she touches him. They go to the lover and explain what just ...
Mark met a handsome guy, Andy, and he decided he wanted to settle into a relationship right away. Andy said, "But we don't know anything about each other." Mark said, "That's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along." So Andy consented, and they went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when Mark got up off of his towel,...
1 There was a young man from Saint Source's, Whose cock was a big as a horse's. He'd suck on his meat, Before he would eat, And did it again between courses. 2 There once was a boy from Hawaii Whose dick got too big for his fly. He yanked down the zipper, And pulled out his flipper, And it stood up and poked in his eye. 3 There once was a boy with a dong Which he fiddled with...
I. New verses to: There was an Old man named Michael Finnegan There was an old man named Michael Finnegan. His favorite toy wa'nt made of tin again! When it stood up, then he would sin again. Wicked Michael Finnegan. Begin again. There was an old man named Michael Finnegan. His dong hung right down to his shin again. If I'm lucky I'll meet him again. Long-dong Michael Finnegan....
A reading from the Book of Email, the third chapter, 5th verse (Email 3:5): In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Satan said, "Sheuuu, it don't get no better than this!" And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God Said, "Let the earth bring forth grass,...
New Versions to Three Old Folksongs by Henry Bayne I. New verses to: There was an Old man named Michael Finnegan There was an old man named Michael Finnegan. His favorite toy wa'nt made of tin again! When it stood up, then he would sin again. Wicked Michael Finnegan. Begin again. There was an old man named Michael Finnegan. His dong hung right down to his shin again. If...
Some “Naughty” Limericks by Henry Bayne henrybayne@hotmail.com 1 There was a young man from Saint Source's, Whose cock was as big as a horse's. He'd suck on his meat, Before he would eat, And did it again between courses. 2 There once was a boy from Dubai Whose dick got too big for his fly. He yanked down the zipper, And pulled out his flipper, It...
© 1995-2024 FREYA Communications, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.