The other day, my friends and I decided to 'do' the town. We started out at our regular gay bar and wound up at a night club that had male strippers. We were all pretty loaded by this time. One of the guys wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be...
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my lover when he sliced his ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had...
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the...
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home...
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! You must have had one hell of a day!" "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same Six double vodka drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just...
A blind guy who’s become rather intoxicated in a local gay bar, decides to make Himself known to his new found patrons, and announces loudly, “Hey, ya’ll wanna hear a really great blond joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond...
As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest. One Sunday morning, the...
An older gay man asks his husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" he asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, he asks his husband if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"...
One night two men both at a gay bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the first man says to his new found friend, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The other doctor agrees to it. So they go back to his place and he goes in the...
An Indian named Brown Elk walked into the saloon. He was a giant of a man with a six-shooter tucked into his belt, so no one dared ask why he was carrying a pail of manure in one hand and a small chicken in the other. "I'll have a whiskey," he told the bartender, and after downing the shot, Brown Elk ordered another. Then another. Finally, after his fourth drink, the Indian pulled...
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter, with a great big smile on his face. Dave says, "John what are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said, 'Sure you can...
Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One of the trees says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other tree says that he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that sapling is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" ...
A little old man, well into his eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on his feet, he Shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, he asks the sales clerk: "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?" The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies:...
A man enters a gay bar and while sitting at his table, notices an absolutely gorgeous man sitting at another table--alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to the hunk, knowing that if he accepts it, he will be his for the night. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the hunk , saying this is from the...
This guy has a blond friend who can never seem to laid, so he decides to take him to New Orleans for a day of sin and frolic. He drops the blond off at his hotel, and tells him where all the best gay bars are in the French Quarter—literally a dozen to choose from, starting on Bourbon Street, like Pub on Bourbon, Parade Disco, Oz, etc. and informs him he is going to visit with an...
Penis Humor: The Excedrin Penis: It's thhhhhiiiiiisssss big. The Sprite Penis: Image is nothing... Taste is everything. The Snickers Penis: It satisfies you. The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't get up!! The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it... The Tootsie Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...??? The M&M's Penis: Melts in your mouth--- not in your ...
More Penis Humor: The Flinstones' Vitamins Penis: 10 million strong and growing The Wendy's Penis: Where's the beef?!?!? The Folger's Penis: The best part of waking up is Penis in your cup. The Lays Penis: Betcha can't eat just one. The Diet Coke Penis: Just for the taste of it... The Big Red Penis: It's longer with Big Red. The Robitussin Penis II: It's recommended by Dr....
A man goes to a tattoo artist and says: "I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my dick." The tattoo artist is surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot. Why would you want a 100 dollar bill on your dick?" The man answers, "Three reasons: I like to watch my money grow I like to play with my money And next time my lover wants to blow a hundred bucks, he won't have...
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought...
A man went into a pharmacy on Polk Street in San Francisco, and asked to talk to the pharmacist. The guy he was talking to said that he was the pharmacist and that he and his lover owned the store. He then asked if there was something he could help the man with. The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a huge cock which is permanently erect and causes me a lot...
My balls are called Proctor and Gamble--the holy brothers. Like good saints they don't stay in place and even my canvas sack won't contain them. They tell me "the time" and hope that I will get them some work. To do this I simply turn off my brain and then they set to work releasing all of the springs that pop my dingle to all jangle. Their work on a given job is completed when...
FOUR DIRTY LITTLE LIMERICKS By Cuddle Bear Some of these are original to me, some I’ve modified for your pleasure and some are just good.. A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, to whom. (Say this one aloud in your best fake British accent. It works!) A lusty young Bottom of...
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of John’s sexual orientation, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading...
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of Florida to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode...
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