There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his chop sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", To which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy...
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods...
I’m not a threat, or I at least seem like a rather nice guy to those women who work in the adult entertainment industry. I don’t really know what they think because I haven’t asked, and really wouldn’t know how to phrase the question. Simply put, I went to the Colorado (a gentlemen’s club) last night and enjoyed it, but unlike my earlier years of going to such establishments I ...
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the...
While taking a leak a young man noticed little man with a big green hat at the next urinal and the man was hung like a horse. Well the little man looked over and said "Do you like the look of this?" "Wow" said the young man. "Well" said the little man "I am a Leprechaun and I can make you this well hung by magic." "How' replied the young guy. "Well I put this up inside you and...
A man came home just in time to find his lover in bed with another man. In a total rage, he dragged his lover down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next he picked up a hacksaw. The lover terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?" The man, with a gleam of revenge in his eye,...
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this ol boy about 75-80 years sitting on a bench near the Food Court and he was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you...
Gary recently lost his lover after a tragic skiing accident. He had him cremated and brought his ashes home with him. Picking up the urn that he was in, Gary poured his lovers ashes out on the counter. Then, while tracing his fingers in the ashes, he started talking to him. "Stan, you stupid old fool, skiing at your age........." He lowered his voice to a whisper, and with a...
This is reported to be an actual letter sent to a Bank in the US. The Bank thought it amusing enough to publish it in their newsletter: Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I tried to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds...
Jake was dying. His lover, Bob, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. He held his fragile hand, tears running down his face. His praying roused Jake from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Bob," he whispered. "Hush, my love," Bob said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He was insistent. "Bob," he said in his tired voice. "I....I...
A young man graduated from the University of Tennessee with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired him was to write a human interest story. Being from Tennessee, he went back to the country to do his research. He went to an old farmer's house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and proceeded to explain to him why he was there. ...
Mark lost his lover almost four years ago in a tragic motor accident, and still has not gotten out of his depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. A close friend is constantly calling him and urging him to get back into the world. Finally, Mark says he'd go out, but didn't know anyone. His friend immediately replies, "Mark I have someone for you to meet, Steve, a...
A man walks into his local gay bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my lover in...
A few days after Jack met Woody, he had his name tattooed on his penis to show him how much he loved him. When erect, the name was fully visible; but when deflated, it read "Wy". Woody was delighted with Jack's "special emblem of devotion." Later in the year they decide to go to Jamaica for their vacation. Their hotel had three beaches, one traditional, one nudist, and one gay...
Steven was in bed with his boyfriend when he heard his lover opening the front door. "Hurry!" he said, "Stand in the corner." He quickly rubbed baby oil all over the boyfriend and then he dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to." he whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, Stevie?" the lover asked as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a...
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man...
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says... “And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou...
Going Down French-Style Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his boyfriend, Jene, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Jene leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Jene's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Jene. "I am Pierre the...
20 of the Best Things About Being Gay from the book 501 Great Things About Being Gay by Edward Taussig. 1. You truly don't care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with. 2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka. 3. You can call anyone "honey" including pets. 4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil. 5. You...
Mike met Joe at a gay nightclub, and Joe invited him back to his place for the night. When they arrived at Joes house, they went right into his bedroom. Mike saw that the room was filled with stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them all over the place. Giant stuffed animals were on top of the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals were on the bookshelf and on the window sill,...
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who opposed them. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. Eagles...
ASK CO-WORKERS WHICH YOU HATE WHAT THEIR SIGN IS--AND THEN, REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING...ENJOY HOROSCOPES by Adam Sandler Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22) ...
That's a nice pair of pants - Anyway I can talk you out of them? Your lips are like wine. I want to drink them! Excuse me is that a space suit you're wearing, because your ass is out of this world. Do you believe in love at first sight?...Or do I have to walk by again? Do you sleep on your stomach?...No?....Can I? Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cuz, I can...
1. The Doctore--because he says, "Take off your clothes". 2. The Dentist--because he says, "open Wide". 3. The Hairdresser--because he says, "Do you want it teasted or blown?" 4. The Milkman--because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?" 5. The Interior Decorator--because he says, "Once you have it all in--you'll just love it!" 6....
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